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Speaking of other halves ...

(117 Posts)
Ninarosa Thu 22-Aug-19 19:04:44

Do any of you lovely ladies have a secret ' leaving ' fund ?
I have, although it's woefully small as I can't seem to stop buying Gabor shoes.
Serious/not serious question !

M0nica Mon 26-Aug-19 20:32:42

Joint accounts are a nightmare when you are dealing with powers of attorney. Both partners have to agree to have the same attorneys.

My uncle and aunt named their attorneys separately, fortunately both chose the same person for one attorney. Otherwise every document/cheque etc had to have the signatures of one of each partner's attorneys, which when you do not live near each other can be difficult.

I was the one living nearest to the couple involved so dealt with the day to day care and incurred most of the expenditure. When I needed a bill paid I had a choice, sign the cheque and send it to Italy for the other attorney to sign and wait for it to come back or send the invoice to the common attorney to use the cheque books she had.

crazyH Mon 26-Aug-19 17:58:36

Rene72, your last sentence made me chuckle ...
Lindiloo....19 tins of tomatos ? That gave me another laugh 😀

BlueBelle Mon 26-Aug-19 08:24:36

No I was so green it never entered my head I would need anything as a young mum with three children he controlled everything leaving bills unpaid to party, by the time I realised I had to get out and I needed to get something together I started trying to save literally odd pounds here and there I swear he smelt money it would always go wherever I hid it I remember once putting a small amount in a plastic bag in a tampon box in another plastic bag in the cistern .... it went
So I started the second part of my life with nothing having had nothing in the first part 😂😂

natasha1 Mon 26-Aug-19 08:00:37

Well done Nozzle how was it? X

Mossfarr Sun 25-Aug-19 20:55:30

Yes I have a 'secret savings pot', I have always managed our finances as my husband simply refuses to get involved. Its a good thing too, he's absolutely hopeless with money.
'Money is for spending' is his mantra.

When my daughter decided to give up her job and live abroad with her (extremely unreliable) partner, I advised her to always stash a little money away each week in case it all went pear-shaped. It eventually did, but at least she had enough to get home and she had rented out her house so wasn't left homeless!

notanan2 Sun 25-Aug-19 12:13:56

All of our money, except the pension fund in DH’s name, is in joint accounts.

You know that while in theory you should be able to access this, in practice people have had joint accounts frozen when one partner dies. And can if youre not careful (ie able to hire good legal advice) have the lot taken into account for care funding assessments etc (yes it shouldnt be but it often is in practice)

Grannyflower Sun 25-Aug-19 08:24:31

Yes. I was advised to set up an ‘RAF Account’ many years ago. Not had to use it ....yet 👍

Lilyflower Sun 25-Aug-19 06:50:44

All of our money, except the pension fund in DH’s name, is in joint accounts.

Lyndiloo Sun 25-Aug-19 03:16:45

I used to keep a secret stash when we were younger - no cards then, so everything was cash. My husband is such a 'spender' that I had to! (Not to leave on, but to live on!)

Fifty years on, and he's still the same. He has no clue what's in the bank, or what we can afford, and couldn't care less! So I have to keep a tight rein.

I've told him now that he cannot come grocery shopping with me any more. We usually get home with about seven carrier bags of goods, 50% of which we don't even need. Our cupboards, our 'fridge, our freezer, are stuffed! When I point this out to him, his response is, 'Aren't we lucky?'

Well, yes, we are. But who needs 19 tins of chopped tomatoes? (Last count.) Grrrrr!

Rene72 Sat 24-Aug-19 17:51:27

Yes, though at the moment I would find it hard to rent a place I have 4 small dogs and at 73, I wouldn’t be able to buy! I fell for his promises once and came back and ended up being a cleaner/carer, in a house, which was originally rented then bought in my stepsons name, which, I have been told, if H dies before me the house will be sold and I won’t get a bloody penny. My stepson pays the mortgage but that is his board money and he loves to tell me and anyone else, it’s HIS house!
We went bankrupt when my H ‘forgot’ to make his company Limited. We lost everything including our beautiful home!
I don’t know why the hell I let myself be talked into coming back!
Our eldest dog has just died partly because he fed her all sorts of rubbish despite me begging him not to, the poor thing grew so fat, she ended up with pancreatitis, swollen liver and a heart problem! He killed her with pizza, biscuits and anything else she begged for!
I actually don’t like him at all!

PamelaJ1 Sat 24-Aug-19 17:01:01

My granny advised me to keep some secret money, I think she would have been horrified if I had thought it was my leaving fund though!😀

There were a few years when my DH was the only earner and he gave me housekeeping and an allowance so I didn’t have to keep asking him for money. It wasn’t much but we didn’t have much.
For most of my married life I have run my own business so we have a joint account and my business account ( that’s the one I share with the tax man!).
Luckily I haven’t needed a leaving fund but I do use my earnings for big purchases and if I had to go then I could.

NfkDumpling Sat 24-Aug-19 16:48:59

I don’t, but my MiL did. She kept a stash in her sewing patterns. Luckily SiL knew about it and didn’t just throw the patterns out when MiL died.

maytime2 Sat 24-Aug-19 15:54:23

Norstat 46, You really should be on commission. I too have just bought a pair of boots in the Moshulu sale and also an early Christmas present of slippers for my son.

SparklyGrandma Sat 24-Aug-19 14:50:26

Gabor shoes are lovely Ninarosa ...

A leaving fund of at least £5 k is a good idea, I read somewhere.

However it might not be possible to save if you are trying to leave a violent or paranoid partner who monitors your every move including your post.

Good luck to anyone saving because they need to or escaping for their safety 🌸🌸🌸

icanhandthemback Fri 23-Aug-19 23:45:59

I did with my ex-husband. I had to keep it very secret otherwise he would have stolen it when I wasn't looking...not for the first time. Now I have no need of one. If I was really unhappy, I know my husband would be fair to him as long as I was to him. With his last wife, he willingly took on all the debts and gave her all the assets. The court threw the divorce out 3 times because the Judge couldn't believe he hadn't been coerced but my husband stuck to his guns because he said it gave her a chance to stay in the house with his kids. Six months later, his ex did the dirty on him by taking his kids to live 250 miles away. I hope he's not once bitten, twice shy. Perhaps he's a keeper, just in case! grinwink

CrazyGrandma2 Fri 23-Aug-19 21:39:37

No need as I manage the money, by mutual consent 😁

Grandmama Fri 23-Aug-19 21:06:38

Many years ago I had a 'secret' fund in my POSB (Post Office Savings Account). Not really a leaving fund but just a bit of money in case I wanted to buy myself something. We weren't actually all that well off and I knew that DH would suck it into the housekeeping if he knew about it. However, he became too ill to continue working, we went on to benefits and we had to declare what money we had so my secret fund was found out (and soon spent). sad

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 20:02:47

Sounds like my emergency "atms are down" drawer Avor... its dipped into more than its added to grin

Avor2 Fri 23-Aug-19 19:44:49

I have had my 'running away' money in a cupboard in the bedroom for 30 years, sadly I keep dipping in to it for presents, Christmas, clothes, holidays ...................... so I think I have about £20 at the moment. Getting there smile. How could I leave my DH, he is the only one that loads the dishwasher correctly !!!???!!!???

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 19:44:36

Wicklow an emergency fund doesnt = an unhappy marraige.

Quite the opposite usually. You built it up when things are good. Its making hay while the sun shine!

wicklowwinnie Fri 23-Aug-19 19:19:17

My husband had a work colleague who, when his wife died, could not understand why he was finding money in all the pockets of her clothes, tucked away in drawers and cupboards, even little purses in the toes of her shoes.
She had not expected to die first and he thought what a happy marriage it had been. I didn't enlighten them even though I had no idea about her leaving fund. A case of sleeping dogs lie.

blue60 Fri 23-Aug-19 18:41:53

No, I dont.

Sparklefizz Fri 23-Aug-19 18:29:58

notanan2
And what pays for efficient lawyers... emergency funds!

You are so right!

and CrazyH I used the lawyer recommended by the Marriage Guidance people (now Relate). My ex was very aggressive and I think she was as unnerved by him as I was.

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 18:22:31

*Sparkle, I'm sorry you had such a bad deal. So did Maggie and some others.
I can only say, you probably didn't have a very efficient lawyer*

And what pays for efficient lawyers... emergency funds!

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 18:20:38

DH when he gave me my engagement ring said it was a large plain diamond which if inthe event of an emergency I would be able to pawn it and it should see me safe

Same. DH got me a ring that I could cash in in an energency. That is why women traditionally collected jewellery.

Current fashions disregard this.