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Speaking of other halves ...

(132 Posts)
Ninarosa Thu 22-Aug-19 19:04:44

Do any of you lovely ladies have a secret ' leaving ' fund ?
I have, although it's woefully small as I can't seem to stop buying Gabor shoes.
Serious/not serious question !

NanKate Sun 08-Dec-19 08:16:53

My mum told me to have my own stash of money for emergencies. I followed her good advice IMO. My friend was horrified when I told her, however she had a few bad times with her DH and she admits she had no money, he took the car keys as well and she had no means if escape.

Fortunately in 48 years I haven’t had to resort to it.

Rufus2 Sun 08-Dec-19 07:54:10

We share most everything
BB That reminds me of a GreatNan's joke about an elderly ;couple dining in Maccas When the lady was asked why she wasn't eating she replied that it was his turn for the teeth grin

Grandad1943 Sat 07-Dec-19 12:46:39

BBbevan Quote [ Never ever thought about it or needed an escape fund. We have been together for58 years. Married 55. We share most everything, money, decisions, even ironing and cooking. We are the best of friends and enjoy each other's company. Why would I need to escape?] End Quote?

The above is exactly how me and my wife Carol are. We have been married for fifty-one years and known each other for fifty-three years.

When at some point in the future I eventually arrive at the pearly gates, and I am asked what I would wish for, I will reply "can I go back down and have the exact the same life again, including marrying the best girl this world has ever produced."

I would not wish to change a thing in Carol. She has her own income from our business but that is for tax purposes etc, outside of that everything is jointly shared and always has been, and always will be.

TrendyNannie6 Fri 06-Dec-19 16:35:20

I suppose it is notanan2 I have my own money but It certainly isn’t a leaving account

BBbevan Sun 17-Nov-19 17:48:34

lemongrove I can't have Maltesers ( diabetic ) But I will happily watch DH eat my share 😄

Esther1 Sun 17-Nov-19 13:08:21

My DH has always been the main earner and managed our finances happily enough and I was happy to leave it all to him. We are equally relaxed about spending. However, now, with age, and perhaps a little more serious, he is just not able to manage financial issues, so gradually, and to a point secretly, to save his pride, I have taken over everything. He has no idea how much money we have, and it wouldn’t occur to him to think how we will manage if we need to start paying for Care in the future. It’s a sobering thought but one I must shoulder alone - although I am truly blessed with helpful and kind children to help me.

sodapop Sun 17-Nov-19 12:53:20

You are very fortunate BBbevan not everyone is so lucky with their choice of partner.

lemongrove Sat 16-Nov-19 22:32:21

I have been known to hide Maltesers though.😈

lemongrove Sat 16-Nov-19 22:31:03

Same as BBbevan 😃 ( thankfully.)

Nannarose Sat 16-Nov-19 22:27:12

My Nan told me that when one of the girls at work (factory) was getting married, they passed round a stocking which everyone put a little money in. It was given with the idea that she should roll it up and put in her stocking drawer, for a rainy day.....
I have rarely heard this mentioned elsewhere, although I have heard some people add to the rhyme 'something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue....and a sixpence in her shoe' and wondered if it was related.
My mother, who had a long and happy marriage, called her money her 'flit fund' and my sister called hers something ruder (and she's coming up to her golden wedding!)

farview Sat 16-Nov-19 22:18:47

I wish!....

grannyactivist Sat 16-Nov-19 20:45:05

My first husband left me destitute, although thankfully I've never had debt. Since then I have maintained financial independence and have my own bank account, but a few years ago The Wonderful Man insisted on adding me to his current account. Having said that what's mine is his and what's his is mine and we have never had a single disagreement about money.

BBbevan Sat 16-Nov-19 20:14:51

Never ever thought about it or needed an escape fund. We have been together for58 years. Married 55. We share most everything , money, decisions, even ironing and cooking. We are the best of friends and enjoy each other's company. Why would I need to escape ?

suzette1613 Sat 16-Nov-19 11:42:43

Rene, My OH would have been old news if he had dared to be so stupid as to feed the poor old dog like that! I`m serious.

We have our own money and a joint account for holidays we take together, food shopping etc. I don`t have a secret fund but do have a little house of my own that we have rented out on a short lease at the moment. That is my `just in case` security.

timetogo2016 Sat 16-Nov-19 10:38:08

I do have a secret fund but not sure what for as of yet.

M0nica Mon 26-Aug-19 20:32:42

Joint accounts are a nightmare when you are dealing with powers of attorney. Both partners have to agree to have the same attorneys.

My uncle and aunt named their attorneys separately, fortunately both chose the same person for one attorney. Otherwise every document/cheque etc had to have the signatures of one of each partner's attorneys, which when you do not live near each other can be difficult.

I was the one living nearest to the couple involved so dealt with the day to day care and incurred most of the expenditure. When I needed a bill paid I had a choice, sign the cheque and send it to Italy for the other attorney to sign and wait for it to come back or send the invoice to the common attorney to use the cheque books she had.

crazyH Mon 26-Aug-19 17:58:36

Rene72, your last sentence made me chuckle ...
Lindiloo....19 tins of tomatos ? That gave me another laugh 😀

BlueBelle Mon 26-Aug-19 08:24:36

No I was so green it never entered my head I would need anything as a young mum with three children he controlled everything leaving bills unpaid to party, by the time I realised I had to get out and I needed to get something together I started trying to save literally odd pounds here and there I swear he smelt money it would always go wherever I hid it I remember once putting a small amount in a plastic bag in a tampon box in another plastic bag in the cistern .... it went
So I started the second part of my life with nothing having had nothing in the first part 😂😂

natasha1 Mon 26-Aug-19 08:00:37

Well done Nozzle how was it? X

Mossfarr Sun 25-Aug-19 20:55:30

Yes I have a 'secret savings pot', I have always managed our finances as my husband simply refuses to get involved. Its a good thing too, he's absolutely hopeless with money.
'Money is for spending' is his mantra.

When my daughter decided to give up her job and live abroad with her (extremely unreliable) partner, I advised her to always stash a little money away each week in case it all went pear-shaped. It eventually did, but at least she had enough to get home and she had rented out her house so wasn't left homeless!

notanan2 Sun 25-Aug-19 12:13:56

All of our money, except the pension fund in DH’s name, is in joint accounts.

You know that while in theory you should be able to access this, in practice people have had joint accounts frozen when one partner dies. And can if youre not careful (ie able to hire good legal advice) have the lot taken into account for care funding assessments etc (yes it shouldnt be but it often is in practice)

Grannyflower Sun 25-Aug-19 08:24:31

Yes. I was advised to set up an ‘RAF Account’ many years ago. Not had to use it ....yet 👍

Lilyflower Sun 25-Aug-19 06:50:44

All of our money, except the pension fund in DH’s name, is in joint accounts.

Lyndiloo Sun 25-Aug-19 03:16:45

I used to keep a secret stash when we were younger - no cards then, so everything was cash. My husband is such a 'spender' that I had to! (Not to leave on, but to live on!)

Fifty years on, and he's still the same. He has no clue what's in the bank, or what we can afford, and couldn't care less! So I have to keep a tight rein.

I've told him now that he cannot come grocery shopping with me any more. We usually get home with about seven carrier bags of goods, 50% of which we don't even need. Our cupboards, our 'fridge, our freezer, are stuffed! When I point this out to him, his response is, 'Aren't we lucky?'

Well, yes, we are. But who needs 19 tins of chopped tomatoes? (Last count.) Grrrrr!

Rene72 Sat 24-Aug-19 17:51:27

Yes, though at the moment I would find it hard to rent a place I have 4 small dogs and at 73, I wouldn’t be able to buy! I fell for his promises once and came back and ended up being a cleaner/carer, in a house, which was originally rented then bought in my stepsons name, which, I have been told, if H dies before me the house will be sold and I won’t get a bloody penny. My stepson pays the mortgage but that is his board money and he loves to tell me and anyone else, it’s HIS house!
We went bankrupt when my H ‘forgot’ to make his company Limited. We lost everything including our beautiful home!
I don’t know why the hell I let myself be talked into coming back!
Our eldest dog has just died partly because he fed her all sorts of rubbish despite me begging him not to, the poor thing grew so fat, she ended up with pancreatitis, swollen liver and a heart problem! He killed her with pizza, biscuits and anything else she begged for!
I actually don’t like him at all!