Gransnet forums


Invite with ulterior motive

(15 Posts)
anxiousgran Sat 07-Sep-19 12:49:15

Over past few weeks

anxiousgran Sat 07-Sep-19 12:58:46

Sorry made a false start!
Anyway a person I hardly know has kept asking me to go to coffee morning thing associated with an am dram group. She only knows who I am because DH is a member.
Excuses were wearing a bit thin so I went this week.
Turns out I think they want me as. volunteer, selling raffle tickets, making tea, knitting things to sell for funds. DH tells me volunteers are needed.
The person who invited me was pleasant, as was another who I know. The rest of the people there either didn’t address me,or in one case were quite rude.
I usually avoid this group, I have no interest in am dram.
Part of me sees the funny side of falling for this ruse, but I am also a bit aggrieved. Needless to say, I won’t be going again!

wildswan16 Sat 07-Sep-19 13:04:48

Stick to your guns. Volunteering is great - but not if you are being forced into it and have no interest in it.

Hopefully they have now got the message. Hope you at least had a nice cup of coffee and cupcake.

anxiousgran Sat 07-Sep-19 13:15:02

Yes, I did get a cake! smile

M0nica Sat 07-Sep-19 14:17:32

It is the old, old idea. What ever a husband does his wife can always be drafted in to help make the teas.

Poppyred Sat 07-Sep-19 14:29:34

Sorry what’s am dram?

wildswan16 Sat 07-Sep-19 15:10:40

Amateur dramatics poppyred.

Poppyred Sat 07-Sep-19 15:21:16

Ah, yes of course, thank you.

paddyann Sat 07-Sep-19 15:30:22

My OH is a member of an organisation that raises funds for charities ,I dont mind the odd supper for 10 or even some home made Christmas cakes for raffles but I point bland refuse to do stuff on a regular basis.
If I'd wanted to join the "club" I would have ,I didn't so I cant see any reason why I should rock up and organise food etc for "the men" Just tell your partner ,thanks but no thanks its not for me

Nannarose Sat 07-Sep-19 16:07:41

Of course, I don't know if gender was an issue in this case, but I think it applies with any spouse.
DH & I support each other. I turn up at his 'cause' to help with some fundraising. He turns up at mine to help physically with setting up (music festival)
I too, avoid am dram (I usually avoid abbreviations as well. but think this one amusing!). Our village group puts on a very good panto every year which is loved by the whole community. They get an informal group of us 'outsiders' who don't mind doing a little. So once a year I give one hour to either take tickets on the door, or sell raffle tickets. It really is only that much because it's all organised by others - we don't have to organise the prizes or the tickets or any of those time-consuming things! I don't mind an hour once a year to support a community group, and I imagine that if your DH's group could look at that, instead of trying to inveigle you in via coffee mornings, they might do better.

Grammaretto Sat 07-Sep-19 16:17:38

You are NBU. Agree with others, what a cheek.
I don't think it healthy to be a double act when joining things such as committees. I know a few couples who do everything together and they can be difficult to deal with at times. A 2 headed monster?

Nonnie Sat 07-Sep-19 16:37:43

Happens a lot for all sorts of things, not just fund raising. However, I will always give a raffle prize for a good cause, make a cake or sponsor someone. I like the thought that I am encouraging someone to do something good or interesting as long as I don't have to sign up to join whatever it is. Gave a donation of the membership amount for several years to an organisation which wanted me to join rather than commit to anything.

anxiousgran Sat 07-Sep-19 17:22:58

Yes, I do think it’s a case of the ‘little woman’ being expected to follow in DH’s footsteps.
I too think it’s healthy to follow your own hobbies and interests rather than doing everything with a partner.
Sorry about the ‘am dram’ abbreviation! smile.
paddyann, you are a hero cooking for 10 and making Christmas cakes.
I do turn up for drama group’s productions and buy raffle tickets, though I avoid farces 😄
I work do a few hours a week for 2 charities I really believe in.

Daisymae Sat 07-Sep-19 17:28:25

Back in the day, oh used to play cricket. I went along once only to find out that the wifeys made the teas, then served them. Followed by washing up as play resumed. The works, cakes, sandwiches etc. The one and only time I turned up!

Wheniwasyourage Sat 07-Sep-19 17:51:01

One of those very worthy (not being sarcastic,I think they do lot of good work) charity fund raising organisations is quite strong here too, paddyann. When we moved here it was men only, although now they have women members too, and I always reckoned that the committee meetings involved someone saying "Right, chaps, we'll have a party, and our wives will do the food"! What is more, the wives did!! DH was invited to join, but fortunately his working hours didn't suit, which was just as well considering the standard of my cooking. grin