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(83 Posts)
Judy54 Mon 09-Sep-19 13:52:43

We have on occasions let our neighbours park on our drive (our car is in the garage) when they have had family staying for on or two nights. Now they are having a loft conversion done which will take 6 to 8 weeks and have asked to park on the drive whilst the work is being done. We have said on this occasion the answer is no and their response was that we are being unreasonable. We replied although we don't use the drive on a daily basis we cannot tie it up for this length of time as we have visitors as well as workmen expected ourselves. Unfortunately said neighbours have taken umbrage and said we are unhelpful. We said we were happy to be of help to them in the past but this time we cannot accommodate their needs. Any advice please?

Margs Thu 12-Sep-19 12:54:20

Only 6 to 8 weeks? More like 6 to 8 months - I know this from life experience.

Or maybe I just got unlucky and picked lazy-arse builders.

Hetty58 Wed 11-Sep-19 19:57:28

Judy54, stick to your guns/refusal and let them find a solution (or some other mug to impose upon). Of course, you'd help them in an emergency but you have every right to say no.

Judy54 Wed 11-Sep-19 17:17:29

I have taken up the points made that circumstances change and that one day we might need our neighbours help. A little background on that: My Husband has ongoing health problems and following an operation last year he was unable to drive for a while (I am a non-driver) other neighbours rallied round and took him to hospital appointments and helped me with shopping and lifts. The neighbours asking to park on our drive offered no help at all even though they knew about his health issues. They appear to have forgotten that when my Husband was fit and well he was known as Mr DIY and popped over many times to do work for them including carpentry and sorting out their electrical and plumbing problems( as he did for other neighbours). This is not about us saying you did not help us so we are not going to help you, it is simply that we do not want anyone parking on our drive for more than a night or two.

blue60 Wed 11-Sep-19 13:50:45

We have similar problems on our close. Some neighbours have permanently fallen out over parking. We paid to have our drive lengthened to accommodate more than two vehicles, and have allowed neighbours to use it while we are away. In our position, if the neighbour's car didn't get in the way of our own access we would probably agree, but if we needed the space ourselves then they would have to find an alternative.

I must say though, people will and do take advantage of good nature, so if you feel uncomfortable then stick with what you have said. It's their problem, not yours.

Hetty58 Wed 11-Sep-19 10:01:00

I have 'entitled' neighbours that I'm surface-friendly with (but dislike intensely). We exchange small Christmas gifts and chat occasionally (grrr).

Examples of their demands and/or crimes:

Can I please:

never have bonfires or barbeques? (they don't like it)

stop my dog barking? (she doesn't often)

remove my tree as it's leaves sometimes go on their lawn?
(I actually did, but wish I hadn't now)

ask my neighbour on the other side to put out his bonfire?
(reluctantly did)

tell my daughters not to sunbathe in the garden? (er, nope)

stop my cat going in their garden? (bit difficult)

ban my guests from smoking outside? (not really)

prevent any plants from growing through or over the fence?
(bit difficult again, but I'll try)

stop my grandchildren being noisy in the paddling pool?
(probably not, no)

tell visitors not to park across my drive as they like to pull out that way? (WTF?)

remove my fence so that they can drive in/out across my drive (no, actually!)

tell other neighbours to remove their van from outside my house (why and why me?)

things they did (or do) without even asking:

built their extension on my land

put their scaffolding on my drive, patio and roof

park across my drive

told my friend firmly that she couldn't park across my drive

cut back every millimeter of encroaching vegetation and fling it over the fence (whereas I trim their monster hedge and dispose of the clippings)

poison my plants with weedkiller

build high decking and destroy our privacy

(worst of all) make an incredible racket every (all) weekend with hedge trimmer, lawnmower, strimmer and powerwasher, deafening then drenching us!

wonderful people, neighbours!

sarahellenwhitney Wed 11-Sep-19 09:28:55

Start as you mean to go on.

icanhandthemback Wed 11-Sep-19 00:29:35

GreenFran87, don't you think that the neighbours were being unneighbourly when they started calling Judy54 unreasonable for not wanting people parking on their drive for very valid reasons? If they had been nice about it and asked Judy54 to see if there was a compromise to be had and gave her time to think about it, I'd probably be encouraging her to find a way forward. However, they were rude so they reap what they sow. It sounds to me like they are rather "entitled" and this will be a good lesson that the world is not theirs to rule!

GreenGran78 Wed 11-Sep-19 00:16:54

Thecatgrandma. It’s not wise to call people stupid when you have obviously not read and understood the situation properly. Their own car is parked in a garage at the back of the house, with rear access.

The neighbours were out of order with their accusations but, personally, I would have been happy to let them use my drive, as long as they checked each day to see that I didn’t need it to be kept free. I am lucky to have had the same excellent neighbours for many years, though. We all help each other out. Excess rubbish is often popped into other peoples’ bins, too, though the council provides and empties them without extra charge.
Other Gransnetters obviously expect people to be un-neighbourly, but mine are gems!

Nannarose Tue 10-Sep-19 22:01:09

Hurdygurdy, I'm largely with you, although it's impossible to know how reasonable the request is without knowing the general layout and use of the drive; and the usual give-and-take of neighbourliness. It sounds as if OP was worried they might not move if requested.
Our neigbours know that they have the general use of our drive in such situations - they would normally ask - and it is taken for granted that we might say 'no' on any particular day. I like comings and goings of other cars on my drive - and we all have an informal arrangement to park occasionally on each others' drives when we are away - it makes it less obvious that the house is unoccupied.
Having said that, the neighbours should have accepted 'no'.

25Avalon Tue 10-Sep-19 21:54:34

They may not like your answer but you are not being unreasonable. Personally I don't like their response. Yes, it would be nice if you could help them but 6-8 weeks is a long time and there will be noise and dust whilst the builders are they plus they may well block the road so it's going to be disruptive without your driveway being blocked as well.

Ooeyisit Tue 10-Sep-19 19:51:18

This reminds me of a friend who had so much cheek . I would get a call from her ,shall we go into town for lunch .when we arrived at the venue she would look to see what she wanted ,it was a buffet style then you paid at the end of the service part ,Then she would need the toilet so that when she got back I had paid . She would then say I will pay next tine instead of saying what do I owe you , after several of these incidents I did get wise . This same “friend”in the days of yore used to ring me and reverse the charges . It was in the days when it was expensive to do that ,.we are no longer friends . With friends like this we don’t need enemies . Different circumstances but still taking the P

thecatgrandma Tue 10-Sep-19 19:43:11

Don’t some people amaze you with their stupidity? Do they seriously expect you to come and ask them every time you want to get your own car out? You’ve said no, I just wouldn’t bother engaging with them again if they want to make a fuss, life’s too short to have to deal with idiots.

Shropshirelass Tue 10-Sep-19 17:23:04

It is your neighbours who are being unreasonable. A day or two is fine but as you do want to use your drive I think you are right to say no. It is your drive after all. They are just taking your friendship for granted. Not on in my book!

HurdyGurdy Tue 10-Sep-19 17:21:07

I am clearly in a very small minority here, because I'd be more than happy to oblige my neighbour and I'd hope they'd be equally helpful to me should I need it.

I'm not entirely clear if your neighbours are going to be at home whilst the workmen are there or if they want to leave their car on your driveway whilst they go off to work all day. That would make a difference.

Do you use your car several times a day? Or even every day? Would it be so inconvenient to pop next door and say "we're just going out, would you mind moving your car", and the same in reverse when you come home? It is only for a limited period, after all.

If the position was reversed, would you automatically look to rent a drive elsewhere? Or to park a good distance away? I know I wouldn't. I don't drive a fancy car, but I'd still like to have in within eyeshot.

I like to keep on good terms with my neighbours - you never know when you might need them or want a favour in return.

Aepgirl Tue 10-Sep-19 17:16:08

That’s really unreasonable of them. Also, everybody knows that builders always overrun. I have a neighbour who is having an extension built. Their daughter has 2 cars (one for work), the husband has a work’s van, and the wife has a fancy car. These various vehicles are being parked on many drives, and in the road. Also the wife recently complained to another neighbour about her having 2 cars but only one parking space!

Saggi Tue 10-Sep-19 17:06:45

Easy solution...park your car in your drive for the foreseeable future! Didn’t know people actually used garages AS garages anymore!

kwal Tue 10-Sep-19 16:44:27

Good for you. It is easy to be taken advantage of and, like you say, you may need to use the drive yourself or to even, heavens forbid, go out!

Eva2 Tue 10-Sep-19 16:35:31

What a shame your kindness has come back to bite you in the arse. Absolutely understand why it's a No. Your neighbors are more than ungracious to have verbalized their disappointment. Very rude controlling and disappointing. Stay on the high road, smile, friendly but not friends is my advice.

Nannan2 Tue 10-Sep-19 16:33:06

I guess a compromise would be tell them they could use it (for their own car) ONLY on days you aren't going out- so you dont get blocked in.but through day only- theyd have to shift their car when builders leave at end of day? Have they not got a garage then?but yes they are being cheeky.

Fairiesfolly Tue 10-Sep-19 15:57:33

Never apologise for saying NO! I know how you feel, it’s all too easy to say yes to favours from family friends and neighbours and then regret it afterwards. You have done the right thing, no explanation needed just setting your own boundaries!

Acer Tue 10-Sep-19 15:55:46

I feel they are being very thoughtless in even asking you. I’m sure your house insurance would not cover building work falling onto their vehicle. Even if it were your sledge hammer !

sharon103 Tue 10-Sep-19 15:54:54

Give them an inch and they'll take a mile.
Well done for saying no. You're not being unreasonable. It's a shame some people turn tut when they don't get their own way.
You've given your answer and there's no need for an explanation. Don't worry about it, carry on in friendly terms and I hope your neighbours do the same.

humptydumpty Tue 10-Sep-19 15:54:53

This reminds me that my first house had a separate garage, which I used as storage as I didn't have a car. Neighbours a couple of houses down took to parking one of their cars in front. When it came to house-moving, I asked them politely not to block the garage as I was going to be sorting/removing contents until I moved - 'of course' they said, but next day onwards it was obstructed every day; grrr so selfish!

Lupin Tue 10-Sep-19 15:52:38

Stick to your decision.
I have had this dilemma. In my last house I allowed my neighbour to park across my garage because I don't drive now and the parking situation in the whole road was awful. People using their garages for storage and many multi car households. The loser was me, because I ended up having to negotiate for my own parking space every time I had a visitor or family staying. Allowing my neighbours to use it encouraged others to park there for short periods without asking
Now I live in an apartment with one allocated parking space and it is often temptingly empty. I have had to make it clear that use of it is only available for very short periods and that I expect to be asked. I challenge everyone I see chancing their arm, but try to keep it friendly.
Calling you unreasonable has a hint of the bully about it.

Jaye53 Tue 10-Sep-19 15:45:49

Smile and say but the MAN from DEL MONTE he say NO.grin you do not want to fall out its not worth the hassle