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Walking alone.

(88 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Sun 15-Sep-19 11:55:19

This morning, before breakfast , a young girl was raped in our local park by a gang of men. This is quite unusual for the area but it makes me nervous about walking alone. My friend does her steps every day even in the dark evenings but I only go now when the park is busy.

Evie64 Sat 21-Sep-19 00:55:06

kircubbin2000 that is truly awful! Where do you live? When I lived in London I knew where not to walk alone at night without a bunch of keys in my hand ready and armed! That poor little girl. Horrendous. I just hope they don't get off with a pat on the head and a social worker because "they came from a broken home"! What a world we are living in. angry

kircubbin2000 Sun 29-Sep-19 19:56:34

They got bail and I've heard no more about it.

Hithere Sun 29-Sep-19 20:09:43

The problem is that these crimes are not taken seriously.

They will keep happening till the perpetrators get away with their actions in such a easy manner.

Hetty58 Sun 29-Sep-19 20:18:48

I've always been confident going anywhere alone, at any time. I know self-defence so reckon I could usually take care of myself. I often have the dog with me too.

It's a shame that the OP now is worried about going out. Perhaps she could arrange with a friend or neighbour to share walks and/or offer to walk a local dog. We shouldn't let the fear of crime stop us enjoying ourselves.

LondonGranny Sun 29-Sep-19 20:24:02

I hate the way responsibility is put on girls and women. We're told not to be out after dark etc. I'd quite like to see men on curfew, just so that maybe they'd understand how often women and girls lives are restricted.

Hetty58 Sun 29-Sep-19 20:39:48

Quite often, women are worried about being out late, whereas in fact, early morning is the dangerous time for sexual assaults.

Happiyogi Sun 29-Sep-19 20:41:58

I would walk more if I felt safer. I just don't feel comfortable walking alone through secluded places, though sadly they are the attractive, leafy places that you feel better for having been to.

Ginny42 Sun 29-Sep-19 20:42:13

We ought to be free to walk in safety anywhere we choose, but being realistic about it, we must always be aware of our safety. My home is surrounded by beautiful woodland, but I never walk there alone. We have to be mindful of the fact that some people don't have the same morals, and will do us harm given a chance.

I often see women and girls out walking/cycling/jogging alone listening to music with headphones. A lovely thing to do, but how do they know who is near them?

Catterygirl Sun 29-Sep-19 20:57:19

I was brought up in the country. Sussex, Cheshire. Staffordshire etc. Got attacked many times. Had a police escort to school etc. Now I live in central London close to a canal. Went for a walk along the canal once and felt totally unsafe. A cyclist almost knocked me in the canal. A creep followed me into a quiet area. I am 68 so feel slightly vulnerable but am trained in self defence. I go to tai chi and was surprised to learn it's brilliant at self defence. I could hold off an attack by my 6'4" male teacher when he showed me how. Not sure how I would cope in real life but was attacked when about 35 in West Hampstead by a young man who tried to strangle me! In daylight after a trip to the butcher in a posh area! I screamed very loudly and as he attacked me from the back, I grabbed him from the neck intending to do a forward roll. He let go and ran off. I don't go out after dark or use Uber. My friend was raped by a black London taxi driver.

Hithere Sun 29-Sep-19 21:04:12

"I'd quite like to see men on curfew, just so that maybe they'd understand how often women and girls lives are restricted."


M0nica Sun 29-Sep-19 22:00:00

No, the majority of men would never dream of raping or assaulting a woman. Why should they suffer for the actions of a small minority. It is as bad as expecting women to obey a curfew in case they are attacked by that small minority.

Gonegirl Sun 29-Sep-19 22:05:16

I don't get this thread. confused I have never been afraid to walk anywhere where there are pavements.

I don't really like walking alone in the country. Cows can run faster than I can

Gonegirl Sun 29-Sep-19 22:08:31

Well, I do feel unsafe in the country because I think some nasty man might get me. Why they would want to, I haven't a clue. Or why a nasty man would want to roam about in the countryside.

Never have felt safe in the country on my own.

HettyMaud Sun 29-Sep-19 22:14:43

I don't think it's a sign of the times actually. I think it has always been like this. Women, unfortunately, have to be careful when walking alone. Sadly this is now applying to young men too in many cases. So many dreadful people around and often difficult to tell who they are. And the internet feeds sick minds.

LondonGranny Sun 29-Sep-19 22:19:07

...but women ARE expected to obey a curfew. If I had a quid for every senior (male) policeman who advises women not to go out after dark I'd be living in a tax haven.
We have been expected to curb our behaviour for centuries. It's always us who 'are in the wrong place at the wrong time' No. We have as much right to travel freely as men but men regard public spaces as their spaces.
It's not just rape, it's getting groped on buses, cat-called, kerb-crawled by men in cars (most women I know have been subjected to that since early adolescence) and I for one am sodding well furious about it.

Hithere Sun 29-Sep-19 23:13:56



M0nica Sun 29-Sep-19 23:28:44

Women have been advised to observe a curfew. But I have never known a time when women were expected to obey a curfew. I have never felt that, and I am not aware of knowing any woman who did.

I am not sure whether it is because I am unobservant, but I was once kerb crawled, but I can recall very few other times when I have been groped, cat called, or in any other way subject to sexual harrasment. I have not led a sheltered life. I lived in London for 7 years after I graduated and walked wherever I liked at night without problem. including the time I lived in the Edgware Road, near a red light district and on the edge of Camden. I worked in London even longer and I spent most of my working life in a predominantly male engineering environment where I was the only woman not a clerical worker or secretary. Perhaps I frightened them.

LondonGranny Sun 29-Sep-19 23:30:45


I had to type that several times to tone it down and remove very sweary bits.
I also know most men wouldn't behave like that but perhaps if they stepped up and challenged men who do behave sleazily in public places rather than ignore it, it would be a start.

Spoiler alert.
This sort of welcome intervention has so far never happened when I've been subjected to unwelcome attention in a public place. Not once.

LondonGranny Sun 29-Sep-19 23:50:20

Women were expected to obey a curfew when the Yorkshire Ripper was about. Not much was said when it was believed just sex-workers were being murdered but when a schoolgirl was killed (a so-called 'innocent victim') women were indeed expected to stay indoors or be with a male relative, husband or boyfriend if they ventured out. I didn't live near Leeds but I remember it very well. Also if you've been sexually assaulted when young, you become hyper-vigilant.

Some people think I'm blessed with an excellent memory. My husband reckons it's as much of a curse and he's right.

LondonGranny Sun 29-Sep-19 23:51:55

Actually, not just if you're assaulted when young, if you're sexually assaulted when older you become hyper-vigilant too, I'm sure.

LondonGranny Mon 30-Sep-19 00:00:49

Oh look, a handy link that mentions curfews.

Hithere Mon 30-Sep-19 00:18:00

Thanks for the link! We certainly do not learn from our sad past.

Hithere Mon 30-Sep-19 00:24:14

The problem is not that a very small portion of men rape people.

The issue is that it is a very socially accepted crime.

If men see a woman bring harassed, they usually do not intervene, joining the male privilege club and becoming accomplices to this plague

We need men to shame sexual predators and stop accepting them in their circles.

LondonGranny Mon 30-Sep-19 00:46:32

Also, sad to say, if a man tries to haul a random woman off the street and the woman screams and shouts for help, the perpetrator is likely to say "It's my wife, don't interfere" and a lot of other men will just accept that.
I shall try my hardest to find a link for that because I clearly remember such a case. It might be pre-newspapers on the internet though but I don't think that's an isolated case.

Same as sleazy men not being sleazy if a woman is with a man because she's that man's property in their eyes. In the past I've had to try and repel an extremely sleazy man in a pub who tried to put his arm around me and not until my then boyfriend emerged from the loo did he desist and then, to add insult to injury HE APOLOGISED TO MY BOYFRIEND!

Hithere Mon 30-Sep-19 01:32:43

What a behind! Polite version of what I really wanted to say.

What did your bf say?