Recipricocity

I find it odd that if you think someone else has more then you, they don’t deserve a monetary gift?

I have sent Christmas/Birthday cards to my husbands sister and her family for over 50 years now and yet to receive one in return. In fact one year apparently I forgot to send a b.card and got an e mail along the lines of "where is my card this year?". You couldn't make it up! I still send them cards as I think it is the Christian thing to do.

What makes me wonder is that OP and her husband have put up with this for years, so why complain now?

Surely you didn't think have a 60th birthday would make any difference, did you?

In my family, we had an unwritten rule - my dad was one of 10 and there were 21 grandchildren. It was decided that once a child turned 16 and was old enough to work, that the aunts and uncles would no longer do the Christmas and birthday presents. So to me, carrying on to 60 SiL or not is incredible! Time to stop the money/gifts bit, especially as it doesn't seem to be appreciated. If it is queried, just say that because you hadn't had a thank you, you didn't think that it had reached her so will not send a cheque through the post in future!

Children expect something tangible but with adults it's different. Not to reciprocate or show appreciation for an actual gift (card is another story) is most often a message that the recipient is not interested in an exchange.

In my opinion, people should say what's on their mind, but unfortunately, some people don't know how. I would have stopped insisting after the second (unacknowledged) try.

There comes a time In one’s life when it’s time to de clutter brains & emotions, this is one of them, 60th is a very apt age/time to stop with the cards & present , best wishes. You have done your best now let it go .

Surely you give because you want to give, not because you want to receive?

Perhaps your SIL has been wishing all these years that you didn't buy her gifts because she doesn't like to feel obligated to reciprocate - maybe by omitting to send gifts in return she's hoping the gift giving will just tail off without having to talk about it and hurt anyone's feelings.

Just stop.

We exchange cards and presents but it always irks me that my SiL thanks just my husband, her brother, as if I hven'y always paid half!

Don't understand why someone would prefer flowers to money. You can buy something you like or need. Gifts aren't always what you like/want. Yet another toiletry set that will be unused! Dodgy scarf you won't wear!
Rather a cheque than a fourth, fifth bunch of flowers.
Our family writes wish lists so something wanted is given. Works well for us.

I've sent cards, gifts etc for every occasion to my siblings but last weekend it was my 40th wedding anniversary and I only got one card from my sister so - never again!!

Same thing here with dh's niece and nephew. 4 children between them and we (I) send vouchers for each child every Christmas. Never even any acknowledgement and they don't even send us a Christmas card but after 8/9 years it does seem petty to stop and don't want to cause any problem between DH and his sister whose children they are.

I don’t send cards or gifts to those who don’t respond. Worst case scenario I’m giving them a guilt trip or being irritating for 2 seconds when they open the card and realise it’s from me. Many friends I’m in contact with by email, fb or phone simply don’t send cards to anyone except close family.

stella1949
Maybe ????? its an anniversary of something ?maybe their birthday ? and you would like to buy them something but do not know what they would like ????????

Cancel the cheque

I remember how, several years ago my mil announced that she would stop sending Christmas presents when children became 18. My dd was her eldest gc and that year was the year she had turned 18. I'll never ever forget the sadness on her face when 'Nana' handed out lovely presents to all the other children but left her out. I didn't think I would ever forgive her for being so mean.

I am the 'one' in the family who sends cards. I share a birthday with my sister-in-law and never receive a card from my brother/s-in-l, which I find hurtful. In fact the other week she actually asked me not to send her any more cards as they made her feel bad that she had forgotten my birthday once again. Although my daughter always sends cards, my sons, like so many people nowadays also don't want to send or receive cards, it's all very sad.

Oh...I'd just carry on as you have been doing for the past umpteen years.
Keep on sending cards and cheques...nothing's going to change.

Of course, I'm bring facetious.
You know perfectly well how to bring about change and need no input from us. ?

mimismo (me again?). Are you in Spain?

I send money as I live abroad and actual presents are much more problematic. Only sent money as supposedly we celebrate the decades with a gift.

It is hit and miss whether my brother and his wife send me a birthday card - on my 69th even my mother forgot!! I always send a card as I know they mean no disrespect - they just forget. When my brothers wife was having tests for a lung problem I sent her flowers (they live in another country). I did receive a phone call thanking me.

In the OPs case I would continue sending cards but I wouldn't send money or gifts.

What? Money for adults? I would find it insulting if any of my friends or family were to give me money at any time. A card or flowers, yes . Not money.

This Christmas I've told my sister that I won't be buying presents for anyone apart from my immediate family ie OH 3AC 3DGC. Previously I've bought for the whole extended family but we really can't afford it anymore as we are both on state pension. OH retired in May. There were 12 nieces and nephews, 3 sister's, 15 great nieces and nephews. It felt such a relief. Also will send cards to everyone for birthdays and Xmas but that's it. Birthday presents for our immediate family only.

I wouldn't bother in future .

My sister puts a little money straight into my bank for my birthday treat. I genuinly appreciate this & do treat myself , which I haven't got the money to do otherwise. So you see it's good that adults send other adults money sometimes.

In my family there is an unwritten but acknowledged rule....once a child reaches 18 all gifts /money stops ?...but we of course still acknowledge their birthdays with cards to the older generation and texts to the younger! Seems to work for us .