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AIBU

Recipricocity

(68 Posts)
mimismo Wed 18-Sep-19 11:51:34

I've known my sil for 40 odd years and always treated her birthday as if she was an equal to my sister. I've known my husband for nearly 30 years and he has never (well - hardly ever) received a birthday card from my brother/sister in law.
This year they were both 60 within 3 days of each other. I sent a card and a cheque, my husband received nothing. AIBU to be indignant about this situation. Btw it took a month for her to say thanks for the card and money.

crazyH Wed 18-Sep-19 12:05:47

Ofcourse, I'd be indignant. Don't send any more cards or cheques....

J52 Wed 18-Sep-19 12:11:55

Dreadful, don’t send anything again.
DHs brother and SIL are the same, we always sent birthday and Christmas gifts of things that we would enjoy ourselves. After years of ignorance, we no longer send anything other than a card.

Riverwalk Wed 18-Sep-19 12:14:11

I'm just wondering why adults send birthday money to each other hmm

Does anyone else do this?

stella1949 Wed 18-Sep-19 12:17:33

I'm just wondering why adults send birthday money to each other hmm

I'm wondering the same thing. Why on earth are you sending money to them ? Ridiculous.

Pantglas2 Wed 18-Sep-19 12:20:55

I got wise after a while when it was one way traffic (us to them) with siblings/in laws.

As we were first in family to have children, they stopped sending cards&presents after their respective 18th birthdays/Christmas and I carried on until theirs celebrated 18th/Christmas accordingly.

Faces were pulled the following year by some and the odd comment/reminder came our way until I said ‘Oh sorry, I thought you’d decided not to bother now that they’re adults?’

fizzers Wed 18-Sep-19 12:42:43

I'd stop that straight away

sodapop Wed 18-Sep-19 12:45:43

Maybe your brother and sister in law just don't want to get caught up in this cycle mimismo it was a kind thought but maybe just a card in future.

Sussexborn Wed 18-Sep-19 12:53:47

I would have given up after the first couple of years. Sad that more and more people seem to only show care and consideration for their immediate family but seems to be much more common now. Sad but a sign of the more selfish times we live in.

grapefruitpip Wed 18-Sep-19 13:01:54

My brother has never, ever sent me a card or asked about my well being.

leyla Wed 18-Sep-19 13:05:27

In future just send a card (go to the cheap cards shop!)

EllanVannin Wed 18-Sep-19 14:26:06

My brother always includes a cheque with my B/Card----and Christmas card too.

EllanVannin Wed 18-Sep-19 14:27:27

I send him cards but not money as he's got more than me.

KatyK Wed 18-Sep-19 14:30:18

I sent my sister in law a birthday card for years. She never thanked me or sent me one. Eventually I got fed up and stopped sending them. My brother phoned me and had a go at me for stopping sending them. What a cheek.

Septimia Wed 18-Sep-19 14:36:45

I send to niece and her children on DH's side, birthday card for her and card and a tenner each for the children. Also small things for Christmas.

Never get anything from them except the occasional Christmas card, not even thank yous. But they live close to SiL and I think they expect to be included on the cards she sends!

They're always friendly and welcoming when we get together, so I just let it go.

janeainsworth Wed 18-Sep-19 14:38:33

Riverwalk I'm just wondering why adults send birthday money to each other hmm Does anyone else do this?

No - why would you? It just says ‘I can’t be bothered thinking of a present for you and I can’t even be bothered going online and ordering a few flowers’confused

TrendyNannie6 Thu 19-Sep-19 10:28:05

I’d certainly stop sending cards n money

Granzi Thu 19-Sep-19 10:28:40

Every year for about 23 years, I have sent my friend a birthday card and a Christmas card and have never received one in return. I don’t think she even knows when my birthday is and has never bothered to enquire either. I sometimes wonder why I bother but then I do enjoy remembering people on their birthdays and at Christmas time.

Saggi Thu 19-Sep-19 10:52:23

In my family there is an unwritten but acknowledged rule....once a child reaches 18 all gifts /money stops 🚽...but we of course still acknowledge their birthdays with cards to the older generation and texts to the younger! Seems to work for us .

Mamar2 Thu 19-Sep-19 10:54:46

My sister puts a little money straight into my bank for my birthday treat. I genuinly appreciate this & do treat myself , which I haven't got the money to do otherwise. So you see it's good that adults send other adults money sometimes.

BusterTank Thu 19-Sep-19 10:58:34

I wouldn't bother in future .

sazz1 Thu 19-Sep-19 11:22:02

This Christmas I've told my sister that I won't be buying presents for anyone apart from my immediate family ie OH 3AC 3DGC. Previously I've bought for the whole extended family but we really can't afford it anymore as we are both on state pension. OH retired in May. There were 12 nieces and nephews, 3 sister's, 15 great nieces and nephews. It felt such a relief. Also will send cards to everyone for birthdays and Xmas but that's it. Birthday presents for our immediate family only.

Annaram1 Thu 19-Sep-19 11:23:15

What? Money for adults? I would find it insulting if any of my friends or family were to give me money at any time. A card or flowers, yes . Not money.

sunseeker Thu 19-Sep-19 11:28:21

It is hit and miss whether my brother and his wife send me a birthday card - on my 69th even my mother forgot!! I always send a card as I know they mean no disrespect - they just forget. When my brothers wife was having tests for a lung problem I sent her flowers (they live in another country). I did receive a phone call thanking me.

In the OPs case I would continue sending cards but I wouldn't send money or gifts.

mimismo Thu 19-Sep-19 11:32:43

I send money as I live abroad and actual presents are much more problematic. Only sent money as supposedly we celebrate the decades with a gift.