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Will update problem

(14 Posts)
sheilann734 Mon 07-Oct-19 09:42:20

I have recently been updating my Will , leaving money to my 2 AC and 2 grandchildren and DH. I would like to leave equal shares to my son and daughter but feel ver torn about this.
During his 16 year marriage which ended 3years ago he got into serious debt several times . He always worked hard to provide for his wife and two children but my ex DIL was a spendthrift who was always trying to keep up with wealthier friends and they lived beyond their means. My son admits he was weak and didn’t do enough to stop her overspending.
He is still working and sending her money for the children but is going through the family courts as he hasn’t seen the children for 3years. He is gradually paying off his debts.
My daughter and husband also work hard and have 2 teenage children. They struggle sometimes but are good with finance and never in debt.
AIBU in hesitating to leave them equal shares in my Will and to consider leaving less to my son, in view of his past record with finances? I am posting for the first time and would welcome your thoughts.

Teacheranne Mon 07-Oct-19 09:52:19

It's a difficult decision to make. As your son is now divorced and working hard to pay off his debts then personally I would give them equal shares. After all, you say it was his ex wife who was mainly responsible for their overspending.

However, if you are leaving money for your grandchildren, including your sons children who live with their mother, then you might want to put their inheritance into a discretionary trust to avoid the ex DIL having access to it.

MawB Mon 07-Oct-19 09:53:16

Could you help your DD out now? (Discreetly)
Once you are gone it won’t matter to you any more, but unequal shares could start a rift between brother and sister and IMO no mum wants to set her children against each other.

Oopsminty Mon 07-Oct-19 09:53:59

I think I'd go equal.

GrandmaMoira Mon 07-Oct-19 09:56:16

Personally I would leave them equally regardless of the debt. It sounds as if your son would not get into debt without the spendthrift wife in any case. Other people have one child with a well paying job and is comfortable and another child who has very little. I think they should still be left equal amounts. If you leave differing amounts the one with less could be left thinking you cared less for them.
Other people may have different views.

dogsmother Mon 07-Oct-19 09:58:06

I’m with Maw on this, a little discreet help now.
However nothing but evens for me when I’ve gone.

Eglantine21 Mon 07-Oct-19 10:03:24

I think MawB has made a good point, in that unequal shares would set your children against each other, at a time when you would hope they would draw closer.

I would divide the inheritance equally.

Are you worried he’ll waste your money? Either of them might at that point. The thrifty might blow it all on the holiday of a life time. The impecunious might clear there debts and get straight for the first time in their lives. We can’t know.

Mimipoppetnana Mon 07-Oct-19 10:08:18

Equal vote here , I could imagine both would be mortified if anything else . ( re value as your child ) Please don’t put daughter in this position, doing ‘right thing ‘ and equaling books or following your wishes . Either will make a very upsetting time even worse . Anyway let’s hope this doesn’t come in to play for a long time !

EllanVannin Mon 07-Oct-19 10:11:30

I'd be helping out now when the money is obviously needed.
I did that with my family rather than watch them struggle and it's worked out fine, plus they understand that once the funeral etc is paid there'll be very little left apart from the many saleable chattels. I downsized in order to enable me to help them before I got older. Best thing I ever did.

Leave the other sibling the equivalent amount as per your Will.

sheilann734 Mon 07-Oct-19 10:16:19

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. I have helped both of them over the years . It is just the thought that my son may
Waste the money as even before the marriage he several times asked me for financial help whereas daughter was more independent. I think I may decide to do equal shares after all !

FlexibleFriend Mon 07-Oct-19 13:22:58

I'm leaving more to one son than the other as one has already had quite a bit BUT they both know what my will says and are happy with it. There will be no unwanted surprises as both are fully aware and have had the opportunity to voice their opinions. So either discuss the situation or leave equal amounts, that way there can be no ill feeling.

Sara65 Mon 07-Oct-19 15:53:00

I think equal ammounts

Anja Mon 07-Oct-19 16:37:27

Give your son the benefit of the doubt and treat equally

Nansnet Tue 08-Oct-19 06:53:54

Definitely equal amounts. Could you imagine the hurt it would cause to your son, if it ever came out in the future that you'd left more to your daughter? I'm sure you love both equally, and wouldn't want your son made to feel otherwise.