Dealing with Intrusive people

GabriellaG54 seems to go untouched by most of the problems that beset ordinary folk......
She is either very lucky or going to be shocked when she discovers the truth is "Don't think it can't happen to you" It can, sadly.

Well Gabriella, my issues started after a virus. Yep, and a virus that no doctor could tell me what I had. It left me with about 4 different conditions and 2 are autoimmune. I am now on permanent medication for two of the conditions. I say this as my situation can happen to anyone and the conditions I have are chronic. On top of all that in my 50s I developed adult-onset asthma. I have been a non smoker all my life. Till this virus I was fit, healthy and never at a doctor's surgery. Now I am never away from the place. Don't think it can never happen to you.....

Yes I too find GabrielleG's post disturbing. Our lives were turned upside down five years ago when my Husband was diagnosed with cancer. He played lots of sports and went to the gym so certainly did not bring this or his other unrelated health problems upon himself anymore than I did my recent health diagnosis. It is just life and can happen to any of us at anytime. Glad GabrielleG at the moment appears not to have experienced any of this and sincerely hope she never does.

I too find GabriellaG's post rather disquieting. Yes if only a handful of pills would make my health pribkens go away Gabriella but they wont. I have grade 4 metatastic breast cancer and even chemotherapy wont cure it. There is no cure so my time here is limited and the medications I take that are supposed help me have awful side effects. It must be wonderful for you to be so uncaring and perfect.

I too find Gabriella’s post very disquieting. She clearly has never had to face major health issues and has nil sympathy for anyone who has.

Bluebelle, I too found Gabriella's post odd and a little upsetting, especially after having my procedure in hospital yesterday.
Unfortunately all of my conditions (some hidden) are genetic/inherited from both parents, (not sure of the correct term) and believe you me, I have been tempted ditch the pills many a time!
Unfortunately, I wouldn't be here typing this if I did so!

Despite a healthy lifestyle, I have been dealt this hand, nothing to do with poor diet, lack of exercise, living or working conditions. It's just the way life pans out.
I suspect in the past, many of these disabilities, health 'issues' and 'conditions' .went undiagnosed.
Due to better health care and living conditions, people are living longer and it's later in life when some conditions manifest themselves.

To look at me, you would think I looked really well and healthy, people can be so instrusive, when they want to know why you haven't been about and express shock and curiosity when you say you have had to retire..
They seem to think they have a right to know all your business, well they don't!
I save that for my GN friends!

Conversation should be enjoyable There may be many subjects you do or don’t want to talk about surely as an adult you can move on without going into any details if you don’t want to
What a strange post Gabriella I m amazed at people who have so little awareness of social interaction even on a forum

I'm amazed at the number of people who have disabilities, health 'issues' and 'conditions'.
One would think, with better living and working conditions plus advances in health care and numerous domestic appliances and a wider choice of foodstuffs, that fewer people would be reliant on a daily handful of tablets but it seems that iisn't the case.
Prescriptions on the rise. Mental health problems affecting many more people across all genders and age groups.
I feel there must be underlying reasons but I've no idea what they might be.

Having been a Nurse all my life I dont need people telling me details of their health issues as they seem to think it is my lifes interest listening to illnesses. I try to avoid such conversations and keep my own health problems to myself

I usually say " I'm okay thanks, getting there slowly but surely", no more details are needed. If you don't want to go i n to detail to the nosey parkers then don't. Just repeat what you've just said if necessary, and turn away with a smile if you can muster one up.

I suspect most people are simply genuinely concerned and trying to express that, especially if they haven't seen you for a while. I would possibly give them the benefit of the doubt as you don't want to offend those who are genuinely concerned.

Maybe say something fairly generic but draw the line at personal details . Maybe along the lines of " Thank you for asking how I'm doing - that's very kind. I'm learning to cope/our GP is very good/I'm improving slowly/ I got some treatment that helps quite a bit/ I have good support from my family.....
I don't like discussing the details though as it's quite personal/ I find it stressful/I get upset/I get embarrassed/I find it gets me down/I prefer to focus on the positives in life... How is your new grandson doing/how was your holiday/isn't it a sunny day?"

No-one should get offended by that and they'd have to be very rude to then start asking for details. If they do - be more abrupt!

Tell them you are as well as can be expected and going over things over and over makes it worse so you have decided not to talk about it and you are sure they understand and respect your decision. Big smile and change the subject asking them how they are.

I have osteoporosis in my pelvis, spine and hips. I use a crutch or wheelchair to get out and about. (I have other conditions too which are invisible to anyone who doesn't know me well.)
I had gone to a cafe for a spot of lunch with my OH and girls. A little boy around 3 came over to ask me why I walked with crutches. So I explained, he then went back to jus mom and told her what I'd said. She had quite clearly sent the boy to ask. I'd never seen them before.
Some people are just plain rude and nosey.
I try and deflect as much as possible. The how are you? How are you coping questions I just say yes fine thanks how are you? If they persist wanting medical information I just say it's a long story and I need to be off/ meeting someone. Thank you for your concern. It's very intrusive and difficult, also remember it's non of their business!

Thank you all for your great advice. Next time I will try thank you for asking but I would rather not talk about it at the moment or one of the many other phrases that are so helpful. I am grateful that people ask how I am it is just those who want all the detail which is too much for me. Thanks again for taking the time to give me these great ideas.

My sister is champion of telling people all about her illnesses in graphic details every time anyone visits. I now feel we are all experts on kidney dyalysis, transplants, diabetes, chest infection etc etc.
Personally I think carefully before discussing my health with any family members as I know everyone within 5 miles will know it.

There are days I also resort to yes still alive!

No-one is really interested in the details unless they need advice. In which case they ask a different question.
This is my experience.
Only very close friends really want to know. Family also don't really want to know unless they have similar.
Which I am fine with as I say I don't like to talk about it.
The world is full of far more than me being ill.

It is easy to talk to other people who share the same ailments and health issues though. Then it is a real conversation.

I'm sure that most of them are just trying to help, even if they feel they need to know more in order to offer the correct help. But it's your right not to talk about it and you should just tell them that you'd rather not discuss it. If necessary tell them it upsets you to think about it.

When my Dad (who had a lot of health problems in his last decade) was asked how he was, his standard reply was always, 'Oh you know - one foot in the grave and the other on a bar of soap'
When Victor Meldrew appeared many years later, I always thought of him while watching...

I would just say, "Thank you for asking, I'm doing all right and don't really want to discuss it." Then change the subject. Have one or two topics ready to trot out. Or simply ask, "How about you?" The answer to that will take up about half an hour, I suspect.

I would certainly just wish you better, and then leave it up to you to tell me what you want me to know.

'Oh you know good days and bad days, but dont we all?
Tell me how are you'?

Hopefully the response is not too long.

I lost my job due to illness two years ago and am unable to work. In the last two days I have had people I used to work with asking how I am, and expressing surprise at how well I look.

As I have several 'invisible' illnesses - but walk very slowly, with a stick, I just smile and ask after their health, thus diverting their attention.

However, my standard reply (for to respond honestly would take ages!), is to just smile and say 'Oh, you know, upright and breathing'.

Close friends and family members know my history, vague acquaintances do not need to.

My husband was in hospital a few years ago. A man he didn't particularly like kept phoning wanting details of the illness. I said "I dont think J would want me to discuss this". The man was really offended. He ended the call saying he knew someone with the same condition who was dead in 24 hours! His prediction didn't come true.

Judy54
You are correct and should not feel compelled to discuss personal issues with other than your nearest and dearest
A light hearted 'suggest you ask me that in x years' should suffice.They will no doubt be curious but isn't that their problem not yours.?















how do they answer that

Whilst these Nosey Parkers (for that is what they certainly are) think they have a some sort of sacred contract to stick their nose in they are VERY quick to take offence if you find the courage to say "that's MY business, if you don't mind, not yours."