AIBU? To cull this friendship

Agree ,I thought the same .

It all sounds a little strange to me. I can't imagine any of my friends coming round for a look at the bungalow and going off in a hurry, seems very rude.
First thing I thought was B was jealous of your refurbishment. might be totally wrong but some people are a bit like that.
You had arranged for a cinema visit also and the cup of tea was a lovely suggestion, can't see anything wrong with that at all.
If your friend A was having problems with hubby she should have text you and called off the visit, it is only polite to do that.
If this friendship is important to you then I would just wait for a phone call.

The ball is in their court. Maybe "B" was a little jealous of you having your bungalow refurbished. Jealousy is a nasty ugly thing to be on the receiving end of and sadly, those who are of a jealous nature don't know they are!!

My first thought was maybe they had had a row or something else they needed to discuss

This is what I assumed. There's nothing worse than trying to exchange pleasantries with other people and keep up a brave face when you really need to get the other person alone and talk things over.

It could be anything really. I don't think they'd have even bothered to come and see the house if they were not interested in your friendship at all. Sometimes people act strange for reasons no one else can fathom and unless you're looking for an excuse to break off with them try to let it pass (unless it happens too often for your toleration threshold)

CatterySlave, it was bad manners of A and B to go to that particular cafe unless they had some terrific emergency. I quite understand how that hurt your feelings.

I'd give them another chance at least, and maintain the friendship while expecting a little less than you'ld like from them. Perhaps either A or B is the thoughtless one and the other is a follower.

My first thought was maybe they had had a row or something else they needed to discuss

If they’d turned down your offer of coffee twice it’s just bad luck you went to the same place.
You said B wasn’t really interested in your house after the first look round, perhaps they’d heard enough about it and thought that would be the topic of conversation over coffee too. Were they still willing to go to the cinema? If yes they were obviously happy to be with you, just wanted a break, however weird that seems.
It’s a shame to see a friendship end, but sometimes we just have to move on.

It's possible that apart from an intial polite query, they are not that interested in how the bungalow works are going, perhaps they thought that if they went for coffee that would be the main topic of conversation. The works are obviously important to you but not to them, we all seem to forget that what is fascinating to us might bore the pants off someone else.

CatterySlavvel
Stop running yourself down.Maybe out of politeness they accepted your invitation but did not want to make a day of it but happy to meet for the cinema.Did you go to the cinema together ?if so leave it at that but wait for them to make the first move for any further outings together.

They have hurt you, and as they don't seem to be old friends, I would drop them in your place and try to make friends with other people instead.

My first thought was that it sounds like your friends had had an argument prior to your meeting up. Give A the benefit of the doubt but take your lead from her.

Who knows what their reasons were but if you can question the friendship after such a minor thing then I think maybe it’s you that doesn’t value it as you should. Some people find it hard to say no and you have no idea what might be going on in their marriage or private lives. They may have needed to discuss something privately. I think you’re completely over-reacting and are being quite childish about it. I think you should apologise to them personally. It sounds very needy from your side.

It is odd that if you were all going to the cinema together, they opted to do the ' in between bit ' by themselves.

Perhaps they just changed their mind & decided they fancied a cuppa after all?
It’s really no big deal.
It’s always better to assume that any offence taken isn’t intended by the perpetrators!

My gut reaction has never been wrong even though I've ignored or fought against it. Go with yours. I think it's rude not to acknowledge invitations however casually mentioned. I had a friend for over 30 years but hadn't a clue that she displayed behaviour I discovered was narcissistic. I've dropped her now and have such a sense of freedom from her lying manipulative drama.

Sorry, Monica... didn’t see your reply; you got in first!

Definitely you’re being very precious and unnecessary over this, I’m sorry. Storm in a coffee cup, or what.

Thanks for taking the time everyone. I guess I’m just super sensitive. I suppose I’m used to accepting or declining invitations rather than just ignoring it and it felt quite rude. Then to see them there confirmed that they wanted the cuppa but not the company. I’ve absolutely no problem with them declining the invitation but wish they’d done so instead of ignoring it and going anyway. Thanks for the advice. I’ll suck my pride in lol

Why not just apologise for overreacting, buy her some flowers and say you were stressed and over sensitive because of the building and see what happens?

Your gut feelings over this are probably right - but when you try to put them into words and actions they can seem weird. Embarrassing for all really. never mind. Couple relationships are complex, it's really a big ask for all four people to be at ease with each other. B is probably putting foot down making it difficult for A. Accept the limitations, honour the boundaries, don't offer more in future.

I would have been hurt by this too, and don't agree with the other opinions on this thread. If they couldn't just say they had other plans and decline the offer of going for coffee together, or seem that interested in a big event going on in your life, then there isn't much communication going on here. I'd be inclined to let this friendship (if that's what it is) just drop away.

Massive over reaction on your part, jeez if you'd just gone in for a coffee and laughed it off it would have all been avoided. You feeling you're not good enough for them is on you not them and they're no doubt bewildered by what they've done for you to behave as you did.

is this the only thing that bothers you about them? I have a similar situation with someone that has lasted 16 years, its all on their terms,i'm starting to wise up that i have given far too much of myself.Frendships i feel should flow ,with the inevitable twists and turns,give and take, do unto others etc.
If it becomes hard work then is it time to let them go?

I totally understand why you felt hurt and rejected, I would have done as well. I'm sorry, but I don't agree with most of the posts on here, I think they made it fairly clear, having ignored your coffee invites twice, that they really didn't want to have coffee with you (sorry, that sounds harsh and, to quote a well-known line, I don't think it's you, it's them). I suggest you now don't contact them again and see if they contact you. If they do, then try and treat it as a new friendship and let go of the old slights, but if they don't, then you're well shot.
Having said that, it doesn't sound as though you'd seen them in a while, prehaps they had some serious problems they needed to talk about privately? Although they could still have spologised and explained instead of ignoring you.