AIBU? To cull this friendship

I think you are overthinking this whole situation. There are many reasons why your friends might have wanted some time to themselves. Or maybe they were just being polite as your home isn't very habitable yet. Maybe A mentioned B was interested in how you were getting on, but B actually wasn't interested.

If you enjoy their company and friendship then forget about it. If in the future they seem to be distancing themselves from you then that is a shame, but some friendships don't last forever.

Just see how it goes, if they continue to seem to pull away, just gently pull away yourselves.

I apologise for the pun in advance, but it all seems a storm in a teacup.

Wildswan16 that’s why I suggested going for a cuppa and chat somewhere (would’ve been at my expense as I thought it silly to invite them and not be able to offer them a seat let alone a hot drink, and I often have a cuppa at theirs!) But maybe you’re right and this menopausal mood swings is making me prickly and too easily offended. Thanks for both your perspectives.

If I was you I would just apologise and say I had been oversensitive and then forget about it. Hope it all blows over

Not worth worrying about Let it go

You don't know what might be going on with them, that they needed to discuss.

As they hadn't confirmed anything about the cuppa they felt free to go on their way, and if they'd gone somewhere else for their chat you'd have known nothing about it.

Just apologise for over-reacting and see how things go.

I agree, something and nothing, not worth falling out over.

If I was A or B I’d feel you were overreacting, as FarNorth said, you don’t know their reasons, they’re probably wondering what on earth they’re meant to have done.

I agree with all of the comments, storm in a teacup.

They could have had a «domestic» and needed to calm down/clear the air ?

Just let it go. Things will sort themselves out one way or another. The other couple may have had a reason for doing this, but perhaps don't want to tell you.

From what I can gather, they did not agree to have coffee with you in the first place, so it was a complete coincidence that you both went to the same place - it would have been better if you had joked with them that great minds think alike and leaving it at that rather than texting them and asking for an explanation!
Just leave it as is - they are two adults that may well have just wanted to spend time together . I just think you are reading too much into it.

Let it go. If one of them turned out to be seriously ill or worse tomorrow this would be so unimportant that you would wonder why it had been such a big deal.
Make your peace, apologise even if you feel you have done nothing wrong. Carry on your friendship, or not, but you will have done the right thing so you can relax and 'let it go'.

I totally understand why you felt hurt and rejected, I would have done as well. I'm sorry, but I don't agree with most of the posts on here, I think they made it fairly clear, having ignored your coffee invites twice, that they really didn't want to have coffee with you (sorry, that sounds harsh and, to quote a well-known line, I don't think it's you, it's them). I suggest you now don't contact them again and see if they contact you. If they do, then try and treat it as a new friendship and let go of the old slights, but if they don't, then you're well shot.
Having said that, it doesn't sound as though you'd seen them in a while, prehaps they had some serious problems they needed to talk about privately? Although they could still have spologised and explained instead of ignoring you.

is this the only thing that bothers you about them? I have a similar situation with someone that has lasted 16 years, its all on their terms,i'm starting to wise up that i have given far too much of myself.Frendships i feel should flow ,with the inevitable twists and turns,give and take, do unto others etc.
If it becomes hard work then is it time to let them go?

Massive over reaction on your part, jeez if you'd just gone in for a coffee and laughed it off it would have all been avoided. You feeling you're not good enough for them is on you not them and they're no doubt bewildered by what they've done for you to behave as you did.

I would have been hurt by this too, and don't agree with the other opinions on this thread. If they couldn't just say they had other plans and decline the offer of going for coffee together, or seem that interested in a big event going on in your life, then there isn't much communication going on here. I'd be inclined to let this friendship (if that's what it is) just drop away.

Your gut feelings over this are probably right - but when you try to put them into words and actions they can seem weird. Embarrassing for all really. never mind. Couple relationships are complex, it's really a big ask for all four people to be at ease with each other. B is probably putting foot down making it difficult for A. Accept the limitations, honour the boundaries, don't offer more in future.

Why not just apologise for overreacting, buy her some flowers and say you were stressed and over sensitive because of the building and see what happens?

Thanks for taking the time everyone. I guess I’m just super sensitive. I suppose I’m used to accepting or declining invitations rather than just ignoring it and it felt quite rude. Then to see them there confirmed that they wanted the cuppa but not the company. I’ve absolutely no problem with them declining the invitation but wish they’d done so instead of ignoring it and going anyway. Thanks for the advice. I’ll suck my pride in lol

Definitely you’re being very precious and unnecessary over this, I’m sorry. Storm in a coffee cup, or what.

Sorry, Monica... didn’t see your reply; you got in first!

My gut reaction has never been wrong even though I've ignored or fought against it. Go with yours. I think it's rude not to acknowledge invitations however casually mentioned. I had a friend for over 30 years but hadn't a clue that she displayed behaviour I discovered was narcissistic. I've dropped her now and have such a sense of freedom from her lying manipulative drama.

Perhaps they just changed their mind & decided they fancied a cuppa after all?
It’s really no big deal.
It’s always better to assume that any offence taken isn’t intended by the perpetrators!

It is odd that if you were all going to the cinema together, they opted to do the ' in between bit ' by themselves.