Putting a DOG before a child? ABIU??

you are totally right. The dog can go into kennels or to a trusted friend for an afternoon!

they are more or less her exact words but it doesn't address the fact that the dog is liable to bite anyone at the party not just my GS

No it doesnt. Dogs see toddlers/babies totally differently to adults and older children.

A dog that is used to being around older children and adults can be safely socialised with them. However if it is not used to toddlers it becomes unpredictable/unknown and the owner would have to "manage" that constantly and well they cant if they are hosting can they?

If they want the NZ visitors to experience their home and home life and a dog is part of that, it makes sense that the dog is there. When I visit friends and familu abroad I want to see their lives/homes to give all that context when we are talking remotely. Its nice to see the "ordinary"

* It seems odd that the dog is put into kennels when her own grandchildren visit but not this time.*

Not really. They go to that expense so their own GC can visit their home. But paying kennel fees for a cousins grandchild to visit? Not so much a priority I would have thought. Especially as they will be forking out for food and drink as well.

her own GChildren won't be there

So it was a bit missleading to say that the only ones missing out will be your GC and possibly DD if she choses to decline.

I would be relieved that my GC was not going under the circumstances. It's a bit difficult to imagine having a party with such an unpredictable dog about. Especially as it's likely to be noisy etc. Still I would go and make the most of it, under the circumstances.

A dog that is territorial and bitey around other dogs can be absolutely fine around older children and adults

The problem is dogs can see visiting toddlers as other dogs not humans. So its a different kettle of fish.

Oh dear notanan you really are defensive on behalf of the cousin and dog
Why would a dog not be a) muzzled (it cant be very good with adults if it needs to be muzzled for grooming !) or b) put in another room for the duration of the party a dog that is territorial ‘can’ bite anyone and who wants a dog around drink and food (presuming there will be some) and will the dog be happy with all this noise and different folk in his/her house
I like dogs but I would never make one be part of a big noisy crowd of strangers for its sake as much as the party goers sakes

I just think it's incredibly entitled to tell someone who they should invite to their house

Or to accept an invitation knowing you will probably be unpleasant to the host and will tell them they are hosting wrong!

I really think the OP should stay home. Accepting grudgingly and going planning to possibly have a gig at the host is not being the bigger person.

"did"

Eugh lol: DIG!

I can never get the hang of typing on phones..

I'm sure those visiting from NZ are not just coming for the party and then going home again so they'll have time to meet the child during their stay should they want to. You can't dictate what others do in their own home but you can choose not to go to the party. It's not fair on a territorial dog to invite a load of strangers to it's home but it's their dog and their home so can do as they please. It would be better to put the dog in kennels for a couple of days but it's their choice. So yes it's unreasonable for you to demand anything just refuse the invite and say why and if you feel that strongly organise your own do.

If her own GC aren’t going either and it’s gong to be an adults only party can you not host another get together for the families with young children? It could even be on the same day, just a different time which doesn’t overlap.

I am with those who do think the cousin is being unreasonable! However I think there must be more than meets the eye to this situation if only your DGS is being excluded?
I wouldn’t attend the party with an atmosphere of bad feelings such as this, and would instead arrange a separate gathering for the NZ party to meet your DGS.

You aren't being unreasonable, Magpie. However, being excluded won't really matter to your grandson, the NZ contingent will meet him at the wedding (I assume), and if you make a stand on the matter, you'll be living with the fall out long after they've returned to NZ.

From the NZ point of view, they don't love your grandson like you do so they won't be devastated.

Taking all into account, I'd go to the get together and say nothing about your grandson'e absence but give the dog a wide berth.

grandson's

I really think that it would be far more reasonable to have somebody else look after the dog. Still, it's their gathering and they are free to invite (or not) whoever they choose.

Equally, those invited can decide whether to go. It's not good manners to try to change their arrangements.

On the assumption that there's going to be food at this get together it's hardly the place for a dog at all surely? Plus, if there's a lot of people milling about it will probably put the dog at risk of being trodden on.

Exactly, H1954, but some people are really silly about their pets. I wouldn't want to risk taking a small child there anyway. Still, if I were the cousin I'd be most offended by a guest trying to dictate how I do my party!

However I think there must be more than meets the eye to this situation if only your DGS is being excluded?

The host's GCs are not going either. It's not going to be every single family member but the OPs GC

They may plan to crate the dog if it gets too busy but a 3yr old cannot be relied upon to leave a crated dog be!

This is a very worrying situation. Holding a large gathering, knowing that an aggressive dog will be there, is very irresponsible. If it was me, I'd be concerned for my own safety, never mind a child's. You would be wise to refuse to attend.

The hosts GC will not be attending as they live overseas.
The will be several other children at the party but my GS is the only one excluded. The other children are older - from 7ys to 15 yrs.
notanan - you make an awful lot of assumptions, none of which are accurate or fair so I will continue to ignore your posts.

You’re not being unreasonable Magpie. If the dog is territorial and liable to bite then she has a duty of care to all of her guests - I wouldn’t want to attend a party with a dog like that and I certainly wouldn’t want my 7 year old (and older) attending either. Some people are very strange when it comes to their dogs though.

notanan ...are you deliberately missing the point?

Bluebell ...common sense, Thank goodness!