To dislike his female friend?

Is there a nice chap you could introduce this woman to? She sounds a bit sad and as if she could do with some distracting.

Thanks for all of your views.

DP was definitely oblivious to her ‘ways’ until the first time I got upset. He’s more aware now and does all he can to reassure me. He’s attentive when we are all out together and whilst he likes me to attend these occasions, he understands when I either genuinely can’t make it, or I make an excuse.
She neither has a partner nor children. It doesn’t seem like she has many female friends, but I don’t really know her well enough.

I can’t expect my DP to distance himself from her as she is his friends cousin and they all enjoy that sport and getting together for a meal afterwards.

I did hear her discussing a ‘quiz night’ at our last meal but got distracted. If DP mentions this, I will be clear that I am not happy with other social occasions outside their mutual sport interest.

I am, admittedly pretty scarred by my other two long term relationships ending due to infidelity on their part.

We are hopefully getting together tonight and I think I will talk to him about it again as some comments at the last meal are eating away at me

Nannan2

The tales I could tell about women on the make, not just with men but female relatives as well, they would make your hair curl. I haven’t heard personally about a man doing it but wealthy widows are vulnerable.
The likely reason they are not living together is children that are “baggage”, much easier to keep them separate.

This rings alarm bells in my head as I went through something very similar. It didn't end well... Keep an eye on her.

What a pain!! I agree totally with HappyBumblebee

She was a friend to your partner, he was a friend to her. They obviously liked each other and had things in common. If it was going to develop into a relationship it could and would have.
Maybe it’s quite simple - she appears confident but perhaps has other issues that aren’t obvious. Maybe she feels she’s going to lose a good friendship, once the two of you live together and is reacting to her disappointment. Obviously you have had some interactions with her but is it also possible that others are “stirring” also?
Also, do you need to regularly discuss her with your partner? Are you in danger of making a big thing out of a simple friendship? Would it feel the same if it was a male pal? Is she over compensating with his children as she’s panicking about losing contact with them all?
It’s all very difficult as so much about motives etc is unknown.

Davidhs you always give such good, astute advice.

Flaxseed If he'd wanted to have a wild affaire with this manipulative woman, he would have done so long ago.

He's known her 8 years and yet never taken the lure, otherwise he'd have ignored you - and he hasn't.
He loves you and has future plans. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.

She, on the other hand, has. She's used a few psychological tricks to make you feel like an 'outsider' because she cannot afford to be seen to be getting rid of you openly.
Thank goodness you're a brilliant actress. Keep it up.

She's flogging a dead horse but hasn't quite realised yet, despite the hints, that poor old Dobbin has expired.

Worming her way in with his children is the latest, desperate plan. That's not going to work either. What does it take to get through to this eejit?

Why on earth would they want to hang out with a crazy person 15 years their senior?

The fact that your DP was frank enough to tell someone, in her presence, that you and he are thinking of moving in together, tells you he's happy with that and not looking for other 'interests'.

And maybe as a wee bonus, it was a hint to her too. you're wasting your time, lady

Your DP sounds too much of a gentleman to tell her outright that he doesn't fancy her and never will.

But it must be obvious to everyone else, after all this time.
Thick as two short planks she is.

Her telling you secrets may have been an attempt to try and get info out of you, even try to get you moaning about DP.

She sounds not as unconscious as she appears.

I agree, keep your friends close but your enemies closer Flaxseed and show, don’t tell, how you and DP are close and getting closer.

Sorry greengran

She could have a younger partner grrengran?

Agree with Tigertooth

Personally, I think she is enjoying rubbing your nose in it. Talking about how much she enjoyed the family’s company and about visiting when they move abroad? A pleasant and tactful person does not have this sort of conversation. Nor the sort of conversation with your DP, about people only they know, excluding you. I don’t like the sound of her at all. She sounds like the sort of person who is ‘out for herself’ with no consideration for others. It’s great that you trust your DP, but I would not trust her.
I would go on the lunches and the trips and be the better person. However, if she has conversations with your DP that exclude you, then tell him that that is unacceptable. If you’re trapped with her and she’s raving on about your DP’s family, (how crass and insensitive is that?) then you rave on some more. Whatever she’s done, you’ve one it better, whatever she knows, that’s old news to you.... etc.
Sorry, she sounds awful to me.
xx

Some female friends are ok,some are not,platonic ones ,who wish to stay so,dont act like this- move in with your partner asap,if he doesnt want to,ask why not when he told his friends he was,also beware though shes not just vying for attention,and then you'l be the one with egg on your face,so to speak.i was a platonic friend though,of a man who got together with a woman who 'befriended' him,and after a few weeks she,and her mother,both moved into his house,recently left him by his late father( along with a little money) i tried to warn him,but he wouldnt listen,a few weeks after that she had married him,then started cutting all his friends out of his life,even male ones,stopped going to his local pub,stopped ringing me,(she'd started answering his txts for him)i didnt see my friend often,as id moved out of area,but we had friends in common,and used to 'catch up' every 3mths or so,just a drink& chat.but she stopped all that.& i dont have his number anymore.Now ive heard from a neighbour of his,she ran him up a load of debt,he had to sell the house,and neighbour doesnt know if she left him or not.i hope so,for his sake.Men dont see the 'warning signs' like we do.Ask your partner if you have a future together,or not?6 years to 'be together' without actually being together(living together) seems like procrastinating to me.good luck.

I just wonder if she has thought of him as more than a friend for some time and actually knew that she never stood a chance , then you came along and in front of you she is either staking a claim to say "I was here before you" or she is making a last desperate grab to get his attention not as a friend but as a woman. The fact that he has told her that he plans to move in with you, will make her realise that she doesn't stand a chance - but it doesn't stop her trying!
Either that or sh is thinking that you will get so p****d off that you and he will split up. Or of course, could be she doesn't want him, but doesn't want anyone else to have him!
Her decision to tell you her darkest secret was probably a test to see if you would tell your partner and she rang him just to stir up a bit of trouble between you!
I would just sit tight - he has stated his plans for your future together. Treat her just the same as always however flirty she gets and if she can't get a reaction from you, she will hopefully give up - eventually, but be prepared for a long haul !

She is 20 years older than her partner. I doubt that he would be interested in her in a romantic way. If he is retired, she must be in her 80’s.
She sounds like a rather sad and silly person. I would just accept that she resents anyone muscling in on her friendship, and remain polite, but distant.

MollyPolly60

Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer! Be her friend and keep your eye on her

This with bells on .,, and when the next residential is on - go and join them. Even if you have to meet them there for the weekend...be a solid presence with DP in her eyes.

Lots of women like this about.
Don’t feel threatened by her. I’d actually feel sorry for her.
It’s pathetic behaviour and your partner needs to realise this too.
Others in your family gatherings must see this too. It’s probably just unspoken among them

Jealousy is the jaundice of the soul.

(John Dryden)

I agree with BlueBelle she has the the assumption she is his personal friend and is not fond of intruders to their friendship.I would watch her carefully but quietly but let her know you are on to her if you can.
Have you ever asked why she does not have a partner at all (not that everyone needs to have one) it just seems strange she is so taken with your DP and his family.

Single women like this can cause havoc, although she is confident and flirty why is she single and choosing male company. Over the years I have seen a few women like this, they don’t get on with other women and have caused problems for other couples.

I suggest get to know her and find out what her hang ups are, past relationships, career, why she is interested in that particular sport. Form your own opinion what her personality is like, is she just independent or has she got a trait that makes her unattractive. Yourself having no interest in your partners sport and your living apart would give her an opportunity if she made a play for him. How strong is your relationship with him?, why did he choose you over her.

sounds to me as if she’s known him so long she feels he’s hers shes held out hope all these yese but tedbar he has only known her two years longer than flaxseed so it’s not really due to years and years of friendship I think she has seen him as hers though and is using the waddle my way in to her before the spiked horns come out
Flaxseed say nothing to her that could ever be twisted to come back against you because by making you her friend she’s looking for fodder to ‘get’ you with before she sneaks in under the radar
Good luck paint the smile on and sit on the other side of your partner at the meals

The issue here isn't really the 'other woman', it's the response of Flaxeed's partner. He needs a word from the wise, to distance himself from this woman who it seems would like to replace Flaxeed in his affections. He needs to make ti clear that isn't going to happen and stop enjoying the attention quite so much.
Flaxeed can't influence this woman, no matter how close she keeps her. Why would anyone want to develop a fake friendship in order to try and stop the fake friend making off with her partner?

I agree with Tedber , its you who was chosen as a life partner flaxseed this woman is just a friend. Good advice here especially " keep your friends close and your enemies closer".

I’m sure we’ve all know a woman like this at some point, other women seem to see through them straight away, but they are clever and manipulative, and if you start making a fuss about her, your partner may spring to her defence, because she’s such a great girl, so much fun.

As others have already said, she’s trying to get a reaction from you, so she can act all hurt “I can’t imagine what I’ve done, I thought we were friends” type of things.

You can’t bank on your partner seeing through her I’m afraid, so just annoy the hell out of her by acting as if she’s of no consequence to you, by being nice, you may provoke her into being nasty and showing her true colours.

She is trouble, that’s for sure.

But he has chosen YOU Flaseed. Remember that.

Sounds to me like she has known DP so long she feels he is hers in some way. Maybe she has held out hope all these years that DP would eventually choose her? Whereas DP doesn’t see it like this. After all, if he did, he has had plenty of opportunity.
What she CAN do, as she is doing, is make you feel uncomfortable so you don’t join them and she has him to herself at matches! Not nice! But have met them - women like that!!! All smiles and butter wouldn’t melt but pure conniving b’s!!!

Unfortunately most men seem blind to this type of manipulation. DP will see it as the friend he thinks she is. Don’t allow her to make you feel like this though. Don’t try to become “friends” or try to stop DP from going to the matches. Give people enough rope and eventually they gang themselves. Like his children will probably see through her.

There is so much more I could write but need to get ready for work.