Will try to keep it brief as possible.
I have been with DP for almost 6 years. Live apart. He took early retirement, I still work.
Female friend precedes me by a couple of years. She is the cousin of one of his best friends.
DP, his best friend and the female cousin share a mutual sporting interest.
Every couple of months, they all get together after a game and have an evening meal out. Her parents, and sometimes other friends join them.
I was introduced to the group meal about a year after myself and DP started seeing each other and she seemed ok. She’s very chatty, confident and flirty. Everything I’m not.
At one of the first meals we all got a bit drunk and she started discussing something with me that she hadn’t told anybody else. I thought it was strange - but thought maybe it was easier for her to open up to a ‘stranger’. I listened and gave advice and gave her my number so she could meet up in the future. She swore me to secrecy.
The next day, she messaged DP and asked him to thank me for listening to her, that she had taken my advice and was taking steps to get help.
Needless to say, he was confused as he had no idea what we had discussed and I was annoyed that, whilst she had my number, she had now made it awkward by messaging him instead of me
When we met up again, she didn’t mention anything about it and never has to this day.
Since then, whenever I join them for a meal (I have to miss one every so often if I babysit or work) she makes sure she talks to DP about their mutual interest or mutual friends whom I don’t know. When we all say goodnight she hugs DP just that bit longer than you would hug a friend.
I try not to show it’s bothering me and I do confide in DP afterwards where he constantly reassures me about his feelings for me (which I have never doubted) but he inevitably ends up feeling awkward because he is aware of what she’s like, but does enjoy her company.
I don’t want him to feel awkward. She was his friend before I came along and I know he’s not interested in anything other than their shared interest.
A couple of months ago, DP, his adult children, this woman, and a few others all went away for a few days to a tournament. I could have gone but I am not remotely interested in this sport, nor did I have the time to take off of work. DP was in contact with me a lot and I totally trust him so didn’t have an issue with it.
However, last weekend was the latest meal ‘get together’
I knew she would annoy me more than usual so I was prepared to be the ‘bigger person’ and I asked her how she had enjoyed the trip etc.
What I wasn’t prepared for was her fawning to DP about how much she enjoyed his children’s company. How much fun she had with them, how it was such a shame they couldn’t make the meal (they never come to the meal ) and how she’s making plans to visit one of his DC when they move abroad next year.
I put on such a show I don’t think DP was aware of how it made me feel.
I had to get up early the next day to go to work so haven’t had a chance to speak to him face to face.
There’s no reason she shouldn’t be friends with them of course, but I feel she just wants to penetrate the family anyway she can. For the record, she’s 15 years older than the oldest DC and 20 years younger than DP.
She was apparently quite horrified when someone on the trip asked DP what his future plans were, and he said that living with me was on the agenda.
She was concerned that he wouldn’t ‘be allowed’ to partake in any further trips
AIBU to really dislike this woman?
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