To dislike his female friend?

Sounds like you've found yourself a good one there, Flaxseed. Hold on to him, and don't let this silly woman come between you.

I'm SO pleased that you've been able to discuss how you feel openly with your DP, and that he understands, and has agreed that if the shoe were on the other foot he wouldn't like it.

Seems like you have nothing left to worry about, well done!

Good plan Flaxseed. Your DP sounds lovely.

Thanks everyone.
I’ll be careful what I post in future

I really appreciate all of your views and managed to chat to DP about it last night.
He totally understands why I feel like I do as he was cheated on by his ex wife.

I have a single male neighbour whom I been friends with for years and DP has got to know him over the years.
I explained that there is no way he would behave as this woman does. He’s far too respectful.
He agreed that he would hate it if he did.

We have agreed that should I go to one of the meals again, I will kick him under the table if I am annoyed by something she says (as suggested by someone - thank you) and that he won’t socialise with her/them other than their shared interest.

There is no way I would insist he stops going to the matches as I know how much he enjoys them.
He really is a nice, kind man and it’s taken me all of my adult life to find a decent one, especially one who doesn’t get defensive when we discuss issues!
Neither of us want this to come between us, so instead of stewing on her antics in the future, we will discuss it straight away.

I’ll just carry on smiling sweetly in her company

Flaxseed GNHQ will remove a post on request if it gives too much info. I imagine Mumsnet admin will do the same if you ask them.

A lot of good advice here but be very wary of her. There are single females who prefer other women's partners & never marry. They enjoy the misery they cause, note she let your partner know abt the chat but you had promised to keep her secret. You are being gas lighted by this person & she probably has a reputation of being an unpleasant person. Your partner must realise what she is doing and know it worries you.

My understanding is that once you post on here you give up copyright. Biggest problems come when rags like the Daily Fail get hold of it.

No time to update at the moment, but bit concerned this has found its way to Mumsnet!
I came off of there years ago
Can I contact someone to get it removed?!

@Flaxseed just to give you the heads up this thread has been featured on Mumsnet.
Disapprove of that myself. Mentioning it in case you notice any change in the type of replies you get.

Beware, be very aware! I had a similar situation years ago. My husband and his friend were into a particular sport, which I had no interest in. At one point, his friend invited along his partner and her best friend (who was in an unhappy marriage at the time) to join them in the activity, as it was something they all enjoyed taking part in. I knew both of the women socially, and whilst it irritated me a little, because I felt a bit left out, I didn't feel it was fair to complain just because I wasn't interested in taking part.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, over time this developed into social gatherings afterwards, which I wasn't involved in. Then I discovered that the married woman had contacted my husband at his office to invite him out for lunch during the working week. I might add that I have never had any issues regarding trust as far as my husband is concerned, but I did feel unhappy when I found out about this. My husband actually did say that initially he thought nothing of it, that it was just a 'friend' inviting him out for lunch. But then, he chose not to tell me straight away, as something made him feel uneasy about the whole situation. Looking back, she was most definitely trying to weedle her way into my husband's affections. I was having none of it, and put my foot down. My husband agreed that the situation wasn't right, and stopped being involved with the little group activity. Our marriage was more important than that. We've not seen the woman in years, but I know she is now divorced, and I'm still happily married.

Don't let woman ruin your relationship. She may be happily single, and not interested in a relationship with your DP, but sounds like she doesn't want you to have one with him either.
Women's intuition is an amazing thing ... if you think there's something not quite right, then it probably isn't ...

I can rather relate to this, although the situation with my DH was rather different. DH’a first wife left him for a childhood sweetheart after 20 odd years of marriage. After a while he met and fell madly in love with another woman. They were in a relationship for a short while but she decided that they were better off as friends. He was still in love with her and so accepted the ‘friendship’.

A few months later he and I met and started dating, he was completely honest with me about everything. At first everything was okay-ish, but when he started to get serious about our relationship she threw himself at him BIG style and suddenly decided that she had made a mistake and wanted a relationship with him after all. Fortunately for me it was too late for him and he had committed to our relationship. We have now been together for a smidge under ten years and married for nine. We are very happy and I truly have married the kindest, sweetest man, he is my best friend. Obviously she is very long out of the picture.

I would recommend you carry on as you are doing, but keep a VERY close eye on her. Don’t force the situation, with enough rope she will hang herself.

Good luck and I hope it works out for you, sounds like you have a decent chap.

Your DP sounds like a nice & honourable (if that’s not too old-fashioned an expression), Flaxseed.
Trust him.
Some women can’t stop themselves behaving in a flirty way I’m afraid, they must get something out of it and she will enjoy it all the more if she sees it upsets you. They’re the female equivalent of Boris Johnson touching women’s thighs under the table.
So put on a brave face, be quietly confident that you’re a much better woman and that DP chose you, not her, and enjoy your relationship.

My DHs ex GF reappeared to stake some claim, long after they had split up but when I was on the scene.
She nearly succeeded in breaking us up because I had only just met him so could have run a mile except that he worked really hard to woo me back!!

Over the years I have come across at least 3 women who only have eyes for other people's partners. I think it may be a lack of confidence on their part. They only want what you have. If someone unattached fancies them, they can't be good enough.
A bit like the Groucho Marx saying: "I would not join any club that would have me as a member"

You are handling this so well. Dont get drawn into her territorial game. Visiting your OHs kids may not happen, let it go. She is p%$%$%g on lampposts shes insecure.

She is a bitch. Tell your fella to stop most of the socialiisng with her. Even if she doesn't want to have a relationship with him, she clearly enjoys making you feel uncomfortable.

Mm, DP seems a bit quiet on this subject, and okay I get the logistics thing regarding moving in, but six years? and there's clearly a problem with this person. You're not happy with the situation. My husband had female friends before we got together and I very quickly realised that even though they had their own partners, he was the floating male and they rather enjoyed the situation as it was. Consequently I was made to feel like an outsider. DP needs to wake up to how you're feeling and I don't understand why you're tiptoing around them. Tell him or tell her. Draw a line and wait to see if someone steps over it. You might be surprised at the very least, and at best it will solve the problem. Men always plead wide-eyed innocence. Take the initiative.

Sounds like she still holds a candle for him and is jealous of your relationship with him and in turn is trying to make you jealous or upset in some way (which she is succeeding in doing so) If you can categorically say that there is nothing going on between your OH and her then ignore it all. To fall out with your OH is playing into her hands.

I think you are going to have to take a bit more interest in his hobby and make sure you go on the weekends away. You could always take yourself off somewhere for part of the day. When it comes to goodbyes why not take his hand or put your arm round him, smiling all the time and say a cheery goodbye, if she tries to get into a clinch then it could get very interesting! Many many years ago I worked as the junior secretary to someone who was madly in love with the boss. I could see it was hopeless and so could the rest of the office but the boss seemed totally unaware of it all. It was very sad, although being so young I don't remember having any sympathy for her.

Oh no totally disagree "GoldenAge" that anybody should force themselves to be interested in a sport they aren't interest in!

I have a season ticket to a football club, my husband not slightest bit interested! IF he decided to come along to games I would absolutely hate it! Would ruin my enjoyment completely knowing he has no interest whatsoever and is just there to check up on me, the people around me, the friends I have cultivated. No, no, no, Flaxseed - not the way to go. Don't force yourself to enjoy something you don't. Just keep going to the meals as and when you can.

If this woman is unhappy that your DP is intending to move in with you and worried that this development will put a stop to her flirtation with him, you need to recognise that she has designs on him no matter how long they may have taken to be formally spoken about. Personally, I would tell your DP and at the same time tell him that the longer-than-usual hugs that mark their partings after their gatherings, mean more to her than to him and that she is building up some special meaning in them. He has to stop that and it doesn't matter that you have no interest in their mutual interest, you need to start developing an interest so you can see for yourself how she relates to him on the occasions when they are 'sharing'.

Flighty female, she is just doing this for show, she is probably very lonely inside . I have met people like this before, my ex-husbands new wife, who calls my grown up son's "her boys" . They often try to provoke a reaction, and say things to make themselves feel bigger and better. I have learned not to enter this game as they just want to be the centre of attention. I found it best to be the bigger a person and not engage with the stories they create ( especially with your DP). She is stirring the pot here... xx

I would try and swerve the meals when she is present . Being your relationship is fine but she the only fly in ointment , I would try to have as lease to do with her as possible . I'm sure she is taking great pleasure in winding you up and at the moment you are feeding into it . Maybe your partner's children were just being polite to her . Just be honest with your partner and tell him you would rather not be in her company .

And go with him if you can. Do a surprise turn up.

To me, it appears she's the one whose jealous of you.

By now, she should know she can't have him, so beware! It's very likely she stays close just so she can make trouble and cause a rift between the two of you.

Reminds me of the Julia Roberts film ( My Best Friend's Wedding). It's the one where she sets out to break up the engagement when she learns her old friend is marrying someone else.

Unlike most films, real life is more complicated. You're going to have to be more cunning than she is if you want to beat her at her own game.

Grammeretto is 100% spot on.
I know a slutty woman who is only interested in other women`s partner`s/husband`s and when she has caused an upset off they go to the next stupid man.
Sadly the wife has to live with the cheating husband/partner as most women have no choice.