Advice needed please.

I always feel if adults need “ reminding “ to do something, then it’s not being done out of love, but duty. 200 miles is a long way, but they could turn it into a holiday. As other posts have said, she may not recognise them anyway. It’s a difficult one, but I’ve always said to my children, never do things out of duty. You’ve got to want to do it, and that includes seeing me and their dad. It’s lovely she’s got you, you’re doing a great job.

Thanks for your understanding. I have emailed the elder brother, saying I saw their mum recently and she would love to see them and how quickly time passes, (no recriminations). I hope he can chat to his brother to make some arrangement. I said also her memory is not what it was, so be prepared. Have tried to be diplomatic. Just wanted to do the right thing.
Fingers crossed they take some notice.

I really hope so, too.
It's lovely that your sister has you to care about her.

Leaving aside the fact her sons haven't seen her in two years. How bad is your sister's dementia. Would she recognise them? If not, then it is just for them to go see their mum if they want, not for mum's benefit to appreciate the visit.

Have undertaken dementia training (recently in a job I took on after I retired) and what you learn is to go along with the 'era' the person does remember. If, for instance, the person thinks she is 20 and asks about a boyfriend from that era, then it is best to go along with them in that era instead of trying to make them believe "no, these are you sons, remember?" That confuses and distresses even more.

I can't write here adequately how it was shown to us but anyone who has done it will know what I am speaking about. It is a spiral graph...starting off as a dot....we are born! the spiral grows and grows as they grow up, get married, have children....then with dementia, they go back the way and can go back to any stage for example when they were children. They may remember siblings and parents. Insisting they were married or had children is fruitless.

Carers are told to accept the stage they are at. Obviously you can't let someone go out clubbing as if they were 18 but you talk about it to them as if they were 18. Let them reminisce and enjoy speaking about it. You don't start saying o.k. but remember, you got married to X and had X,Y,Z..... it is too upsetting. I hope this is kind of making some sort of sense?

They need to check if she is properly cared for and discuss arrangements for her future, rather than (I suspect) leaving it to you. I presume they are her next of kin

They don't need to. Being next of kin doesnt oblige anyone to do anything.

Ideally your DSis would have named someone she is closer to as her POA/first contact before she deteriorated given that she isnt close to her sons. The fact that she didnt doesnt mean that her sons need to do anything. It really comes down to whether or not they want to.

My husband has Alzheimer’s. If I died and he was left on his own and ignored by our family I’d come back and hunt them.
Your sister is very lucky to have you around her. I wish you well.

Those sons may not want to be bothered to visit their poor old mum but, as I see it and I'm old fashioned, it's surely their duty, a family responsibility. Families aren't all sweetness and light and only doing enjoyable things. The more I think about it I'd not only phone those sons but give them a verbal kick up the backside too!

We only know OP's elder sister is sick and her sons do not visit her.

How about your sister's relarionship with them in the past? Did they get along? How often were they in touch with their mother (calls, visits, etc)?
How old are the sons? Are they married with kids?

This is not cut and dry. The background may explain why they choose to stay away

Sorry, how often were they in touch with their mother before she got sick

Whilst I appreciate everything others have said - she is still their mother and she deserves at least a little respect and attention.
In my experience with my late Mum and my brothers - they never had time to visit but the minute she died they were down and 'helping' me sort everything out.
Unfortunately for them, but fortunately for me, Mum had written everything down including her Requiem Mass order of service! According to my brothers she would have wanted to 'go cheap' - I was able to prove that although she wasn't stupidly extravagant, she did want various things at her funeral - and she got it!
Families are strange things and sadly, there's a lot of unhappiness around, but we all only have one Mum.
You've done all that you can do mrsmopp so just keep them updated - the rest is up to them.

I would stay out of it. Just my opinion but if they cannot take time out to visit their own mother, what can you do? An email isn't going to make a helluva lot of difference. We were in similar situation with a relative, yet, if anything (God forbid) happens, they will appear soon enough with the tears of guilt. Quite frankly, your sister doesn't need them, she has good people like yourself.

Contact them if you like, it’s probably going to be the only way to make you feel you’ve done all you can. If they wanted to visit they would have done it before now, so don’t hold out too much hope that they will do it now, I’m sure they will have their own excuses.

No harm in you reminding them, but they shouldn't need to be reminded.
It's their mom.

Have you considered why they don’t visit?
My mother is in a home with dementia.
I am her only visitor because she was always thoroughly unpleasant, rude, judgemental and was a cruel parent.
I’m sure I am judged be the staff for not visiting frequently enough.

Sometimes we have to do things out of duty that we are not always comfortable with Kathy1959 it's necessary at times to put our own feelings aside and think of the other person.

My uncle suffers with dementia and often doesn't recognise his daughters, yet whenever he receives a visit from someone he lights up - he may not recognise them but just having someone visit gives him pleasure.

I have made those with PoA for me aware of my wishes should I develop dementia. When I can no longer take any pleasure in seeing them (I do realise that OP's sister may still do this) then they are simply to ensure that I am properly cared for - they are not to inflict on themselves the duty of visiting me, when their time and energy is better put into their own families.
Should they wish to visit, for their own peace of mind, that's fine.
I do think that OP needs to update them, which she has done; I assume she knows what her sister would have wanted.

I cannot imagine just not visiting a close family member if only to check on how they are cared for, they could be neglected, there have been lots of cases of that. What a sad reflection of society when your own mother is left for two years without a visit. If there is any property or inheritance once mother dies, the two hundred miles will soon be made. As for letting them know, there doesn't seem much point as they are much too busy.