Advice needed please.

That sounds very sensible Nansnet, as mrsmopp will feel that she's done the best she can in this situation.

Are they aware of her deterioration, and the full extent of her condition? Some families, sadly, aren't that much into keeping in touch, even with their parents. If they are already fully aware of what the situation is, and still can't be bothered to make the effort to see their mother then, unfortunately, there's not much you can do, and little point in contacting them. But, if they aren't aware of how much she is deteriorating, they may thank you for letting them know, before it's too late.

Personally, I would drop them an email and simply say that you thought you should update them on their mother's condition, as you can see she is deteriorating. Tell them you understand if they are unable to visit, but if they can, then now would be a good time whilst there's still chance that she will remember them, and you're sure it would make her happy. Just tell them that you thought they should know. Whatever they then decide is up to them.

Very sad situation.

Sadly, reminding them to visit before it is too late is not diplomatic at all.

It comes across as a guilt trip.

Do you know if they keep in touch with her on the phone, despite her not interacting?

The relationship between their children and your sister is out of tour jurisdiction.

The best you can do is continue supporting your sister.

That's what I meant too.

I didn't mean for them to phone their mother, I meant for you to phone them and persuade them it might be a good idea to visit her, mrsmopp

I hope that they do

Contact her sons and explain that their mother is deteriorating but would love to see them. Even if she is easily confused, she will probably recognise them with a little help from you. Perhaps have some family photos that they could share together, often the past is fresher in their memories than the present. I speak from experience as I had an older sister who died from dementia. At least you will have done your best to bring mother and sons together. You have my sympathy.

If they're not a close family nor.ally they wont suddenly become one just because their mother is ill.

I think it's appalling to assume there is no point in visiting someone with dementia.

How bloody sad.

It does annoy me when people don't visit family or friends because they find it upsetting. It's not about them its about the sick person feeling remembered and comforted.

I think you are right to get in touch with the sons mrsmopp

Phoning her doesn’t work, she just holds the phone and doesn’t say anything. I visit as often as I can and she is always very quiet, just sits there smiling. She does not recognize anyone in family photos. But I’m sure she would recognize her sons, but for how much longer? Monica I have no way of knowing if her death is imminent, people can go on for some time in this state. I’ve decided to email them.

I once had to do something similar. Just a telephone call to someone who should visit. I was very glad I had done it and so were the other parties.
Do it. What is there to lose?

Sadly, unless her death is imminent, I can see no point in contacting them. Distance and work is no excuse for not visiting their mother for over two years. Do they contact her by post or telephone?

I suspect that there are reasons for this lack of relationship between them that are known only to them.

I'd certainly email or phone them. If they don't come they'll be bound to feel bad 'when it's too late' and may round on you for not alerting them. Agree that email could sound rather formal, but a phone call could be tongue-tied both ends. You could just say that although she isn't in a good way you're sure she'd love to see them. Are they her official next of kin?

I wonder how far her dementia has progressed Mrsmopp?
We visited someone recently of whom we're very fond and she recognised us both immediately and was so pleased to see us, chatted away as if nothing was wrong, but a couple of weeks later told my DD that she'd love to see us as she hadn't seen us for years.

They really should make the effort but I'm not sure how you should approach it. Can you telephone them instead? Distance and pressure of work are just excuses imo.

If she doesn't respond to them, there isn't much point in them travelling to see her.
A compromise might be to set up a link via the internet. Then they can speak to her without having a wasted journey.

Would she recognise her sons now? My friend's mother didn't recognise her, which she found very upsetting.

She maintained contact with the nursing home, provided clothes and toiletries, received news and photos - but didn't visit!

Presumably your nephews are aware of her condition. Is she still able to look after herself at home? Does she talk about her sons and express a wish to see them?