to think the length of time UK friends have to wait for funeral is cruel

On reflection, my parents died over 30 years ago, and in our family nobody had moved very far away ( in fact, not many in the village did). It was also the custom to keep the body at home, and keep the curtains closed. Everyone in the street closed their curtains when the hearse was leaving. The spouse and close family would never have left the house till after the funeral, and you wouldn’t dream of having a television or radio on. I’d imagine that would be hard to sustain for a month!

Delays also be caused by the Coroner deciding if a Post Mortem is required, if so there can be a further delay whilst that takes place. We had a delay with my Mums funeral as one of two doctors required to sign the certificates was in leave!

My condolences Kimrus . That is so hard.
On Paws last day I was told that anybody who wanted to see him had to come “today”
Thankfully a sixth sense meant the DDS were all with me already and their husbands and Paws sisters came right away. As did a priest to give him the last rites and a dear friend, deacon at his church.
Somehow his brother (perhaps in denial) did not react in the same way and I have found it hard to forgive him.

I know that in Australia, the funeral is usually about a week after the person has died, sometimes even quicker.
Here in the UK it is usually at least 2 weeks.
When my mum died, it was nearer a month - the vicar was "on retreat" and then the funeral director had to coordinate the church service with the crematorium.
When my dad died, even though he hadn't wanted a church service, the local vicar still had to be approached to take the service at the crem before anyone else could be contacted and guess what? She was on holiday! So this time it was 3 weeks before the funeral could be held even though it was to be in only one venue!
There basically has to be so many people involved before anything happens - still trying to puzzle out why the vicar had to be involved if it as just to be a cremation !

A local friend passed this week, May she RIP. Her funeral is 6th January.

Kimrus sorry to hear you had this. Parts of my much wider family omit people from funeral notices sometimes. My last lovely great aunt passed in February this year, 2 miles away. Loads of us didn’t hear until April, by chance. Awful behaviour.

I wish I had the time to attend my fathers funeral on the other side of the country. I had only been told he was in the hospital on the Wednesday and had better get there fast, he wasn’t expected to live. I’m rushing around trying to organise my daughters to go with me and say their goodbyes, to awake the next morning to see on FB that he died through the night written by my niece and that he had been in hospital for 10days prior. Sisters didn’t ring me and 15 months later they still haven’t rung. The funeral was held on the Friday, none of us made it to the funeral from my side of the country. My sisters and their families will never be forgiven by myself or my daughters for this. I am the eldest of 3. It hurts very much and wish we had more time to arrange travel to be there to say our goodbyes

For my Canadian Uncle, 3 days notice, then 3 weeks later his wife. Could not attend either ? My late DH was 2 weeks due to dying on Friday night, Post Mortem on Monday, funeral directors Tuesday then join a long queue for the very busy Crematorium. My grandfather however died 14th December, cremated 17th and buried 24th. Worst Christmas ever

Just want to add that I am not saying you should be able to stop thinking about the circumstances of death, mine were fairly uncomplicated and due to illness, but I know for others the situation will be complicated by crime or anger at poor medical treatment etc

It was about 2 weeks for both my mother and my father, and I do remember that time as being particularly difficult and wishing it was shorter. I think most people probably need a week to plan, but the second week really drags and you can't really do anything else even for a brief respite as this big event is kind of hanging over you and keeping you trapped in the circumstances of the death itself. I found after the funeral at least you could stop thinking about the events surrounding the death and start remembering the person.

When I lived in Ireland they would have the funeral within a few days. Having to arrange my dad’s funeral here in the UK it took 2 weeks and during that time we were busy doing something every day to ensure everything was in place. I often wonder how on earth loved ones can come to terms with losing a loved one and having to organise a funeral in a matter of days - but they did it and their funerals were hugh out there too.

Oh dear, glammana, I am so sorry.
The same thing happened with my dear brother as the reason for his death was different to the consultant's diagnosis. It was an error on the part of the consultant in the first place who was not precise.

I am still reeling after the sudden loss of my lovely husband nearly 2 weeks ago and can now understand why things take so long,when circumstances mean you need an autopsy you have to wait for the coroners report before you can even register the death and I don't have that report as yet (maybe today) so you can only pencil in a possible date for the service which is 13th January so such a terrible sad time for us to have to wait.

Unless someone has left an exact plan of their wishes for their funeral service, it could take some time to organise and agree with family the kind of service they would have liked, whether religious, humanist or whatever.

I am left wondering why the question was asked. Not political, I hope.
It's rather a sensitive subject to make political capital out of.

In my workplace you only get compassionate leave for the funeral of immediate family: parent, partner or child.

Otherwise you have to arrange unpaid or annual leave if there is time for cover to be found. Or shift swap. 2 or 3 days wouldnt be long enough notice to take leave as all leave requires cover.

I don't think waiting a few weeks is a problem, we have family living abroad and you can't always just drop everything and fly to another country.
When my cousin died he lived at the other end of the country, my sister, his NOK, lived in Germany. His funeral took place three weeks after his death and allowed time for family to travel.

To be blunt/literal, we're not amidst an outbreak of plague, which is where some traditions of swift burials come from!

We dont need to rush. We have refrigerated morgues and lets face it, the deceased aint going anywhere!

Rushing to bury ASAP came from disease control.

We simply dont need to. We can take time to do it at our own pace

I too chose to wait nearly 4 weeks for DH's funeral, mainly due to availability of family to attend. Some had a holiday booked, so waited until after that, and DH's cousin was determined to travel from Australia. Also I wanted time to arrange everything perfectly to honour him - the music, readings, the wake. I would not have been comfortable with just a few days (I had panic attacks for the first couple of weeks), but felt a lot calmer as the days went by.

The advantage of an unaccompanied cremation (apart from low cost) is that it's only a few days before my family have my ashes. They use the unpopular early mornings to do them!

3 days would be far too soon for me! Would fell bombarded/railroaded.

Like a bit of breathing space to crumble a bit before facing the neighbours and family friends.

Not a huge funeral goer and dont plan to have one, but if I must arrange one I want more than 3 days to get it all sorted! Jez takes me that long to work through the phonecalls! (Which are draining so cant do all at once)

I'm surprised that so many people have them. Life is more informal now. Weddings and christenings are ever more optional - so funerals can be too!

I have only ever been to one, my mums. I just thought it was terrible to see the coffin disappear behind a curtain. Thats it. So sudden. I have vowed never to put anyone through that for me so no at my funeral but a gathering of people to lay my ashes to rest and say goodbye. Kids are happy with it.

I went to a Buddhist funeral a couple of years ago. It lasted 5 days with a lot eating and drinking while the monks guarded the body from evil spirits. Only a small number of the family attend the burning, as they call it, then it was back for more eating and drinking and the giving of gifts to the monks and family.

My mum died on a Saturday morning. It was expected. It was the start of half term, and it suited the several teachers in the family to have the funeral before the end of the week. It was a burial, and the grave had been dug for my dad earlier in the same year, so there was no need to delay. If we had wanted a cremation,it would not have been possible.

My husband and I have planned to have a green burial for ourselves, so it should not be necessary to delay unduly, and not many people will need to be there. In due course there will probably be a service of thanksgiving which will take time to arrange and prepare for. More people will be involved.

of course- but getting things organised and re-organised means your mind is busy- once the funeral is over, you can sort of 'let go' and begin the grieveing process proper. But we are all different.

I wonder why you have to wait until after the funeral to begin grieving?

Pamela I am sorry about your father and that his death was unexpected therefore a shock.

We had to cancel a trip when MIL died unexpectedly, but family did have to come from overseas and they had to make arrangements for childcare, work cover etc so the 2 weeks enabled them to do that.
It gave us time to decide what MIL would have wanted.

downtoearth I am so sorry to hear that and the wait must have been traumatic.
And Maw a poignant post.