to think the length of time UK friends have to wait for funeral is cruel

Those days

Two weeks is fairly normal and gives time to make arrangements.

The real scandal about funerals in the UK was in England in 1979 when Militant Tendency (Derek Hatton) was in charge in Liverpool and bodies were left for weeks during the Winter of Discontent.

I hope we never see those says again.

Derek Hatton was readmitted to the Labour Party earlier this year but suspended again fairly quickly. He still thinks his opinions are worth listening to.

This really is one of those "each to their own "situations isn' t it?

I found I had to sort everything out alone and I was given a date by the funeral director. Not much opportunity for choice.

downtoearth and MawBroon - your posts will stay with me. thank you.
I've been part of rather a lot of funerals this year. Partly my age of course, friends and loved one's who were ill for long periods, so part of the planning for their funerals. I acknowledge some don't want funerals but for me, the funeral is for the loved one's left behind. It's a way to commemorate the life of a loved one. It allows family and friends to come together and share memories, usually happy one's are found on that day.
We waited a week for mum's funeral, 10 days for dads. Some depends on the time of year, significant flu epidemics for example. The time was well used.

downtoearth, I can imagine nothing worse than your family tragedy.

After my sister's death in a road accident, we had to wait 5 months for the inquest, but at least we could have the funeral within the usual two weeks.

You and me both tanith to you and all experiencing their first or second - 20th etc Christmas without him.

I know my parents’ funerals were held less than a week after they died, but at that time we had a registrar in the village, and six permanent staff in the cemetry, who kept it in pristine condition. Now we have to make an appointment in nearby town, and there are only six gravediggers in the whole area, so a month is quite common.

It was just over 4 wks wait for DHs funeral which gave me time to deal with the initial heartbreak, put together music and pictures. Inform all those that needed to know. I definitely wouldn't be prepared in a few days.

GrandmaMoira
You made a good point there regarding just how long it takes to even register the death. When my dad died, the earliest available appointment to do that was either four or five days later. If there had been a weekend thrown in, that would have been one week gone already!

X posts downtoearth
Your grief must have been overwhelming. Probably still is.

My heart goes out to you dear lady.
These ??? are for you in your sadness.

My surrogate mum died last year and the funeral was 15 days from her death. That enabled family and friends from across the world to attend, all the arrangements to be made without rushing and panicking being added to grief and for those who wanted to, to think carefully of what they wanted to personally say at the eulogy. To have rushed it all through in 3 or 4 days would have been cruel. She'd lived for 95 years, why rush her out?

We will have to write down our wishes - maybe in the NY. Eldest daughter agrees with me ... inexpensive is good enough. However she says her younger sister would probably feel (at the funeral directors) that would seem disrespectful.

I don’t want them arguing ....
?

My daughter died in suspicious circumstances,her body had to be available for whatever information required by prosecution,she was basically a crime scene wwe where told,we couldnt lay her to rest for 11 months.
My mum was 3 weeks

I can't imagine arranging a funeral in only 3 to 4 days. My husband died on Friday so it took that long to get a registrar appointment to register the death. It was nearly 4 weeks before the funeral. Winter funerals are usually around 5 or 6 weeks or more. 2 weeks would be a good compromise. I did feel in limbo until after the funeral for both my husband and father.

I disagree lemongrove. Everyone has to take time off, arrange travel, childcare, outfits and flowers - and a lot of us find them very boring!

Maybe I'm morbid, but if I knew someone well I'm more than prepared to go and pay my respects.

A well arranged funeral gives both comfort and closure.

We can only speak personally on this subject, but I would want at least two weeks to arrange a funeral, maybe three.
I wouldn’t want to rush the arrangements and would want time to be more composed.
Jewish and Islamic funerals are always done quickly here.

I think that having no funeral lets a lot of friends and relatives 'off the hook'.

Let's face it, most people don't actually want to attend, but feel that they really must, to show respect and offer support to loved ones.

Overall, funerals are an ordeal, rather than a help. Life is 'on hold' until they're done. I've paid for the cremation and given the other five thousand to the kids (to enjoy - far better than paying some funeral director). How they have the cheek to charge so much, for so little and rip people off - at such a distressing time - astounds me!

*their mother’s

Absolutely, Urmstongran

My sister died on 24th of the month and her funeral wasn’t until 17th of the next month. That was the earliest available date. Her children found it very difficult as they felt they were in a kind of no man’s land until her bodily remains had been dealt with. It felt wrong to them to be doing anything frivolous when they’re mothers body was still at the funeral home.

They were told that the delay was normal nowadays, caused by huge demand for their services with an aging population, and also because some types of funerals get preference, especially if a post mortem is required.

For our family such a long delay was difficult but I also realise that for some, when families are scattered, or the death unexpected, more time is better. When I moved to Scotland, it used to be a standard three days but nowadays two weeks seems to be the norm. A new crematorium opened in this area and it seems very busy. You can also get married there, though I’ve yet to be invited to such a wedding!

I think what posters are saying is that it is really important to have a choice, quick if that is what suits you and your family or a period of reflection before the service if that is what is needed.

Sorry Phoebes that might have come over as a criticism.
It isn’t.

I couldn’t just ‘get on with my life’ anyway. I was too raw.