to think the length of time UK friends have to wait for funeral is cruel

When my Mum died, I hated the waiting between her death and her funeral as I felt as if I was in Limbo and couldn’t get on with my life.
On the other hand, when my Greek Mother-in-law died, her funeral took place so quickly that it was impossible for us to go as you can’t just drop everything and leave.
A happy medium old be good.

Jewish funerals are usually the next day after death. I'm not having a funeral at all, just an 'unaccompanied' pre-paid cremation. My family can then scatter my ashes.

In N Ireland 3-4 days is the norm unless death has occurred in suspicious circumstances.

Posts crossed Maw- as said, the experiences friends have had recently, which really upset them.

Daisymay ''We had to wait nearly 3 weeks for a cremation for both parents. It was awful but we were told that it was because it was winter.''

yes, this is why I posted as friends recently have complained about how awful 3 + weeks was. So I am glad to see that the wait doesn't seem to be upsetting for many on GN, and that in many cases it was a choice.. As said, nothing wrong if it is a choice and not imposed by lack of facilities.

POGS, this post is defnitely not UK v Switzerland, at all. Bleubelle, the size of the country or population is irrelevant- facilities, be they schools, hospitals or crematoriums- should be in keeping to allow for a good service.

“I too am” etc

I toam wondering what lies behind your choice of topic for a thread Jura ?

jura2 Thu 19-Dec-19 14:47:15

"The shortage of facilities is responsible and should be remedied. GG13, of course if it is a choice, then it is different."
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You have started a thread about the UK v Switzerland but what is your evidence that there is a shortage of facilities which in turn ' is responsible' for a funeral to take place?

"Islamic funerals are held 24 hours after death."
As with Jewish funerals, inkcog.
There's a belief that the soul of the deceased is hovering in limbo before being laid to rest and going peacefully to the next world.
With all the necessary prayers etc.

Switzerland 8 million
U.K. nearly 67 million Could make a difference !!!
I don’t think it’s cruel at all the average time is two weeks and that gives people time to make travel/work arrangements and make all the necessary bookings the two weeks for both my Mum and Dad gave me time to get over the huge shock and make all the necessary arrangements

2 week wait for my Dad's funeral and my MIL. Awful, awful time.

Islamic funerals are held 24 hours after death.

My husband`s cremation was 13 days after he died. At first, we thought it was too long, then realised that it allowed us more time to contact people, and to decide on and make arrangements for music, order of service, flowers, etc.

I think in hot countries funerals are scheduled quickly. Suppose it goes back to lack of refrigeration historically? In Spain it’s quite usual to only be a couple of days. Jewish people (I think) have the funeral more or less straight away?

Mum died in March last year. My sister and I organised her funeral within 2 weeks. No post mortem, no long distance relatives. The funeral director is a family friend and was very supportive and professional. It was a humanist service and it was very comforting and personal about mum.
❤️

We had to wait nearly 3 weeks for a cremation for both parents. It was awful but we were told that it was because it was winter.

My dad died. I was on holiday in Aus when I heard the news of his death.
Very unexpected, a huge shock.

I started grieving immediately. Why wait?

Within hours I had a flight booked, the funeral was within the week. My sisters were with mum before the cremation, I was there, but only just.
Of course with hindsight it should have been scheduled for a little later but we were all new to arrangements for death.

If there has been a reason for a hold up then it is understandable that a funeral may have to wait. I feel that a couple of weeks is perfectly acceptable.

Maybe it correlates to the size of our population, I believe Switzerland has less than 10 million people?

We have attended a couple of funerals in the past two years where there was probably at least a 3 week time lapse between the date of death and funeral. I do think funerals at crematoriums have a conveyor belt feel to them. My deceased family members being catholic have tended to have a full requiem mass, not everyone's cup of tea, but at least there isn't that hurried feel about it. Someone we know was giving a eulogy at a crematorium service and he was told to hurry it along by the person who officiates

We were perfectly happy to delay our mother's funeral for a month so that our brother could make it. It simply wasn't a problem in any form.

Three or four days would not have been long enough to inform everyone and for them to make their arrangements to get leave of absence from work and so forth.

Funerals in the UK generally take place about 2 weeks after the death. If it was shortage of facilities, then that time would be increasing and increasing, but it isn't, as a I said in my previous post, at busy times, like a bad winter, the time may be longer , but then it adjusts back to 2 weeks.

The length of time we wait in the UK, is not cruel, it is what most people want, and it is our custom. Just different from Switzerland, we are allowed national variation, despite 50 years in the EU!

I am another who doesn’t think 2 weeks is too long. I was really upset that a very close friend abroad was cremated within 3 days. It was the custom so accepted that but it meant that a lot of friends and relatives who would like to have shown their respects for a wonderful man simply could not manage to arrange it!

When my mum died this year it took me at least a week to accept that I needed to organize a funeral (she was specific about her requirements). Could have done with a month!

No don’t think there is a problem unless the relatives specifically want it earlier.

Third or fourth day?
No way!
I was absolutely not ready for Paw’s funeral, 3 or 4 days after he died!
And grieving in my experience does not “take place” after a funeral. It starts, often before a death and as far as I am concerned, 2 years later, is still going on.
I needed time to recover from the trauma of the final days and weeks, time to be with my children, time to choose what I felt was the perfect music for his requiem mass, time to contact friends, time to choose photographs for two big display boards for the wake, time to choose a venue for that wake, time to choose some lovely winter flowers to place on the coffin - to echo the flowers DD2 had had for her wedding 3 years previously also in December and, well, just time.
I chose to have the funeral just under 4 weeks after he died - my choice.
I appreciate that at peak times of year it can take perhaps two to three weeks to arrange a cremation, but as I said, a small country churchyard and a requiem mass were up to us to arrange.

My husband's death was expected so it was just 3 days between his passing and the funeral. I conducted the service myself which might have expedited things.
What made you think we have to wait a long time in the UK?

Sorry about typos/spelling above. I have dodgy fingers (no feeling in the tips), a dodgy elderly keyboard and while I can spell, my fingers frequently can't and my proof reading skills are minimal.

I would hate a rushed funeral (three or four days).There is so much happens between a death a funeral.

First there s the shock of the death, if it has been sudden, if long and lingering and almost longed for, there is that feeling of exhaustion, grief, relief that someone is no longer in pain. Then everyone has to be informed. This alopneacan take three or more days. In some families, family coming home for a funeral may need to fly or travel long distances and will need to book, transport, possibly hotels.

Then there is the organisation of the funeral,speaking to the undertaker, considering all the options, liaising with church and/or crematorium, booking a hotel or similar for the wake, or organising it at home.

Funeral in three or four days, horrendous. 10 days - fortnight gives you time to do the above carefully and calmly, while giving those most closely berieved to get used to the idea that the person is dead.

More than that, that does sometimes happen in bad winters is difficult.

If a post mortem is required, it can take a while. My friend’s husband’s funeral took place exactly one month after he died.

Didn't think we had to wait long at all.

There's no real rush

Relatives and friends have to be informed. Many have to organise travel, work absence etc

My Mum died last year.

Her funeral was a burial and was 8 days after death.

No time at all.

I've never heard anyone complain about waiting times of funerals before.

Of course if there needs to be an inquest due to certain circumstances, then yes, there could be a wait

But not for the majority