to think the length of time UK friends have to wait for funeral is cruel

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Not like this you won’t Mike.
????

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10 days for my husbands friends funeral and it could have been sooner .When my parents died we stuck with the 3 day schedule that family had always kept to.Its NOT a party so there didn't need to be huge guest lists .A service and a restuarant to book for the usual soup and steak pie that we do here .An approximate number for the meal and they charge for who turns up.I did work with someone who thought her family all needed to have hair appointments before her dads funeral,I thought that was quite odd.Beswitched we tend to do it the irish way too a long wait wouldn't work for us

My neighbour's husband passed away on the 5th of this month....funeral was yesterday ...basically 2 weeks.

Here in Ireland the funeral is usually 2 to 3 days after the death. If a close family member has to travel from abroad it might be delayed for a couple of days.

My father died on a Wed night and there was some talk of an autopsy and my mother was distraught that we might have to wait beyond the weekend to have the funeral. We would see that here as prolonging the agony.

Coroners courts etc also hold up funerals for weeks/months in countries that usually bury within 3 days too though.

Thats not a UK thing so presumably not what the OP is talking about

My BiL died and due to a post mortem having to be carried out for an inquest (O/D), it was 11 weeks before we could have his funeral. It was an incredibly stressful time, I spent the entire time in tears.
My sister died and I couldn't get an appointment to even REGISTER her death for 30 days afterwards. Only then could I organise her funeral which was a further 4 weeks.
Both funerals had unacceptable delays due to officialdom and bureaucracy.

I'm not aware of any unwanted wait before a funeral. Our nieghbour died recently and his funeral was held 9 days later. He'd stipulated that it was to be for family only and to have a cheap coffin. His poor wife was embarrassed as lots of people wanted to attend but their sons insisted that their father's wishes be adhered to.
I don't want to make anything at all awkward for my family when I go. They can do what seems best for them at the time. I always think that funerals are really for those left behind. The dear departed have, well, departed!

My son died (suicide) on December 12th 2008, the funeral took place on December 29th.

I had no say in the planning, was all done by ex husband and his then partner.

I've just come back after visiting my next door neighbour. I put a Christmas card through her door (addressed to her and husband) over the weekend. Got one back from her this morning saying that her husband died on 3rd of November ( I had no idea). Apparently, his funeral has been booked for 24th January! So about 10 weeks after his death, as there has been a problem with his death certificate ( I had this too, when my husband died 8 years ago, but his funeral took place on time).

What a long time to wait! Poor lady is not in the best of health herself (both nearly 90), and feels in limbo at the moment.

I agree that most UK funerals seem to take place within about two weeks, which gives time for all the arrangements to be made, but a 10 week wait is (in my opinion) very unsatisfactory.

Two weeks for my Dad's funeral, at the time I felt it was a rush to let everyone know at a time when you are grieving, but then after I had done all the necessary things, it seemed a long time until 'the day'. We don't have a choice really, it depends on the availability of everone involved.

jura2 Fri 20-Dec-19 18:58:17
POGS I responded to you yesterday at 17.59.03
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Sorry but I could not see an answer in that post to my question as to why you stated " the UK ' is cruel' and a shortage of facilities is ' responsible'.

Was it the account of just ' one' of your friends that led you to ask the question in such a format?

I thought you had some factual evidence to support your point re a shortage of facilities being ' responsible' and led to such cruelty in the UK.

I hope you have had your concern allayed and you are happy know there is no cruelty here in the UK, at least I see no evidence of it.

Calandergirl, you are right,It is so difficult to keep a grave in a churchyard looking nice.
If you live near and are prepared to tend it then no problem but the family/friends are responsible for the grave. Not the church.
I think a lot of people are unaware of this. Flowers that have been lovingly placed can look pretty awful a few weeks down the line.
I’m going to the carol service tonight and am sure that Christmas wreaths will be in evidence, unfortunately some graves will still have last years on them.

It was the anniversary of my fathers death yesterday..but we only had the option to arrange for his cremation in 2nd week of January. Not only is this n obviously busy period but new laws have reduced the amount of cremations that can be held in a day for environmental impacts. Not easy to have to endure the Christmas period with this hanging over us but to be honest it felt like the right time for reflection in the end.

Not wishing to be disrespectful but has anyone read the books about Stephanie Plum by Janet Ivanovich?
Her Grandma's favourite hobby was visiting the funeral parlour, along with her other friends. They are the social hub of the neighbourhood.

Funerals, like any spot to commemorate the loved one, are for those left behind. I wouldn't want to constrain my adult children in the way they mark my death.
BlueBelle - I was at the funeral of a much loved Irish friend recently. I know you didn't mean to cause offence but your comments were less than sensitive. My friend had lived in England for 40 years but his funeral was attended by a huge group of relatives and friends from his village in Ireland. Alongside our service, a Mass was taking place in that village for people who couldn't attend. Rather than saying 'the Irish love their funerals" I'd say that faith is a big part of the commitment to funerals.
No offence meant BlueBelle and I hope none taken.

Well at the end of the day we ll know nothing, so immaterial
There’s so much in the world to get uptight about that a one week two week or three week funeral has no place in my head at all
No I don’t think U.K. is cruel in its traditions, in hot countries I can understand why it’s pretty quick In Ireland they re embalmed because they leave the coffin open I m not too keen on that one prefer my memories People took photos of my son in law lying in his coffin that seemed very unusual to me but each to his own it’s what you grow up with The Irish love their funerals (no disrespect to any Irish on here) but you only have to have met Patrick once to be up there at the funeral ?

My Mother died on the Wednesday morning and was cremated on the Friday afternoon and to be honest it was too quick. A very close friends Husband died suddenly and it took 3 weeks to cremate him, that really was too long.

Back in 1972, my father died suddenly on a Sunday, the church service in our little village church was the Wednesday, three days later, followed by cremation after.
Nowadays there is often a wait for the crematorium, about three weeks seems the norm, but of course it could be choice that the bereaved make to allow for folk to make plans.
Burials are probably ok if in a municipal cemetery that is cared for, grass cut regularly etc. My maternal family are in a lovely quiet little village churchyard, but am very aware when I have died, no one will come and put the occasional flowers on, or tidy it up. Their graves will end up like so many others, overgrown, untended, illegible headstones, forgotten, unloved.

I dont want to be buried. And a grave is a burden. I dont want my family to feel guilty if weeds are growing on me, I like weeds anyway.

I just dont see the point in a coffin for direct disposal, who is going to see it?

I think the funerals of almost everyone in the older generation of my family– and, indeed, in my own generation – have taken place within a week of their deaths. It was a bit of a struggle to sort out dates when my father-in-law and my mother died on the same day but several hundred miles apart from each other. Even so, I am pretty sure that both his cremation and her funeral were within 10 days of their dying. Similarly, when a beloved cousin died in Christmas week, her funeral took place on Christmas Eve.

notanan2, my direct cremation includes a plain pine coffin. I don't see that burning some wood is environmentally unfriendly, it just releases the co2 the tree took up. It's the energy use for cremations and the mercury pollution (from dental fillings) that are of more concern.

Burial is considered better for the environment (providing there's no embalming - always optional and unnecessary anyway). It costs a lot more, though!

www.theguardian.com/environment/2005/oct/18/ethicalmoney.climatechange

My Dad died 22nd of Dec & we were offered New Years Eve or have to wait another 4 weeks as it was a busy time of year. Needless to say Christmas was ruined & every New Years Eve is a sad reminder even 28 yrs later.?

Re cremation, like anything it depends on how particular you are. If you want a full service or particular time of day etc you'll have a longer wait that someone willing to slot into the next available with minimum "wrap around"

There is no enforced delay.
If you dont have coroner issues etc you can do it quickly if you want. Or not if you have a lot of "must haves"