Gransnet forums


Am I being conspiratorial?

(12 Posts)
Stansgran Sun 22-Dec-19 17:43:40

I do not have an android phone. My daughters and their families use whatsapp to communicate but rarely do. Dd1 said she didn't want to celebrate her birthday at the beginning of this month. Dgd 16 occasionally responds to email so I asked her to buy flowers and chocs for her mum from us if she had decided to celebrate in the end. If not to keep the money and buy something nice for everyone at Christmas .
I have sent another email asking dgd if they are home or away so that I could have a hamper delivered and what date would be suitable.
Then I read an article by Salley Vickers in The Sunday Times about the value of grandparents but ended the article by saying they should not be conspiratorial. Had an oh heck moment. Should add dd1 rarely speaks to us. I think she is a classic Mumsnet low contact. Advice please.

Hetty58 Sun 22-Dec-19 18:09:18

Maybe you're overthinking things. Perhaps a sister could be go-between communicator, though, rather than her daughter.

Yehbutnobut Sun 22-Dec-19 18:24:54

Don’t believe anything you read in papers.

love0c Sun 22-Dec-19 18:30:39

Stansgran I just wonder why people ( families) so often do not make time for each other. In fact so many people in general do not make time for people whether they know them or not. Maybe just the time of the year making me feel so sensitive and emotional about this.

BradfordLass72 Sun 22-Dec-19 18:32:22

My two-penn'orth, for what it's worth is that you should continue to be your kind and thoughtful self, irresepective of how other people view your generosity.
You are not forcing dd1 to accept your gift, just sending it and you asked first. flowers

When all's said and done, this is pretty much all you can do to show your love for a low-contact family member, isn't it?

If I actually knew where my NC son was, I may be doing the same - and for the same reason.

Stansgran Sun 22-Dec-19 18:48:29

@Hetty68 dd2 doesn't want to be a go between. I now no longer mention dd1 to dd2.

Tedber Sun 22-Dec-19 19:18:30

I don't know about 'conspiritatol' but sure sounds odd.

Perhaps you know why your daughter doesn't speak to you? Maybe not. But either way if you want to send your daughter a gift, then just send it. No real need to involve anyone else is there?

Confusing asking you GD to buy something IF her mum 'wants' to celebrate her birthday and if not, to use it somewhere else? Does it really matter if anyone WANTS to celebrate a birthday? It is their birthday whether they choose to 'celebrate' or not! I would just send it, with love, for their birthday. (how they receive it is up to them)

Similarly...if you want to, just 'send' a hamper - surely someone will be in at some point?

I hope you resolve your family problems. Can't add any more because no idea how it has come to this.

Urmstongran Sun 22-Dec-19 19:31:01

I’m with you on this Tedber

endlessstrife Sun 22-Dec-19 20:00:11

That doesn’t sound like ‘conspiratorial’. This would be more like you’ve conspired to deliberately cause conflicts between people. If your daughter rarely speaks to you, then why is this? I know you don’t talk about dd1 with dd2, but do they get on? Would you say you set out to cause this conflict? If no, then you’re not conspiratorial.

Naty Sun 22-Dec-19 20:11:28

I wouldn't use the teenager to get information or help. Just send the gift and that's that. Why is your daughter not speaking to you?

Hetty58 Sun 22-Dec-19 20:30:20

It's just very sad all round. The presents seem a trivial concern compared to the rift/s.

annsixty Sun 22-Dec-19 20:36:04

Stansgran you have mentioned this situation in your family before.
It seems nothing has changed over time.
Just accept , like I have, that you have done your best, or what you perceived as your best at the time.
Get on with things as they are, they may change, they may not.
We can’t influence others behaviour.