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AIBU

Daughter and granddaughter

(16 Posts)
Barb22 Tue 07-Jan-20 18:33:13

Just wondering does anyone else end up in the middle of arguing daughter and granddaughter. I love both of them but they are very alike and both sound off to me about the other one.
I try my hardest to stay neutral but it’s very difficult sometimes!

M0nica Tue 07-Jan-20 19:08:05

Just listen, make soothing non-committal noises and at an opportune moment gradually change the subject.

Not quite your situation, but DD lives alone and when anything goes wrong in her life and she is really het up, she rings me and harangues me for ages about the many failings of utility companes, Hermes, her employer etc etc. I have perfected the above technique and it works a treat.

sodapop Tue 07-Jan-20 20:42:49

Yes me too MOnica its amazing how many inflections I can use in one conversation.

Barb22 Wed 08-Jan-20 09:12:25

Thanks both last night had them both texting me at the same time!

Madgran77 Wed 08-Jan-20 09:33:28

"I think you need to discuss it with your mum/ daughter not me if you want a solution!" ...depending on which one you are speaking to ofcourse! They need to sort themselves out to be honest AND understanding with each other, they would be happier and I am sure you would be too! flowers

Septimia Wed 08-Jan-20 09:39:06

An elderly gentleman - actually our street sweeper - once said to me (I was complaining about my mum, of course) that it takes two to make an argument. Best advice I ever had and, obviously, have never forgotten it. Maybe you might pass it on to your daughter and granddaughter!

endlessstrife Wed 08-Jan-20 09:52:23

Did you argue with your daughter in the same way? Sounds very normal, but you shouldn’t be caught in the crossfire. You’ve served your time! Just say you understand they’re not always going to see eye to eye, but not in front of you please! 🤔

Summerstorm Wed 08-Jan-20 11:21:35

Maybe try saying calmly “l think I’m going to take a trip to Switzerland”

Coconut Wed 08-Jan-20 11:28:18

In many situations this is “normal”, I always got on great with my Nan, yet my mum and I are still fractious to this very day, aged 67 and 90. My 2 x GD always come to me with their problems as their mum works long hours. We can become good listeners, good mediators and display lots of empathy without taking sides.

whywhywhy Wed 08-Jan-20 11:30:10

Just listen and try not to ever take sides.

jaylucy Wed 08-Jan-20 11:36:35

Sometimes you also have to put a stop to being piggy in the middle by saying that you love them both, but please don't expect you to take sides, cos it ain't gonna happen (even if you do agree with one more than the other).

jaylucy Wed 08-Jan-20 11:38:06

One of my mum's favourite sayings, when us kids argued was "I'll bang your heads together if you don't stop arguing" The threat usually worked!

Magicmaggie Wed 08-Jan-20 12:23:01

MOnica
I perfectly understand your DD’s frustration’s with her
employees Hermes.
We’ve had problems with them over the last month, through their total incompetence and it’s still ongoing😩

Hithere Wed 08-Jan-20 12:46:49

What is the purpose of them contacting you? Vent? Want a referee? Want a solution?

Bottom line you cannot do anything as it is a mother - daughter relationship.

What do you want to do in this scenario? What is best for you?

lavenderzen Wed 08-Jan-20 13:03:18

Barb22 can fully understand where you are coming from, my DD1 and DGD1 do the same. I adopt the same way of dealing with this as M0nica, I make all the necessary "noises" but don't take sides - easier said than done I know.

janzicb1 Wed 08-Jan-20 20:53:05

No one has the right to comment on other people’s bodies. Just shut her down immediately by saying -my weight is none of your business so stop making snide comments! I don’t make marks about you looking as though you’re in Belsen do I ??!