Feeling hurt over unappreciated gift

I send my wish list to my kids...who are the only ones who buy me presents. They get to choose pressie from list. If I don’t send it , they know to get me book or Amazon/Audible tokens . They know I’m avid reader and also listen to books as well. I ask them for a list as well...also get them something they haven’t asked for ...jumpers...jammies bottoms.... socks...always acceptable and in case of son/son in law always appreciated.Daughter more picky so I stick to list or another book token...she’s also great reader. Ask ask ask...it’s the only way.

No it’s being respectful to the giver, the giver has tried to give something that they hope will be liked or useful or both so saying thank you is acknowledging the effort of the giver if not the actual item.

"Should he have fawned over it and lied? Then kept something he didn’t want, possibly for years, to please her?"

In another thread with this same issue, plenty of posters thought being polite as saying how much they loved it, thanking the giver multiple times and keeping it in order not to hurt the giver's feelings

That is the definition of dishonesty /lying for me.

My mantra is ...don’t buy anything for your children or partners unsolicited ( except flowers) I wasted money initially and now always ask and I must have a list from them, or it’s a voucher.
One of my daughter’s MIL bought her a hideous but expensive handbag, and my Daughter tried to give it to me.
I learned the hard way.
One of my DIls gave me a bag of vitamins in December for the over 50’s, (that she received free at work) I smiled, what I hoped was a grateful smile as they were unwanted and unsolicited. They are going to go in the bin, as I don’t want them.
Don’t waste money !

Next year, just ask what they want. But I wouldn't bother doing anything about it now. He's not a spoiled child. He just didn't like the gift and that's okay. Return it and keep the cash. Next year, you'll have a better gift. Or just say "we're not exchanging gifts anymore. We've all got so much!" And give to charity instead.

i can see it ,that you have bought his gambling out in public .maybe he's a bit peed off that you done this .why buy something so expensive anyway ,how about a ludo board with a gift card.? maybe its something he did not want. how would you react if it was you ..?

This year my DH and SIL were both genuinely delighted with books I had bought at charity shops.

We have resorted to giving money,but then it throws up the how much to give debate.
Cinema tickets can be a good compromise.
But please try not to feel upset about it all , you are not the one with bad manners & a bad attitude, best wishes

pS Willa is one of many many victims of a silly tradition that has got out of hand.

We made the decision years ago, to not buy any gifts for adults, even our adult children. We also do not want them given to us. Opening presents always made me anxious, because nine times out of ten, I didn’t like or want them. The last gift we gave an adult, was at Christmas, around the early eighties. It was to my late MIL, who didn’t say anything herself, but my sister in law said it wasn’t personal enough! The next year she got deodorant! Then we stopped. We have on occasion, surprised, mainly our children, or each other, ( husband), with something out of the blue. Usually it’s been helping them out with something, but Christmas and birthdays........no, only the children.

Gifts should be throw -away inexpensive small tokens of affection or regard preferably made by the donor. Jokey ones are good if you can do it. This is what I decided on my on behalf and after talking it over with a son.I will be making all my own next Xmas if I am still able and alive. or maybe a tin of soup or something silly.

Real valuable gifts are stuff they obviously require such as new school blazers for the kids depending on what you can afford or want to give and how much they need it.

A man insensitive to the feelings of others? Surely not!

Well what do you buy the man who has everything? Nothing. He could have at least shown some interest in the present after you took the time and effort to buy it for him. Personally I don't make guesses for my daughter and her husband, I ask each of them separately to give me an idea of what the other would like and choose a gift from their suggestions. It means they get what they want and I can select a gift to buy.

I agree with Summerlove. We all get gifts are don't want. He did thank you. So just forget it.

For those who are so disgusted he was so rude, could you please explain how he was rude?

He said thank you, he didn’t say anything negative, and in fact it was his wife who said he didn’t like it, only after she was asked!
OP took it upon herself to return the gift, and now doesn’t want to replace it because her feelings were hurt.

Should he have fawned over it and lied? Then kept something he didn’t want, possibly for years, to please her?

Im at a stage now where I ask if there is anything in particular my adult children want..I buy a couple of silly bits and if they dont like or use them so what? Gifting money is always an option but I much prefer sharing my time with them.
A walk through woodland, a meal out, babysitting or cinema trip have far more value to them than they may even realize yet...

I always ask what is wanted and always try and get a gift receipt in case it's not the right thing. No problems with that. Children and grandchildren know I have made an effort and they always ask if I would mind it they changed it. It's so difficult, especially if you are spending a lot of money, to get things right. My advice? Always check first.

I once bought my daughter in law a lovely expensive jewellery box for Christmas as she always just left her jewellery all over the house.
She opened the wrapping, looked at the box, and immediately handed it back saying, "Thank you, but I am sorry I just don't like it." I kept it and only give her garden vouchers now. She is known for being outspoken. Best not to worry about gifts, give vouchers instead.

I always (genuinely) appreciate every gift I get and always make use of it! I also try to buy with care so can understand your upset Willa.

I found similar with one son in law who has everything and another who only likes a certain designer!

I gave up! Then suggested having a secret Santa which isn’t actually so secret! As orders are put in! This year I decided to donate to charity! Nobody noticed or certainly didn’t mind and it made me feel good too!

I am going to continue this as would rather give to good causes than give to people who don’t really need it.

Mixed feelings amongst friends. Some saying it’s not the spirit of Christmas but to me it is EXACTLY the spirit of Christmas !

On this thread and others with a similar subject it is all about the giver of the gift and how they feel, the recipient did not ask for any gift let alone something specific that they did not want or need.

Would you rather they enthused over it then hid it in a cupboard whilst you buy things in a similar vein for future birthdays and Christmas.

In this case it wasnt even the son in law that said he didnt like it, it was the daughter.

If I get gifts that I don’t want, I thank the giver sincerely and then, a couple of months later, donate it to a charity or give to a group for a raffle prize.
I would NEVER be rude enough to dismiss it out of hand.

this is why presents are such an important feature of xmas - and why it is all so stressful.
But when we get it right it is blissful.
It was never easy. But you have to take it on the chin. Gift cards are for sissies. The worst bit is his lack of grace.
My daughter (known for her high / minimal taste) is still still reeling from the revolving globe whisky decanter she received from her brother and SIL last year. Do they care? No

I usually ask my daughter what present they would like if it is joint or what sil would like if it is separate. That way you know he/ they get what they want. This after all is what you were trying to do but sadly got it wrong although you put a lot of effort in and just wanted to please.
My in laws were like that. No matter how much thought I put into it what I choose was never right. They never said as such but wouldn't use the gift or at least not for the purpose for which it was intended. A leather ice bucket with lid became a sewing box, a beautiful natural coloured sheepskin rug we spent hours choosing was dyed black! Beautiful gifts fil gave mil were sent back and exchanged for something else. Very hurtful. In the end I stopped agonising and just bought anything I considered to be suitable without spending hours choosing. Sometimes we got it right, sometimes not.
Please don't beat yourself up over this. Once we have given it is up to the recipient what they do and this obviously wasn't to sil tastes. Next time I would definitely ask dil first. Maybe you could do a gift card and some other little token present you think he might like such a certain type of chocolates or what have you.

My ex husband bought my DD a pale lavender Ralph Lauren Zip up fleece 2 sizes too small as he hasn't actually seen her since Christmas Eve 2017 - useless and it was worth £125 when bought. What she could have done with (and apparently did ask for) was a contribution to the clutch in her car ..... it is now on Facebook with no takers for below the sale price, so expect will end up in the wardrobe with last years unsuitable £100 one from FCUK .... ridiculous!

I personally don' like Gift Cards as there is no thought taken in getting one - and what is the point in me giving a card for one shop and them giving me a card for a different shop? Just a waste of time and money in my humble opinion ... have a friend who has a millionaire sister, who gives my friends kids £50, and my friend gives her niece and nephew £60 - why?

Next time buy a Crisis at Christmas place on his behalf. That way someone in need benefits.