Feeling hurt over unappreciated gift

Call me a cynic but NO ONE goes to casinos and USUSALLY wins! Don't believe this story!
A gambler wouldn't be interested in playing roulette at home because the whole thrill is risking and winning significant money. Gifts can be sold for cash which can be used for gambling, so unless he provides evidence if what he has purchased I wouldn't trust this explanation. It is a serious business and not a game! To me this story sets off all my alarm bells! Without raising your daughter's suspicions start some checks. Do they have any joint accounts, is she paying more than her share of the bills, is he contributing properly to the household and being completely open about his finances? If your daughter loves this man she will know if he has a gambling problem but will be in denial, so tread carefully but try to ensure her assets are separate from his, and that he cannot access any of her money.

You gave a gift after a lot of consideration of what to buy. Unfortunately it didn't hit the mark. As you have been able to obtain a refund you should give a voucher. Next time I wouldn't give anything as he obviously has everything. Adults and Christmas gifts are no longer the norm.

I always ask their nearest and dearest for suggestions. I always used to look at vouchers as a cop out but not anymore. This year I asked DS what to get for DiL and he said vouchers from a particular store. He was telling everyone the same as she wanted a rather expensive coat and was able to combine the voucher values to get it.

Why vouchers?? Why not cash?? To be compelled to buy things in a particular shop irks me

It seems rather a trivial matter to make such a fuss over. You have said you will return the unwanted gift and give him a gift voucher , so do so.
Would you rather he thanked you effusively, then stowed the unwanted wheel away at the bottom of the wardrobe, and nobody had any pleasure from your giving?

We as a family have been through all the above. Moved on to a secret Santa whereby all adults in the family drew a name and a limit of £30 a head was put on gift (you could also put a request / wishlist into the draw with your name).
I wasn’t a fan this year but actually it’s a much better option for families with adults who really don’t need anything but people really do want to buy for.

I would buy him a gift card and give it to him. It's unreasonable to expect more than a polite thank you for a gift he didn't really want. In future perhaps you can ask for ideas of what he would like?

This has happened to me so many times, and I have been so upset It may be difficult but try not to take it personally. I think sometimes we spend too much emotional effort on trying to select the "right" gift...However what we think is right is not always right for them. I agree he was rood and ungrateful and should have returned the gift himself.

....now I always get a gift receipt and make sure that the gift can be returned. xx

I think he is ungracious but you did offer to return it and give him the gift cards .
So that is what you need to do ,otherwise it seems to me that you are risking ill feelings in the long run .Why risk it?
On the plus side it will make buying presents for him easier in the future just get gift cards

Give him a goat in Africa. It won't matter if he likes it or not.

You say he is a great SIL! You tried to buy a thoughtful gift but got it wrong! Hey ho!
Is this really worth causing a problem over? I suggest getting him a gift card with the money, give it to him and from now on buy him a gift card every year to avoid any future problems!

Some years ago I bought my now ex son in law a birthday present that I took a lot of thought over, he opened it, thanked me very politely, then handed it back and said it wasn’t to his taste and he didn’t want to take what he wouldn’t use.
I was mortified, I really was, I took it as a real slap in the face so the following birthday he got a charity gift of some trees in a third world country

Why would you get somebody who has everything something they don't want and then go into passive aggressive hurt mode?

What connection does any of that have to do with celebrating the birth of Christ?

It must have been upsetting to see your carefully chosen gift rejected Willa45 but in the grand scheme of things its just a blip. Your son in law sounds like a good man with this one flaw. I would get him a token with the refund and forget about it. In future it will be easier not having to hunt for gifts for him just a voucher.

I just put £50 each for my children and grand children in cards, handed them out before Christmas, went to India for three weeks and had a fantastic time. No shopping, no cooking but lots of sun.

Unwanted gifts have been discussed before. To me, cash is best, people can buy what they want. And why this obsession with gift vouchers, do they somehow seem less mercenary than plain money? You still see exactly what people want to spend on you.
I’ve posted on previous threads that especially for adults, why not simply stop exchanging cash with each other, spend the money saved on yourself, and cut out all the angst and upset.

Even if you do like board games I think buying a roulette wheel is rather an odd choice of gift, not something I would be happy with.
Stick to gift cards or money in future and then you won't be disappointed with the recipient's reaction.
Adults don't get gifts in our family.

It’s a bit of a charade buying presents for adults who have got everything they want. Just agree no presents for adults (or a secret Santa if there’s a lot of you so you only buy one present). I agree it’s upsetting if a thoughtful present is rejected but don’t take it to heart. We’ve all been there.

Some years ago we made a family decision to not give Christmas gifts to adults. We all have everything we want or need so it's a waste of money and resources. Just as much love and caring all around but less stuff.

Now the grandchildren are growing up we give them money so they can buy what they want or save up for something big. The kids all have their own bank accounts and learn to manage money, habits of saving and working towards a goal. We find gift cards are generally more trouble than they are worth.

Everybody is happy, no unwanted gifts, no ill feelings, less wastage and reduced landfill.

If you really feel you must give something why not a bottle of good wine, some special chocolates or some other treat you know the person would enjoy.

Even though I’ve said I’d buy him a gift card, and I would if that’s what I’d been instructed asked to do, I’m not a fan of them. Firstly, because you’ve to remember to use the things before a certain date (and remember what that date is), and secondly because if the company you bought them for goes bust, that’s the money wasted. I’d normally give cash instead.

Also, a friend kindly bought me theatre vouchers, which I’ve still got two years later because they can only be used at a box office and I always book online. Fortunately they don’t have an expiry date.

My daughter used to moan if people asked for a gift card, but they want to replace their bathroom so this year they've asked for B&Q vouchers...
My adult children know perfectly well just to buy me gin ?

My mum bought my DH a number of years ago a Charlotte Church CD for Christmas. It came through the post. My DH is not keen on CC. I thanked mum over the phone for his present and said that was lovely or some other platitude. We managed to swop said CD for a classical music CD which DH wanted. Of course my mum then asked me a few weeks later if DH was enjoying the CD so I confessed and said he decided he would prefer something else. Well I didn't hear the end of it for quite a while!!My mum thought he was hugely ungrateful. After that any exchanged presents were never mentioned. I just fibbed!

Give him a gift card with the money you got back and forget all about it

willa45, I can empathise with you. Last Christmas, I bought my 10 year old grandson a Star Wars toy that I thought he`d love, seeing as he`s mad on Star Wars. A few months ago my daughter spotted it for sale on my DIL`s Facebook page, as "unopened, unwanted, present", along with a few other items bought my the family for him. So this year, as he`s now 11, I gave him a gift voucher instead, and he looked up at his dad, seeming disappointed, and said "What can I buy with this?"

Notanan2,

Good post too