To not want my cousin's child at party

Can I just say as someone who brought up three kids on her own after a divorce (hate the term single mum -it takes two!) I never expected to get special treatment because I was on my own. Thankfully I had loads of supportive friends. Pleased everything is sorted for you have a lovely party!

Sorry eazybee It was my aunt who asked if her daughter, my cousin, could bring her child. I accidentally typed cousin in my op.

Anyhow, another aunt has offered one of her grown up granddaughters (with the granddaughter's consent) as a babysitter for a few hours so problem solved

When we got married we said no children because one of DH's cousins had particularly obstreperous children. Come the day guess who turned up with her children? "I knew you wouldn't mind mine coming! " Didn't have time to do anything about it so we were stuck with them.

If the cousin (niece)'s daughter is available to attend the party to which she has not presumably been invited, she is available to look after her own daughter. Therefore no problem.
I do like to get things clear.

I would tell your cousin that you can't change the invitation rule just for her, as it would cause upset to others.
If your cousin or her daughter can't find someone else to look after the child, then they just can't come.
Why do people have to make it all about themselves, when it's your Aunts birthday after all.

One of my cousins, whose daughter is a single mum, has asked if they can bring her 4 year old as otherwise one of them will have to stay with her as usual
So it's the cousin who has asked presumably as she usually does the childcare?
Still a No though otherwise what about all the others?

Hang on, or have I misunderstood this?

The OP , a niece, is organising a party in her home for her eighty year old aunt, and the guests are restricted to the siblings of the aunt, her friends and the other nieces and nephews, who are the OP's cousins.
She does not want to invite great nieces and nephews because that would be about twenty extra bodies and no room.(with me so far?).

Surely the single mum, daughter of her cousin, is a great niece and the child a great-great niece, therefore weren't on the guest list anyway?

This is pandering to the child’s parents. Children are not invited and the 4 year olds family should respect this. Ne exception for this spoilt brat who’s family must accept that no means no. What is so difficult to understand about that ?
Pippa she is a single mum
I would imagine life can be hard enough coping alone so being critical is not what I would expect in a loving family.
And if I knew money was tight, what would be wrong with offering?
It’s called helping.

No children means simply that

I would not offer to pay for a babysitter. Why? All the other parents of uninvited children would think that was unfair, unless of course no one else knew you were paying......before you know it you could be responsible for sorting out a crèche!
40 years ago, my sister took umbrage that her children were not invited to a family wedding, so refused invitation. Fast forward to her own daughter’s wedding, none of our family were invited, let alone children as it was a small do. Fair enough, but amazing how views can alter over the years.

It’s not kinder in the long run.

Yes, it's not fair on the child if parent and grandparent sit and ignore her as she creates havoc.

This time there is a perfectly good reason to say no.

Yes, I agree she probably shouldn’t go to this particular event, but I was talking about for the future really, in the long term, it’s better to try and sort this out, than for the child, who’s not at fault here, it’s the parenting, to be consistently excluded. They may find no one will want to babysit such a difficult child.

If no babysitter is available then the parent will not be able to go.
It happens often if children are not invited. Who is closer to the birthday lady, her niece (the granny of the child) or great-niece (mother of child)? They will have to decide between the two of them who will attend.

Anyway, I thought great-nieces were not invited?

Granny activist no need to explain and certainly I would not pay for a babysitter. This is pandering to the child’s parents. Children are not invited and the 4 year olds family should respect this. Ne exception for this spoilt brat who’s family must accept that no means no. What is so difficult to understand about that ?

I agree with MawB If the young lady is a single mum, firm kindness is the answer for this situation. Stick to your guns as she said, but I wouldn’t share that her child is the child from the Omen.

Sorry, sp endlessstrife

Autocorrect again but what steide means I have no idea!

Sorry to disagree Endlesstrife but I think the majority opinion is kinder.
Nobody likes to hear their child is a terror, especially, I suspect a single mum who has nobody to share that with.
The suggestion of help with paying a babysitter is a sympathetic one, if money is tight. However any parent needs to have access to babysitters when family can’t oblige.
Stick to your guns, but kindly.

endlesssteide
If you look at the converse:

The invitation says no children so if one badly behaved child is allowed to go then it could send out a signal to all the others and their parents that if you behave badly you will never be excluded.

Sorry to go against the grain here, but I’m a great believer in being honest, and it’s not fair on the family of the unruly child, that you all feel this way and no one says anything. The fact is, this little girl will be excluded for years to come. I saw it happen to a friend of my daughter’s. In this instance, you do have a valid reason, no children are invited, and that’s fair enough, but am I right in assuming it would have been alright for this child to come, had she been better behaved? It’s not too late to have a talk with the mother. Another ten years, and it could be too late. Hope the party goes well.

I like the Aussie way of handling this - a straight ‘NBK’ on the invitations. (No Bloody Kids!)

Absolutely not being unreasonable. Just say as others suggest...you can't invite one without the others and you want it to be about your aunt and not the children (because let's face it kids just take over don't they?)

There was a similar thread posted not that long ago and it was from 'the Grandma' wanting to take her grandchild to a family party. She felt the host was being unreasonable. Most people felt SHE was being unreasonable so be prepared for a bit of sulking from your cousin or give her some gin and she might forget about the grandaughter

Lovely gesture by the way and I hope you all have a wonderful time.

I think everyone has experienced a friend who has seemed quite sensible about things until they have a child.

Then they'll say "Girls, girls! Let me take your shoes off so you can bounce even harder on someone else sofa".

Tell her sorry but it’s a no, it is not fair on everyone else - if you say yes to one you have to say yes to everyone and that is just not possible.

Beswitched - can you explain that you can't make an exception for this child as it would be unfair on others, but offer to make a contribution to the cost of a sitter if that will help?