To see nothing wrong in declining this wedding invitation

My daughter is getting married in March and the Hen do is afternoon tea with all the female relatives and friends, nothing fancy or expensive. She didn't want people to have to spend a lot of money and I'm delighted that there will be little fuss.

LIFE is TOO SHORT
Don't waste your time going to events that your hearts are not into. Believe me, you won't be missed, so don't attend!

All the above - then there’s the ‘hen’ and ‘stag’ do’s, which my daughters and sons have all complained about time and time again. It used to be a night out with your male or female friends, now it’s a weekend or even a week away somewhere exotic that costs as much as a family holiday!
More fuss than ever these days and the marriages don’t last as long either. ??

If they don’t want to go, then make their excuse and decline!
Weddings are strange things where the guests appear to be divided into groups His, Hers, Their friends, Inlaws, Outlaws, Her work mates, His etc.....
We were invited A few years ago to a neighbours daughter’s evening do. Arrived at stated time with others to find the afternoon reception had over run & the speeches were still underway in the marquee. We were taken into the house & given a glass of bubbly for an hour (One glass ?) and made awkward conversation with other evening guests. Once ensconced in the marquee where chaos ensued and discovering we had to purchase any further drinks at the bar, we sat it out for 30 minutes feeling like the poor relations then DH & I looked at each other, winked and beat a hasty retreat, via a flap in the marquee, back home for an evening in front of the telly and an omelette for supper Oh the relief ?
Needless to say at our 3 daughter's weddings, although all very different, guests were invited for the whole shaboodle!

If any child of mine sent an invitation like that to one of my friends I would be mortified.

Personally I couldn't be bothered. If you feel ackward about it now just imagine how you would feel if you did go, you would be annoyed and wishing you hadn't bothered.

I would assume that good intentions were behind the invitation, but then decide whether they want to accept, given the distance and having to find accommodation and somewhere to eat. Your sister and her hubby may be considered good enough friends that to not invite them to at least the evening do was considered unacceptable. Maybe funds are tight, so the meal was only for a small number. They were maybe only making it clear that any of the evening guests could also come to the ceremony if they wanted. They are not necessarily to know whether invitees have other friends / interests near the wedding venue, would relish a trip to that area or would be more offended not being invited at all. The invitation should certainly not be seen as an insult, but they should decide whether they really want to go or not. If not, send a genuine message of congratulations and a gift if it seems appropriate.

It's not about being sensitive or wanting to be on anyone's A list. It's about being expected to travel a long distance and go to the expense of putting up in a hotel and then being rudely told that you can't come to the drinks and meal.

It smacks of wanting to have a big wedding while cutt corners in ways that inconvenience the guests. If they want a big crowd why not hire a venue and provide a buffet meal or something like that?

Sometimes it's difficult to get all the bits of the wedding booked for it to flow beautifully. We went to a wedding where the registry office ceremony was in the morning. All friends and relatives were then invited for champagne, coffee and wedding cake, drinks available if wanted and the room booked for a few hours. The socialising continued for some time but, as there was a long break to the formal evening meal and party (relatives and invited friends only), the happy couple and evening guests left early. We were in a strange town so we had a break, looked around the place, had lunch with friends who were also invited and then changed for the evening meal. No boring photographs or speeches - hurrah - and plenty of time to relax. Straight home from the evening meal/party and we've never enjoyed any wedding as much. Can't do with the hundreds of guests/all day in the same room thing any more. If your friends don't want to go, or are a bit sensitive and feel slighted, just send a gift.

Yes think I’d be incline to decline and in a very polite way say exactly the reasons. One of the nicest wedding I’ve attended in my many years. Was one with 20 people over a large dining table on the wing of a hotel, room I think all the guests very special. I couldn’t feel special to spend vast amounts and be included for this bit and that bit only. Good luck on whatever decisions they make ...

Why send a ‘generous’ cheque?

I would send a generous cheque and definitely not go!

Its not a insult to not be on everyones A list.

I have some lovely friends whosr inner circle I am NOT in and thats not a bad thing, theyre not in mine but Im still very fond of them just wouldnt chose to live in their pockets.

Ive been to huge weddings where all circles were all invited to everything and tbh I find that they feel more lile a conference than a wedding (to me). Smaller dos are nicer. But its also nice for less close friends to be able to be a bit involved if they want to

Seems very cheap skate to me , inviting your sister for the church and evening but not the wedding breakfast/ feast. I would do exactly what I liked whether that was go or not go. I wouldn’t feel any obligation since I wasn’t invited to the wedding breakfast .

If I were your sister I would send a polite refusal and then send a nice card wishing the young couple well.
A few years ago I had something similar but a lot closer in family. My SGS was getting married and he had been part of our family since a young boy. I was the only GM he had known as the others had died before he was born. We received an invitation to his wedding but only to the evening do from 8pm and likewise to my son's (his stepfather) sisters and husbands. It said we were welcome to stay at the hotel (£200 for the night) and have breakfast with them. It went on to say about the honeymoon they had booked and donations would be gratefully received. As we live abroad it would have involved flights, car hire and more than one night in a hotel. So we politely declined to the email address provided and spent a lovely ten days touring Western Spain staying in lovely hotels for less than going to the wedding would have cost us.

*if the relationship

I just don't get people's issues with this kind of invite. Surely the most important part of the whole day is the actual wedding -which they have been invited to - and which it is a privilege to attend.
It is also well-known how excruciatingly expensive receptions are and how many young couples struggle to invite all the people that they want to be part of their day for a meal which will be costing an arm and a leg!
Why don't people see this is an opportunity to explore a new place - they can always get a cheap meal out and do a bit of shopping or - if it's a summer wedding explore some of the surrounding countryside and take a picnic?
If they are really not that close to the couple then they may not be bothered about not attending and is the relationship is that distant, I think it is cheeky to expect to be wined and dined at great expense.

As a relative are you sure that on receiving your wedding invitation that you would not be included in a after ceremony reception where the newly weds cut the cake.? I am aware there are those who do specifically state on a wedding invitation, reception to follow at??????as there are those who do not mention an evening reception but send out an invitation to those who have not been invited to the actual wedding itself.Having myself experienced an evening event where celebrations were held following the marriage of a friend all I can say is 'bring it on'

Why not make a nice day of it? Go to the ceremony, check into a hotel - chill then party with the best of them! I agree dinner and speeches are tedious.
Or decline it’s not rude to decline with grace.

A very inconvenient (insensitive) arrangement at best. I don't think anyone could blame your sister and her H for not going. The plan clearly doesn't work for them, so they should be under no obligation to make the effort. They may want to send a thoughtful gift with a lovely note expressing their regrets.

At our daughter ‘s wedding we were limited to 85 guests for meal. I remember feeling bad about inviting some good friends who all lived locally to the evening do only. We kept the cake cutting until the evening and one speech before the dancing began. We would not have invited friends who lived some distance away to an evening reception only.I am sure your friends will understand if you decline the invite.

Hi there.
Perhaps your sister and Husband have miss understood the invite?I've not heard of an invite like this...
Sounds like they arent keen to go anyway so they should decline ..Its a expensive enough event even if they did want to go I feel..

Yes I'm not a fan of weddings either. Between expensive 'destinations', blatant requests for cash gifts, leaving guests hanging around for hours while a trillion photographs are being taken and now these these 'bits and pieces' invitations, some brides and grooms seem to lose all sense of manners and perspective when planning their weddings.

Like others have said I have not heard of this before and I dont feel unreasonable to decline the invite. I don't attend weddings in general I find them boring and a very expensive day out so always decline.

Nope, Callistemon, there was absolutely nothing about dietary options, nothing at all - just a menu board that made it look like there was a choice! Somebody messed things up!