Touching other people's babies

So am I Summerlove but I can also disagree with the reasons for the choices. The reason I posted about my daughter's friend was because upthread someone suggested it was old vs young attitudes. I was pointing out that a well read, caring/doting mum made a different choice.. to illustrate it is not necessarily about age difference!

But you are also someone she knows.

Not a random person in the supermarket touching her child.

Reasons shouldn’t really matter in my opinion. Reasons only serve to give people cause to argue that the reasons are invalid, or not.

A mother having agency over her child is the end result either way

Pecs
Please read what I wrote about old vs new. It was never about age.
It as about empowerment

PECS why do you seem to be suggesting that only intelligent caring/doting mums do things the way you prefer?

I'm a right thickie and I let people hold my newborns, I just respect others choices and don't make presumptions lol x

I am not suggesting that.. just pointing out that this one person was and so could have read the range of advice out there and had made an informed decision . It was in response to a post that said it was old people who thought it was OK to touch babies not young people. Somewhere else you might see I posted how naïve I was when I had my babies... elsewhere I have also said it is absolutely the parents' right to make choices about their children.

I do not think we are saying different things. I might disagree with some choices made but it is a parent's responsibility to make them and can disagree with me!

But what you did say *PECS, was that it was a mother's angst.

Yes I did Not Spaghetti
because that is what I thought it seemed like. I am allowed to form that view and you are equally allowed to disagree. That is a debate. We do not have to agree on this and I suspect we won't and that is OK.

I'm happy to smile a bit at others' babies.
I don't want to touch them in case I catch anything off them, with all their dribbling, not to mention the other end.

Ok PECS apologies if this is your view. It looked as though you were stating it as a fact.
I'm happy to agree to differ!

Beswitched, your story about the elderly man patting a child's head is exactly the kind of thing that many of us would do as a natural human instinct. Nothing sinister, or inappropriate about it. And, anyone who thinks there is, well I'm sorry, but I think they have issues. Just my opinion, of course, and we're all entitled to our own opinions.

Good grief, no one is trying to silence mothers, and no one is saying they don't have the choice to do whatever they feel is right for them and their child. I was certainly never made to feel that way when I had my own children, so I'm surprised that things are so different now. We all bring up our children in a way that we see fit, and if you don't want anyone touching/interacting with your child then that's your choice. But, natural human instinct is just that ... natural. If I were to see a child step into the road, I'd run and grab it. If I were to see a child drop it's toy, I'd pick it up and hand it back. If a baby/child sitting in its buggy was to hold out its little hand to me, I'd give it a little touch and say hello. So sorry if that's deemed as being inappropriate to some mothers ... to me, it's simply a natural human instinct.

As Beswitched said in the OP, she wasn't referring to randon strangers picking up a child, or kissing/cuddling it. That, of course, is something entirely different.

I guess we all need to be more aware of differing views. No one view is right or wrong.

your story about the elderly man patting a child's head is exactly the kind of thing that many of us would do as a natural human instinct

I guess what I don’t understand, is why after being told that a lot of people don’t like to be touched, or like to have their children touched, adults will not attempt to regulate their instincts. I agree that that was a sweet story, but So many have said they don’t like being touched, so why continue it?

Not wanting to be touched isn’t rude, and certainly doesn’t imply that a person has issues.

The insistence of many that those of us who don’t want ourselves or our children to be touched and have autonomy over our body are wrong, instead of just changing their own habits is mind blowing.

"But, natural human instinct is just that ... natural. If I were to see a child step into the road, I'd run and grab it. If I were to see a child drop it's toy, I'd pick it up and hand it back. If a baby/child sitting in its buggy was to hold out its little hand to me, I'd give it a little touch and say hello. So sorry if that's deemed as being inappropriate to some mothers ... to me, it's simply a natural human instinct."

Instincts are personal and natural. Not everybody would react the same way to examples you gave above

Here is what my instincts would do in the same cases

1. If I were to see a child step into the road, I'd run and grab it.
This is a matter of safety. Yes, I would stop the child from running into the street if Ididn't see the parents or anybody else to do so nearby

2. If I were to see a child drop it's toy, I'd pick it up and hand it back.
I would let the child pick up the toy

3. If a baby/child sitting in its buggy was to hold out its little hand to me, I'd give it a little touch and say hello.
I would smile, say hello, wave, but I wouldn't touch.

You see how different insticts are? There is no one universal set of instincts we all follow and I think it impact of the problem in this situation

Oh dear, the last two posts from Summerlove & Hithere, I can't even be bothered to comment on. All I can say is that I'm so glad that I know the people that I know in real life, and not some of the people that I've come across here. No disrespect to the majority of Gransneters, who are lovely, but some posters are truly hard work, and I wouldn't want to know them in real life, thank you very much. That's not because they hold different views/opinions to me ... I'm all for a good debate, and I understand that others don't always agree with me. But there's something I find that's just not nice about some people ... I call it natural instinct

Oh dear, the last two posts from Summerlove & Hithere, I can't even be bothered to comment on

And yet, you did.

I was once in Edinburgh many years ago, near the university, when I saw a baby crawling very determinedly across the (fortunately wide) towards the kerb!
No sign of an adult either. I just flew to gather it up and turned round to see a flustered looking young mum who thanked me really effusively. Apparently baby had crawled under the gap at the bottom of the phone box they were in (I did say many years ago! Must have been before everybody had mobiles)
It was quite surreal but I was glad I reacted without a second thought!

I've just joined Gransnet tonight and I'm going to leave again after reading this thread. I should have known better. People can be so nasty and accusing and make you feel such an idiot for innocently sharing an experience and asking for support. I already knew that but joined Gransnet for some moral support about my worries over becoming a grandma. I don't want to be made to feel even worse by reading some nasty judgmental comment from some faceless coward who thinks it's fine to be clever and ridicule other people's concerns or sit in judgement of their honesty. Shame on the lot of you who have made this poor lady feel worse, like some sort of pariah because she did the innocent thing - reaching out to hold a little hand at an appropriate moment. Hello and goodbye

Try reading the OP before you go, Div.
Shame on the lot of you who have made this poor lady feel worse, like some sort of pariah because she did the innocent thing - reaching out to hold a little hand at an appropriate moment
The OP wasn’t talking about her own experience.
She was talking about her colleague’s mother’s neighbour, and was inviting discussion.
No one has been nasty and accusing and no one has been ridiculed.

NotSpaghetti Thanks. Can only be opinion! I don't know the people on here just what is written.

DIV54

If you’re still around, I quite often feel as you do, I know that if I came across a lot of posters in real life I’d run a mile.

But it’s not all like that, most people are kind, supportive funny and interesting.

I stopped looking at this thread because I thought it was getting ridiculous, but popped in this morning when I noticed it was still active.

It would be nice if you reconsidered.

Hi Div54

I'm the OP and would hate if a thread I started put you off Gransnet. I was posting the opinion of a colleague re a neighbour stroking her baby's cheek, which I didn't really agree with and was just interested in hearing how other people felt.

I hope you reconsider your decision to leave.

A baby held my hand on the bus today.
Even though the baby "started it" and wouldn't be deterred, I did think to check with her mum, who said it was fine.

The people saying that they are happy they've never met these paranoid posters in real life of types like these: how would you know?

People often bite their tongue in real life but won't tell you what they really think. It's good to be open yo differing, or even disappointing opinions shared on this thread. Then you'll be able to navigate society with the understanding that truly "different strokes for different folks" is a real thing.

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