Still not met three week old grandson.

I think some new parents just assume the mil is going to be over enthusastic and possessive and think she is going to want to take over and tell them what to do when the grandchild comes along and so start behaving towards her as if she already has been and so aren't comfortable with her seeing the baby.

I think that is what is happening in my case. Odd thing is that was the last thing that was going to happen. It's like a guilty secret I have. I have never been a baby person, there are only 2 babies I have ever held because I wanted to and I have never once thought I would like to be a grandma.

There could be another side to it, or perhaps there isn’t, but her son seems quite happy to have his mum round. We could spend hours imagining all sorts of ‘what if’ scenarios but ultimately conjecture doesn’t help anyone.

If the rescheduling has nothing to do with "her tantrum" then why did you mention it Winnie?

A Cautionary tale from WinnieB.....
I see a lot of people calling the OP’s DIL selfish when they have no real idea of her circumstances or the relationship between these two women...
We only know one side of the story, and it is quite possible that there is rather more to it than we have been told.

@Smileless2012 Are children are not allowed at her house due to her smoking and she isn't allowed at our house due to her behaviors toward me and my home. Caught her smoking in the kitchen The visit isn't being rescheduled until March due to her tantrum about this visit being cancelled and because that what works best with my husband's schedule

Your posts are all very well winnie but they’re irrelevant to the OP.

Its natural to want to see a new baby, I think.
Even animals are very interested when one of their groups has a new one.

Why did the weather mean today's visit had to be cancelled Winnie if she only lives a 10 minute walk away? And why does your m.i.l., your children's GM have to wait until the end of March before she can see her GC, it's only the 9th of February?

You put in an earlier post she's scheduled to see her GC once a month, for an hour for lunch and now it appears as if she's not even going to be getting that. Poor woman.

Wants get deprioritized

I'm so glad my daughter let us see her babies, and the Nan from the 'other side', who tended to be rather more obsessive.

But why are you projecting all that onto the op winnie?

Also @Beswitched just to drive the point more my husband willfully drives and hour and a half every weekend to get my mother to spend the night to spend time with the babies. Why? Because she was respectful to our entire family's needs. Not just trying to get own selfish wants

Talking in general

Would it be nice? Sure!
Who doesn't want things to go nicely? We all want that!

Is it a priority, that's the question?

For grandma, you bet. For her, it is a need.
For the parents and baby, it may or not be a priority.
It all depends on many factors, there is no blanket reply that applies to everybody

They have higher needs to take care of.
For them, it may be a want and and wants get prioritized.
Their lives are now concentrated on the baby and family of 3, 4, 5, etc , not what people want from them.

Does it sting that you are not as high in the priority list as you wished? Did you imagine things would go differently?
You bet! We all adjust to what life throws at us.

Yes MissA I can hardly wait for her good news.

@Beswitched Yes she is do to her own behaviors to our family. Not to mention the fact that she is skating on thin ice with that due to her behavior towards her son. My husband called her last night and said he was cancelling the visit for today due to the weather. She acted liked a toddler and threw a tantrum and husband told her he would see her at the end of March. In case you are wondering she lives 10 minutes walk from us.

I think we'll all be cheering when she is finally allowed to see the baby

We all know that daughters usually spend more time with their mothers. I'm not commenting on that. But I think there are times when playing "fairsies" is appropriate. This is one.
Anyway I've said all that I want to say.
Perhaps HappyGran you will report back..

No we don’t know why her sister is there. All we know is what the OP has told us and we either agree it would be nice if she’d been able to say her DGC after 3 weeks or or we don’t.

Your mil is on a once a month schedule ?. The babies' grandmother??

Its not exclusionary or selfish. Just for the simple fact that I don't care if my mother and sister sees me with my breasts out or going shirtless. I do care about the in laws seeing me in that way. When you are trying to express milk its incredibly difficult to do so when you are around people who you don't feel comfortable with. That affects my baby's well being and also mine. Granny here needs to be very careful here before her pushiness gets her pushed right out of the way. Which has happened to my own MIL. Not because of me but because of her son getting tired of her pushiness and pressure. He now has her on a schedule where she can see our twins for 1 hour for lunch once a month. Whoever keeps encouraging this woman to just show up, to just keep calling and the very worst inviting themselves over and pushing past them are doing her no favors at all, Being a grandparent is a privilage and not a right

Playing tit for tat and fairsies does not work.

We don't know why her sister is there and for how long.

If you make it a competition, when it is clearly not, you may lose.

I agree annpl.

Exactly Beswitched.

Oh for goodness sake Siobhan! My daughter laughs when I run to the boys first when she gets off the plane! She's not jealous! OP hasn't got to the stage of offering help or caring about DiL.. She just wants to see her gc.
So many silly excuses here. Even if some mothers don't want to see anyone for three weeks they can still spare a little time even for a oneoff visit to introduce the new baby. In rhis case the DiL sister is there every day. I think its selfish. I would feel very hurt. I don't understand the son agreeing to this.

Indeed.