Still not met three week old grandson.

Thank you for your kind comment curvygran ?

Sorry , typo . ‘on social media ,’I meant.

I think the main difference is that now there is unlimited and sometimes confusing information/advice/‘rules’ available at a click on the internet. When I had my first baby, we relied on advice from mum ( sometimes!) , good friends who were in the same situation, and one or two books . My mum was the other side of the world so it was a case of just doing my best and using common sense . There wasn’t so much pressure on doing things the ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way . Or feeling the pressure to put perfect mum and baby photos are n social media . So in many ways it Was easier for us .

I was answering the OP. I offered advice and showed empathy for her situation. I thought that was the purpose of GN. To give the OP 'hope'. Where would any of us be without that?

Shall we try not to generalise and stereotype based on ages and generations? It’s not helpful.

Some mums in generations past found it hard, others less so. So women had their parents living nearby who could drop in for a short while and help as needed, others didn’t and their mum came to stay for days and took over. Some women were happy with this as they got on well with their mum, others were overwhelmed by a mum who dominated the proceedings. Many new young mums cope really well, many new older mums cope really well, and many of in between ages cope well - and the vast, vast majority of new mums do a bloody good job of raising a new baby, making mistakes along the way as a mum in the same way they will continue to make mistakes as a mum of older children and adults.

Really feel for you Happygran. I have in the past year heard of the new 'no visits for the first two weeks'. Apparently this is so the baby only knows/bonds with the parents. My friend was told this by her son on the birth of their second child. They did relent after the first week. I do not know where all these new instructions come from IMO. You say you have been told no visitors, I assume your son told you. I would ask him if you could call for say half an hour to meet your new grandchild. You are not being unreasonable, they are. If the answer is no, then just say 'please let me know when I can visit'. I find it hard to believe it won't be long now before you can visit. Just know you are not alone by any means in your situation.

Nansnet

I agree, again it’s not a criticism, I just don’t see why everything is so intense for some new parents.

I can’t help but wonder how on earth child number one fits into the schedule when baby number two comes along.

This is just an observation, but young parents seem to cope a lot better than older parents, the young ones just seem to get on with things.

I know that things have changed since we (grandmothers) had our babies, but one would think that, if anything, things should be easier for new mums now. Considering all the modern technology that they have, such as breast pumps, steamer/sterilizers, baby monitors linked to their mobile phones, baby seats that rock the baby, sound machines to hush the baby. I'm just wondering why, from what's been said by many of the newer generation of mums, things seem to be more difficult for them than I remember ...? That is a genuine question, I'm not criticizing, I'm honestly intrigued, and I do wonder whether they sometimes make life more difficult for themselves than need be.

. Most young mums have that schedule but still manage to introduce the baby to grandparents living nearby within days of their arrival.

What utter nonsense OutsideDave. By that rationale, no one would get to see a new baby till month 3/4 as there is no free time. We have all been there but its about the way we look at things.

pbs.twimg.com/media/EN9_0PCXUAApNWf?format=jpg&name=small

In case folks have forgotten what the schedule looks like with a newborn...

What a lovely post, JenniferEccles , especially after all the unkindness that has sadly appeared on this thread .
Happygran, please let us know when you are a super-happy gran !

Please update us on here Happygran when you do eventually get to see the little chap.

I really feel for you as most on here do, but once you see him all this waiting will be forgotten.

I hope it’s soon for you!

Hope you get the outcome you want very soon. You too have been amazing patient and not saying nasty things about your DIL.

I too keep popping back to see if there’s been the green light for a peep at your grandchild yet Happygran. I hope it happens very soon. I think you are very kind not to show your hurt, especially as you live but 5 minutes away and could have a super short visit.

I think it’s a strange situation but it is what it is. x

Some mothers have difficulty pumping - it's not always that simple, as Hithere pointed out. Not to mention that babies need to be fed on demand. We don't know how much the baby is actually sleeping and how much extra time DIL actually has on her hands. I rather doubt she is just sitting at home plotting ways to keep her MIL out of their life. She's likely just trying to survive and adjust to being a new mum.

"maybe if DIL stopped expressing ALL day, got out once in a while she would be a bit more relaxed??"
I recommend to educate yourself on this subject. It is not that easy.

Pumping involves a very regular schedule that mimics the child's feeding schedule. The risks of not following it could have severe health risks for the mother

My pal has just become a Gran for the first time. The baby is in Canada and they won't be able to meet until she is 6 months old at least.
My pal's a wee bit sad but is knitting furiously and seeing photos and videos.

Sorry - “she WAS my second“ - bloody fat fingers.

Your poor DIL! She must be knackered and a bit dispirited by it all. I expressed for 11 months with my first as she has cerebral palsy and an unsafe swallow, it’s hard, particularly in the early days and she wasn’t second so I’d at least had experience of BF and expressing before.
I still think 3 weeks is along time and they really could see you but I think you are right to cut her slack. She is being unreasonable but there are massive extenuating circumstances.
You are doing the right thing by being patient. I just hope you don’t have to be for much longer!

Just an observation on my part, maybe if DIL stopped expressing ALL day, got out once in a while she would be a bit more relaxed?? I fail to see why she needs to express all day, baby isn't fed all day and providing there's enough for the next feed she will have some breathing space and a bit of time for herself. This might all have said before in this thread but I haven't read every response, so excuse me if I have repeated anyone else's comments.

This sounds very much to me like "first new baby syndrome" . Yes, it's difficult getting used to a new baby but family do want to meet the new arrival. Every eventuality is easily met with a little flexibility.

Yes, demand a visit! That will immediately endear you to your DIL, make your son proud of his mom, and guarantee lots of regular access to your grandchild ?

The OP did not ever suggest she was going to do that! Nothing she has said has suggested she was considering this!!

Other posters did, somewhat unwisely in my view and yours!!

@OutsideDave I couldn’t have said it any better. The grandmothers here demanding a visit and suggesting bringing the law into it (LOL at that by the way) are going to be th grannies who get the least interaction with their grandchildren. Something is going on behind the scenes there, something we know nothing about. And clearly something they don’t wish to share with OP. The son doesn’t owe his mother any sort of detailed explanation about his family. In fact, I would give the son a high five for putting his wife and child’s needs first in this situation. Clearly DIL needs time. Son is providing that to her, as he should. A forced visit is going to get you resentment from DIL. I would know because this happened to me. It sounds like Dave and I had a somewhat similar postpartum MIL experience. My relationship with my MIL is forever changed because of her selfishness in those first days after birth. You don’t want that to be you

Congratulations happy gran I must admit it seems a long time to wait to see your grandchild surely your son as rights as to who sees the baby hope you get invited soon ?

It sounds to me like her cortisol levels are high, and this may be why the baby can’t relax and feed. Nobody should have to express all day, that’s ridiculous. I imagine that, although she doesn’t actually have visitors, apart from her mother and sister, she’s in a state of anxiety waiting for the gates to open to allow the audiences in!! It does seem unfair, and a long time to wait, but wait you have to. However long it takes, with no pressure. You DON’T NEED TO BOND. You did that with your own children. The relationship between grandchildren and grandparents is totally different, and can be taken up anytime. If you disagree with this, there’s still nothing you can do. Wait for the call, and embrace it when it comes.