Still not met three week old grandson.

All of our individual experiences are very much our own facts. They may not be the same experiences and facts as the woman on the 49 omnibus, but they are still relevant because that's what has happened to us as individuals. We can only offer advice based on those experiences and most of us do; in good faith and with good intentions.

What is not helpful is when someone offers their experiences/facts as the only way to address a problem because their advice is sacrosanct and must be followed and you would be fool hardy to ignore them. This is usually delivered under the guise of the adviser being "qualified" to deliver their diktat and it's nearly always the same format and instructions, rarely allowing for different circumstances or situations to their own.

Best they're ignored.

I always wanted to show off all my babies, I don’t get why you wouldn’t.

I didn't. I had crippling postnatal depression and anxiety set in at the hospital. I did show her off, I had no choice, no voice because someone always knew better than me and it was detrimental to my mental health. It's not always Black and White.

Not everybody is happy sharing their personal medical information to other people

I'm not sure that pointing out the unhelpfulness/irrelevance of a post is arguing! More supporting the OP to focus on relevant constructive advice/criticism and ignore the rrelevant / not constructive stuff!!

Yes, my experiences are facts, but they don't pertain to this situation, they pertain to mine, so I think i'll join you and read something else too.

Experiences are facts but I haven't achieved anything but to get drawn into the arguing myself which I dont want. Was just tired of seeing it, I'll find something else to read x

Its helpful to base opinion on facts, I find, rather than on our own personal bias.

I think it’s a case of both points of view being right, but finding the best way to deal with it. It does seem strange, that the OP hasn’t met her grandson yet. When I had our children, everyone was invited to see them directly they were born, and then we battened down the hatches for a few weeks so we could adjust. There’s nothing wrong with saying Happygran, ‘We appreciate you may not be ready to see us yet, but would love to see you when you are’, because there’s always the chance they may think you’re actually not bothered. After that though, you really have to wait. Like I said before, you don’t want to risk alienating yourselves for good.

I don't think it's helpful to OP to have to read a lot of unpleasant nonsense from posters who are either trying to wind her up or projecting their own experience onto everyone else's situations.

I just don't think it is helpful to OP honestly trying to wade through pages of everyone against agnurse who has based her opinion on her own experience as we all do x

Yennufer, can I clarify one thing. Agnurse does need telling she is being unreasonable, she clearly isn't thinking of anyone's feelings when she posts, she won't take any notice because she is always right.. If it were just one comment, perhaps it's excusable, but every post. I am very pleased my daughter in law is lovely, I feel very sorry tor those with embittered ones and I am not talking about Panda's when I say that.

I think I would take a similar line to Hetty and ask if everything is alright and you’re getting a bit concerned. That you can understand that friends and distant family can’t visit yet, but why is the other immediate family coming in all the time but you can’t? Is something wrong? DiL ok? Baby ok? Have you offended? You may then get that invite to prove all is well.

Maybe you could ask your son whether he thinks DIL has postnatal depression? She may then invite you just to prove she hasn't.

I had this idea as I used to (sneakily) very discreetly ask my 'bright but lazy' students if they felt they needed some help and learning support. Their coursework would be done and handed in promptly!

Yes, it takes a village to raise a kid - with my added caveat of "as a parent, I have the input of who gets in that village"
For example, I pick the doctors I trust. Schools, friends, etc.

I always wanted to show off all my babies, I don’t get why you wouldn’t.

Whatever happened to ‘it takes a village to raise a child’? Of course a mother’s wishes should be respected but the OP has given no indication that she’s about to go in with all guns blazing. She’s just wondering wistfully when she might see her new grandchild.

We also need to be careful of what we wish for. One of my sons and his wife also decided on the ‘no visitors for three months’ rule when their first child arrived. When the baby arrived, my son phoned with the news in great excitement and after giving the details he said ‘Oh mum, I wish you and dad could see him, he’s so beautiful!’ As it happened, we were living in sub-Saharan Africa while he was in the US and it wasn’t possible to make the long trip at short notice so there was nothing we could do but wait until the next year.

Funnily enough, when they had their second baby, we were asked well in advance to go out to help with the impending arrival!

Manmar2

Well

We’ll said tickingbird**

I’m glad you get to see a video of your grandchild yesterday. Keep being patient and you will be invited over soon I am sure.

True Sara, but maybe DIL doesnt want a fuss, people to know or whatever. I remember feeling very vulnerable after my first, I was very low and worried people saw me as weak or not being able to feed/look after my child properly.

We just dont know.

Some of the comments on here are so snide and I think they come from women who were/are probably the nasty, spiteful DIL’s we hear about. Having a baby doesn’t give women the right to turn into harridans from hell. Of course the OP should have been allowed to meet their grandson. The DIL’s family are there everyday and 3 weeks on she hasn’t been allowed to meet him? This is wrong and spiteful and the DS should take a stand and say he’s inviting his parents round to see his new son. A short visit to meet him
is no big deal.

I've come late to this discussion and have to admit I skipped through some of it. I agree with you, endlessstrife, you will see him eventually and a lot of harm could be done if you force the issue. Your son is doing his best with photos and videos, as well as looking after his exhausted wife and new baby, not to mention the overwhelming feelings of responsibility he must feel.
I really don't think bonding with you at this early stage is going to be a problem - I first met my DGD when she was 6 months old, and it was pure love at first sight! Tears and cuddles at the Arrivals at Heathrow.
Congratulations on becoming a granny and best wishes to all of you! Keep calm, keep loving, and most of all ,be patient .

Happygran so glad you have received the video of your new grandson, you will soon be visiting xx

March

You may be right, but it wouldn’t hurt them to explain if there’s a problem, even if they don’t want to go into details.