Still not met three week old grandson.

I couldn’t be bothered to read all the replies, particularly as there seemed to be animosity developing. I would just say that the best things are worth waiting for, and just to hang on in there. As grandparents, we don’t have any rights. We had those with our own children. I’ve always felt that my children were a blessing, and just ours, mine and my husband’s. There’s a much bigger mix with grandchildren, and although every minute spent with them is a delight, we’re not in a place to hanker. I’m sure you’ll see him eventually, but until that time, you have to be patient. To do anything else could jeopardise any future relationship. Congratulations by the way.

I am a bit late to this conversation but can’t help but think you are being treat very badly Happygran and I’m sorry but a video of your new grandchild after 3 weeks just doesn’t do .

I am a paternal and maternal grandma and am very lucky that my DDiL recognises that I am as much a part of her and my son’s children’s lives as her mum is, which is the way it should be for you too.

A very good and sensible post from Newmom101 .

I can’t imagine what your son must be thinking .

If a new born GC is on the other side of the world then it stands to reason that it will be some time before seeing him/her for the first time, but when that GC is only a couple of miles away it's unreasonable.

I agree MissA, Madgran and Chewbacca we all have different points of view but there's no need for them to be expressed unpleasantly.

I'm putting money on something going on behind the scenes that you dont know about.
3 weeks is a long time imo, even if it was just for half an hour.
Not being able to breastfeed can contribute towards Postnatal depression.
Coupled with how shes feeling, what her hormones are like, what the delivery was like...lots of other contributions.
If they are getting advice from Midwives and Health visitors too. Advice has changed now so they might be taking their advice.

You just dont know so speculation does nothing. All you know is what they have told you. Keep contact and welcome pictures, they are obviously going through something so give them time. Good luck!

You know, I think the DIL has been reading baby books written by agnurse!

Seriously though, I remember being influenced by “professionals” who made you feel you had to do it their way or fail.

Perhaps Dil has been brainwashed. limit contact, be insular, think of all those germs, be with your baby 24 hrs or you won’t bond, blah, blah blah. I think new mothers are totally overwhelmed by birth gurus. And it’s all so accessible online........

Congratulations but what a palavar. Doesn’t matter what any of us lot think. The OP is being included, is being sent photographs and has been thanked. Being patient and respecting the wishes of others is not easy but can be attainable. My first encounter with first step grandchild was 6 months after birth due to being the other side of the world and many grandparents, maternal and paternal are in this situation.

Its high time that unpleasant posters were pulled up when they make up their own narrative and go out of their way to inject a sour note.

You've only to look at people stating how offputting it is on the "new poster, old member, lurker" thread.

Crikey Happygran1964 some utter rubbish being talked on here by a couple of posters in the last 24 hours. You seem very sensible, rising above their ridiculous spouting. As you have said that the baby is now bottle feeding and you live nearby, why not just pop round? Is it just possible that your daughter in law is thinking to herself 'I wonder why they haven't been yet?'

Yes posters should be able to give their opinion as long as it is done constructively rather than destructively even when criticising and as long as it is based on what has been said rather than their version to just suit their own somewhat repetitive agenda. And Chewbacca I agree with your last comment

I feel for you waiting so long. My daughter and SIL asked that nobody go for two days so they could be on their own but then both families went, 2 sets of grandparents , 2 aunties and one uncle just for a few mins at the hospital the day before discharge and then I went to stay for a week to help when SIL went back to work but daughter had twins and it was very hard for her.

I do think a short visit is not too much to ask after 3 weeks.

It’s been 3 weeks since the OP’s own grandchild was born, not some random friend of a friend’s child. I think you should have been allowed to see him within a couple of days happygran1964.

I can’t think of any circumstance at all why you would be stopped from seeing him ?‍♀️

Yennifer, I don't think posters should be allowed post with impunity on here. If they make personal remarks, with no justification, then they should be called out on it.

OP, I was just wondering if there's any possibility your dil might have pnd and this is why your son and her mum are pandering to her seemingly rude behaviour?

I agree with Sarah65 100%.

Yennifer, surely, if certain posters, choose to post nasty, vile comments, then they can only expect to get comments back directly related to them and what they have said. Certain posters come across as being deliberately offensive, and it is obvious that they are simply trying to wind up the OP, and anyone else trying to give constructive advice without the need to be offensive, or upsetting anyone. Being nice doesn't cost anything. Most of us choose not to be nasty because it's unnecessary, but when someone is nasty they should expect comments that they perhaps don't like in response.

Maybe it was better back in the day , when you stayed longer in hospital. I was in for ten days with each one, first four days with no visitors, which I admit was quite nice.

Then they all appeared for a limited amount of time, and you weren’t expected to make a pot of tea.

My eldest daughter had a few days in hospital with each one, and we always visited with her in-laws. It’s a family thing, horrible to exclude one side.

No apologies needed Nansnet

I think you can give an opinion on a thread Yennifer without resorting to making spurious claims about the OP which are not backed up by fact.

If agnurse wants to know if she unreasonable she will start a post x

To be fair, agnurse gives the same stock reply to any post asking for advice on this particular problem i.e. grandparents are always in the wrong for expecting to be involved in their families lives and DILs are always in the right to reject them. Her advice rarely, if ever, alters no matter what the circumstances and it's this that some posters have recognised and taken issue with. Not all problems between grandparents and DILs are the same that agnurse has experienced with her own ILs and the solutions will therefore vary from situation to situation.

SirChenjin, sorry, I didn't phrase that very well did I?! I know you're not all the same, thankfully! They know who they are!
Please accept my apologies.

Wow I even know who are the trolls on here
OP I am also the parental mum
We don't see our grandson anywhere near as much as my Dil parents
We are ok with that
However we met (not held ) our grandson at the same time as her parents aka within an hour of him being born (we were rung and asked to come over )
We held him five days later
Like you we just wanted to meet him
I can totally sympathise with you and very much agree it is so sad you can't just meet the latest addition to the family
I hope you are able to see the grandbaby soon

This is Am I being unreasonable right? So people should be allowed to say what they think without others completely ruining the post! If agnurse wants to know if she unreasonable she will start a post x

DIL17 Be useful instead of falling into the paternal granny trap of only giving a thought to yourself

All I can say say is that I’m very glad you’re not my DiL.
What a nasty, unjustified and prejudiced comment to make.
Are you like that in real life or is that just your online persona talking?

those who I assume have popped over from mumsnet

Excuse me?! I ‘popped over’ from MN - please don’t tar us all with the same brush

Happy gran, Why don't you just ring at a time when your son is there and ask to just so speak to your dil if she is free, if you speak ask how they both are and end the conversation by saying how excited you both are and look forward to seeing baby when she's up to it and anything you can do to help you would be pleased to, if she can't speak send your love to her and the baby via your don saying the same to him. I can understand how left out you feel, I would, but you don't know the ins and outs and patience will pay off.
Agnurse, once again an unpleasant unsympathetic reply, do you have no idea of people's feelings if they are not your own. To say it's non of her business's, well really. She wasn't making it her business,
Well beck, what a lot of assumptions, the poster is a proud grandmother, not a stranger she hasn't pushed herself, just wants to see her first grandchild as anyone would.
?

Katyj, you've just made me choke on my coffee!

Some of the posts on here have got to be wind-ups! So ridiculous, they are hilarious!

Happygran1964, you'll learn to spot them after a while, they spout the same old nonsense on various posts, and some of them seem to be in cahoots together. You'll learn to spot them, just ignore them.

I must say that if agnurse is a real nurse and routinely refers to childbirth as major surgery, then I really don't think much of her training if that's what she's been taught. Hopefully, none of us will have the need for her nursing skills!

I think, what a lot of posters on here seem to forget (those who I assume have popped over from mumsnet), is that the majority of us on the Gransnet community are indeed mothers ourselves (many of us, not particularly 'old'), and we have all experienced the trials and tribulations of pregnancy, labour, childbirth and recovery. It is not something that is new to them. And often, when wanting advice, having had first hand experience, is far more beneficial than any information you can find in a book/online, and even from a medical professional who has never experienced any of the above.

Sorry, I've gone a little of topic there. But, Happygran64, I really feel for you, and think it's totally selfish that you've not even been allowed so much as a quick peek of your new GC! It's total codswallop that in 3 weeks, your DiL has not been able to allow this. But, sadly, I think you're just going to have to ride it out and hope that she comes around soon to arrange for you to visit. Frankly, if it were me, next time I spoke to my son, after asking how mum & baby are doing, I'd have to say something along the lines that his dad & I can't wait to meet our new GC, and we hope he's not wearing long trousers by then!

And, finally, regarding the vile comment somewhere upthread about paternal grandparents. One day, if you have a son of your own, it may come back to bite you in the bum! Unless, of course, you are the unfeeling, uncaring kind of individual that you come across as.

I agree Sara65, surely by now the dil's mother should be feeling very awkward about the whole thing.