Still not met three week old grandson.

DIL17
I hope you realise you have just peed off any paternal grandmothers reading this thread by declaring us only thinking of ourselves.
Are you a grandparent? If so maybe you can teach us how to be such paragons of virtue.

What a lovely thing to finish the day with! Night night

Well thank you for the kind words and support.
My son has just sent me a video of my gorgeous grandson making sleepy baby noises and I am one happy nana.
Goodnight and sleep well. X

I so feel for you, you are being treated very shabbily but any sign of reproach will just make things worse. All you can do is send presents and notes and say you are looking forward to meeting the baby when they are ready - and be all smiles and joyful.

Well said Scentia. What a nasty, unnecessary and nonsensical post DIL17

DIL17, It wasn't the OP who suggested her son brings the baby alone to her house.

agnurse what a horrible reply. Happygran1964 I really feel for you, you must be desperate to see your grandson and I know I would be very hurt at their cruel behaviour. I hope your son and daughter in law allow a visit soon. Honestly what is wrong with some people. Just plain mean given that her mother and sister are there every day.

At this time it isn't about you and your needs. Your DIL is in survival mode
FGS what does this mean, she has only had a baby.

You've just banged on about cuddles and even suggest that your son brings baby alone to your house
No, the OP has NEVER suggested that, another poster said this.

Some of these responses are ridiculous, clearly some posters don’t live in the real world.

I have a 2 year old and I’m currently pregnant. I would never dream of making any of my parents/siblings/in-laws that are immediate family to either I or DH wait that long.

Yes, the well-being of the new mom and baby should be top priority. For that reason I won’t be having anyone other than DH and my DD at the hospital (other than if I need my sister to cover DH during labour), and I won’t be having visitors for the first 24ish hours to get a bit more settled as I regretted letting people round straight away last time. HOWEVER, me and the baby aren’t the only priority, DH (and obviously DD) is as well. He will want to show the new baby to his family, as any person with normal family relationships would. And his feelings are also important, he’s a new parent as well. So I would never dream of shutting his family out, they get the same treatment as mine.

I was in the same position as the OPs DIL with my DD. Breastfeeding didn’t go to plan and I was expressing at all hours. I still found an hour for people to visit every week or so.

OP, I would do as the sane pp’s have said. Give it a couple of days and ask if you can come round, make it clear it’ll be no more than an hour tops and take a little gift for your son and DIL as well. Hopefully once you’re there and DIL can see you aren’t going to be grabby with the baby then she will calm down.

But OP all you've done is talk about yourself!

You haven't once suggested how you could help them or offer support. You've just banged on about cuddles and even suggest that your son brings baby alone to your house.

Why would someone who has struggled to establish feeding, clearly feeling rough and vulnerable want someone so fixated on themselves to visit.

Try offering to do a food shop or to do a house clean while they can relax with baby.

Be useful instead of falling into the paternal granny trap of only giving a thought to yourself.

No-one can help on a practical level, but hopefully you’ll get some support from posters who have been through similar

DIL 17
Well yes obviously.
Annodomini
I know no one can actually help as such but this a safe place to share and let out emotions.

Give your poor DIL a break. She's just had a baby, is trying to breastfeed, expressing all day (no fun at all) trying to do her best for her baby and probably looks and feels awful most of the day. Of course she wants her mum and sister to support her, they know what she looks like when she's all crumpled and sore and feeling tired and down.

Just wait till things have settled down, ask (asking is important, don't assume you know) what you can do to help, eg shopping, precooked meals, maybe offer to pay for a cleaner etc. What people usually need in situations like this is practical help not visitors. At this time it isn't about you and your needs. Your DIL is in survival mode.

Much as we would all love an early days cuddle it's not the end of the world if it doesn't happen. I didn't see one of my grandchildren till she was 6 months old because I had to fly to the other side of the world to do so. Try to take the longer view of your relationship with your DIL and your son and their family. It's much more important than the timing of the first cuddle.

I have to say I completely agree with @agnurse original comment.

Right now the priorty is mum and baby and if having her mum and sister there helps her then that's what's needed.

You just have to wait.

Happygran1964, it must have become fairly obvious that no-one who doesn't know you, your son and DiL, can be really helpful. I know I can't add anything. Has the baby been checked for being tongue tied? That can explain why a new baby can't latch on.
To be honest, all I can say is just to be patient and keep lines of communication open with your son without appearing to pressurise him. A big ask, but it's the only way.

Hithere. Are you for real!. New mum is super busy. She’s had a baby not triple bypass surgery.

HAPPYGRAN1964. You are being treated very shabbily but my advise to you would be to just wait a bit longer. Your son knows this isn’t right but what can he do!.

It’s a mother/son joke. Luckily he has a sense of humour.

Yes it is obviously a comment directed at a male, an unfortunate phrase to use about a new Dad who is supporting is partner as best he can.

Yes Hithere that’s exactly what will happen, of course . Pushed aside, force fed a sleeping draught and relegated to the position of rent-a-womb while The Circle of Life is played at full volume and the OP and her son dance around the living room, cackling in triumph.

Or, y’know, not.

What a horrible thing to say Hithere. You're the one referring to the mother as an "incubator and wet nurse" and why denigrate a son who proudly wants to show his new baby to his parents by referring to him having "his lion king with his parents"?

Aren't new father's allowed to be proud?

A parent's role is to protect their child and to do what they feel is in the best interest of their child. Some choose to limit / control visitors in the early days. It is very tough for those full of love for the new family member, their child's child, and who are having to wait.

It must be overwhelming for new parents now..so much advice available .. and at the touch of a button.... so many experts ..some real some quacks... advising about bonding, health, feeding, sleeping, swaddle don't swaddle, etc. etc.

I was quite naïve when I had my babies and there really were very few people giving advice.. Dr Spock and Claire Rayner ..I chose down to earth , no nonsense Claire's book & welcomed support and help from the 'wise women'..my mum and mum in law and a lovely health visitor!

It wasn't the parents in Lion King who held baby simba up, it was the monkey Hithere... Obviously holding little babies over drops is very frowned on in real life lol x

SirChenjin

I am speechless.

Poor dil, the incubator and wet nurse is put aside so the son can have his lion king with his parents.

A good suggestion SirChenjin

Greymar

Please read a post properly before making disparaging comments.
The phrase was directed at my SON, rather obviously I would have thought!