Still not met three week old grandson.

I feel for you happygran1964 think this is a bit unfair. I’m the mother of three sons and if I was treat anywhere near this I would be so unhappy. Feel for you I do.

Did your son send you pictures of the baby?
Maybe a short videochat would help?

You want to meet your gc for cuddles. The mother becomes irrelevant and secondary, now invisible. As a dil, I wouldn't like that.

Maybe her family are there to help, take care of her, the mother?

Dil is super busy now. A visit with you, "if only an hour" (that's a long time in a new mother's calendar), means she has to get dressed, presentable and play the hostess role.
Trust me, it doesn't work for her. Entertaining visitors is at the bottom of her priorities

You also mention baby is taking the bottle, would you want to bottle feed too?

You see where I am going? Your expectations are not hers and the baby to fulfill.

The more you push dil, the more she will push back.

It is very hard for grandparents but we do not have any 'rights' over our children or grandchildren. I do think the ban on visitors is a growing way of doing things and should be respected. In the long run a tiny baby is not going to know you anyway so be patient, make understanding noises, ask if they need anything that you can help with and ask your son for a regular on line picture.. maybe even FaceTime or Skype. If they lived overseas, as my mum did when my brother was born, it was a year before grandparents got to see him..but they loved each other just as much as if they had been with him from day one!

@Agnurse and @Summerlove

Good posts!

1 hour visit, for a postpartum mother, may feel like 4 or more hours.

Your son thanked you for the balllons and other presents, why does your dil need to thank you too?

Congratulations Happygran1964 on the birth of your grandson! It is completely understandable that you feel as you do, regardless of what others might be saying. (I sometimes think that certain others on here are planted to stir up the threads). I don't see how you could help but feel hurt and slighted but try your best to not take it personally. I agree with others that you shouldn't push at this point. I hope things improve soon, keep us posted.

It was different times but when I arrived home with baby, struggling out of the car as I was sore with 5 episiotomy stitches, and having had a flat tyre on the journey, my in-laws were sitting on the drive in anticipation. What did I do.... Made dinner for tephem, they only lived ten minutes away.
I wish I'd had the backbone of some of today's young mums.

However, this is not the case with op. I agree that 3 weeks is a long time, I'd be gutted. But what can you do? Be nice and bide your time. It's nice that d's is sending regular pics of baby. Could you reply to a pic....... "baby is so gorgeous we are looking forward to cuddles. ". or something like that.

There are a couple of posters on here who I am so glad didn't marry int8my family. This attitude that once a man marries, his parents become some sort ofdistant relatives is really depressing but I've seen it on mumsnet threads as well.

Whilst it is very disappointing not to have seen the baby I wonder if there is some other issue. For example is baby not latching because he is premature or has mum got a touch of the baby blues and just can’t see you. The young couple may feel very private about problems that they hope are about to settle down.. your DIL may also feel that once you start visiting then you will be round there several times a week. Who knows? Only your DIL. I had a very difficult birth and a premature baby so am perhaps reading too much into this. Hang on for a few more days, keep saying thank you for the photos. Better to be genuinely welcome in the next week or two than simply tolerated tomorrow surely? Also - be proud of your son, thanking you, sending photos and supporting his wife. It will feel so amazing when you get that first cuddle - soon I hope.

Waiting is waiting, keep it up, you have nothing to lose.

I don't believe all this talk of grandparent 'bonding' with a new baby. I think it's tosh. Of course we all get excited and think our grandkids are enchanting marvels (well, we know they are ?) but babies take a while even to bond with their mum, so I don't think you are missing out any bonding time. Cuddle time, marvelling time, maybe.

If the mum is struggling to breast feed I can fully understand why she only wants her own relatives around. She probably feels awkward about it with anyone else. If she is using bottles already I shouldn't think it will be long before you can visit, or even that they will visit you.

So hold your horses and don't be resentful. It'll be worth it.

All the best

Calendargirl I don’t think you should incur anyone’s wrath! A happy baby is a fed baby. My sis in law struggled terribly with her first to breast feed and eventually after around 3 weeks moved to bottles, however she was a new mum and was trying to heed the advice being given by various professionals around her encouraging her to keep trying. She was eventually so exhausted that my brother put his foot down and bought formula. She also came under a lot of pressure with her subsequent two children who she formula fed from birth from these same professionals. It’s a shame for these poor women, encouragement is one thing, but the shame and feelings of failure many of them end up with is horrendous!

I’m going to incur wrath when I say this, but if it’s proving so difficult to breast feed, then a bottle is probably a happier option, and a less stressed new mum.

Happygran, this happens. The d.i.ls parents, specially the Mother tends to be omnipresent. The girls seem to need their mothers more than their mothers-in-law. And I think, as in my case, their mothers could do, and did a lot more than I did. They are much younger than me. So I didn't mind at all.
Having said that, 3 weeks a long time to not see the little one.
Congratulations and I hope you get to see him soon.

Haven’t read all the posts so might be duplicating. Yes, I think it’s unreasonable that you haven’t had even a quick visit in three weeks, especially as DIL’s family are there every day. Very selfish.

Could you ask your other sons and DILs, whom you seem to have a good relationship with, to ask their brother if there is a problem with you seeing the baby as you did when their children were born? Just out of interest, have any other members of your close family seen the new arrival?

I wish you would read the posts properly ag because almost everyone has said to give them time (and we know how Grandma feels too, we all sympathise, it is just a matter of waiting). Your posts are, as usual, without any empathy at all for the situation and just to add no one is "plotting" anything (what a warped interpretation).

I felt awful, for all sorts of reasons, when my first was born. I could not have faced my parents-in-law. I saw my mum (not even my lovely dad) my husband & my very best friend. That was all apart from professional visitors.
My PiLs had the good sense to wait until I felt able to see them. They said all the right things and took the lead from me.
We spent time with them later when all had settled down, and a year later, had a lovely holiday together.
Two years later, again unwell, with my new baby & toddler, my mum had become disabled. My MiL came to stay and help, and was tactful as ever.
She went on to have a great relationship with her grandchildren.

Erm There is a huge amount of physical recovery and psychological work that women need to do to recover after a birth and adjust to being new parents

Thank you agnurse I had two myself‼️

Totally agree with Urmstongran, I do not understand why the fathers family are less important.

Alright mums feelings trump everyone else’s, that’s as it should be. But unless there is a specific problem that we’re unaware of, it would be natural for her to invite her in-laws for a brief visit.

She seems a bit mean to me.

She’s probably doing virtually permanent skin to skin to promote breastfeeding, spending a lot of time more or less topless, still sore and bleeding. Having her Mum there is totally different to having her MIL, it’s not her being precious, it’s called putting her baby first. If she gets over tired/stressed it will massively affect the success of breastfeeding.

Send an apple pie, as suggested, with a note inside it, saying "So when can we come and see the baby, then?" (Subtle, that's the way to do it)

I’m sad for you Happygran and I’m sorry you have had to bear unkind remarks from agnurse. Just because you’d like to see your new grandson (it would be very odd if a grandmother didnt want to see their new grandchild), it doesn’t mean you’re unaware of DiL’s difficulties and it doesn’t make you a selfish person, as she seems to be implying.

Have you thought of cooking a meal or two for them and freezing them? You could text your son & see if you could just pop in with the food. Stress that there’d be no need for DiL to see you if she didn’t feel up to it or was busy with the baby.
I do hope you get to see them soon

I'm not sure how a visit from mum in law for half an hour would compromise all this recovery work from having a baby..

It's unfair to have the paternal GP's living just a couple of miles away, and have not yet given them the opportunity to see their GC agnurse.

What's annoying me is that yet again, a m.i.l. and GM is being seen as being unreasonable because she's still waiting to see her 3 week old GC, and in understandably hurt.

I'm glad your son thanked you for the gifts Happygran and I'm sorry I miss read your post.