Still not met three week old grandson.

gillybob ????

Babyshark it isn’t about you and YOUR birthing experience. This thread is, or rather was, about the OP wondering why she wasn’t being allowed to see her new grandson. It’s obviously veered off and has become something altogether different and, quite frankly, bizarre.

I doubt the OP will return now so it’s probably about time the thread ended. I, for one, won’t be contributing anymore.

“Yes of course dear.....why not....if your friends have all got it ( and the other granny) then of course you should have it too “

For all those posters who say it is not fair

What did you reply to your kids when they were asking for a toy another kid had?
Or they wanted the same piece of clothing that their friends had?
Same sneakers in fashion?

What did you reply to them?

tickingbird you can minimise my experiences just like we can dismiss all the reasons dil and son may have for the decision they have made. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t real for some of us. Some people have truly awful birthing experiences and get over them. Some woman could have a far lesser physically traumatic birth but take much longer to recover, physically and emotionally.

The fact that ops son is supporting his wife could suggest he’s whipped or it could suggest he’s supporting his wife through some very difficult times. We don’t know and it’s easy to be cynical - doesn’t help op though.

Therefore I take caution before being critical. Doesn’t mean I don’t feel for happygran - I really do.

Best case scenario DIL has gone through a major life changing event. Worse case scenario she is severely injured and traumatised. I had 2 children and had both scenarios.

You could be describing people misfortunate enough to have had terrible accidents and been left with life changing injuries not someone who has had a baby 4 weeks ago.

No wonder the OP hasn’t returned. Reading through some of this nonsense must be pretty traumatic for her!

Or the 3rd scenario

Best case scenario DIL has gone through a major life changing event. Worse case scenario she is severely injured and traumatised. I had 2 children and had both scenarios.

We can all say what we think dil should do but we haven’t lived her experiences therefore criticising her choices is unfair.

I feel for Happygran and hope by now she has had many cuddles. But she is and should always be secondary in this. Whether we think the DiL is justified is irrelevant. It’s the parents choice and from the OP it’s seems they both agree with it.

The only thing the OP can do is try her best to remain patient and remember it’s not about grannys and aunties and uncles and what’s fair and what’s not. Our opinion of fair is so far from relevant, all we can do is empathise with OPs feelings and put things into perspective, she has a beautiful grandchild who she will have years to love (nothing to suggest from what ops son has said that suggests visits will never happen, they are just not ready now). This is about a mum, dad and new baby.

I suspect outsidedave was referring to suggestions that dad take the baby to his parents or mum wait upstairs whilst baby is downstairs.

With my second I would have happily allowed this but with my first, I was anxious and Ill and would have crumbled at the thought of not being physically close to my newborn. My point being everyone and every birth is different and it’s understandable and acceptable if the mum was not comfortable with being at all seperated from her baby.

tickingbird, I agree that there's some ridiculous comments on here. Pointless personal attacks from people who, it seems, have no experience whatsoever of family life - very odd indeed. We've not heard from the OP and I'm not surprised at all about that either!

Separating a mother from her newborn

What on Earth?

Does this include grandma visiting for a few minutes OutsideDave ?

This thread is getting more crazy by the minute !

message OutsideDave Wed 12-Feb-20 17:14:38
Separating a mother from her newborn is what’s cruel. Especially to meet the whims of extended family.

This thread has become rather farcical. I’m sure the OP would have mentioned any horrendous injury to her DIL. The woman has given birth. I did it 3 times and almost died 1st and 3rd time and my MIL saw my baby on the same day. My first one was 2 month’s premature and was kept in neo natal for a month. I bonded with my baby and didn’t suffer because someone else picked him up.

When I read some of the threads on these forums I do think some of the posters are possibly trolls because some of them manage to attack any OP no matter how innocuous the opening post is,

If the OP is reading this I hope you’ve seen your new grandson and had a cuddle. I hope your dil isn’t too traumatised at you touching him and please be assured YOU are quite normal in feeling miffed that you’ve had to wait so long. Good luck going forward. I wish you well.

Paddyanne, I am remembering what it was like for me, that's the whole point of my posts! It would not have occured to me to not let my husband's parents see the new baby - they (and my close family) saw both of our children within 48 hours of me giving birth, that to me is completely normal and I didn't mind at all. I had lots of stitches and was sat on a circular inflatable ring for a few days, never got the hang of breastfeeding, but tried for a few weeks. All completely normal setbacks. I never got on with my MIL, (no one did!) but respected that she was my husband's mother, my children's grandparent. If I couldn't bare to be in the same room as her (which never happened) I would expect my husband to show them the baby whilst I was upstairs etc. I would have felt guilty letting my own family see the baby and not my husband's.

My friend had it happen to her.

She tore horrendously, she had to have surgery down there to put it 'right' just because it's rare doesn't mean it doesnt happen. It does.

Most women tear when you're in labour. Its normal and common, atleast that's what I was told by my midwife.

My point is, no one knows what or why OP has been made to wait this long. No one knows. There could be hundreds of reasons, complications during labour could be one of them.

"Separating a mother from her new born" for goodness sake OutsideDave how is a visit from the paternal GP's which may or may not include a cuddle, which IMO it should, separating a mother from her new born?

The baby is now 4 weeks old, and as far as we know the OP still hasn't been to see him.

Yes tickingbird* and GrannyLaine some of the comments are unbelievable aren't they.

tickingbird I quite agree. Some utterly ridiculous posting. No wonder Happygran hasn't been back to comment.

Happygran did say her son thanked her for the pram(I think) shouldn't a thank you from one of the parents be sufficient?Her DIL is having a tough time and when she feels better and able to cope with extra folk in her home I'm sure the OP will be invited .
Its adifficult path to tread being a MIL sometimes,my new GD's mother has a mum of her own and 3 sisters and I've taken a step back as this is a first GC for her side .Doesn't mean I'm not interested or dont care .I told them I'm here if they need me ,anytime but that I'm happy to let her mum be her first port of call ..Sometimes only your own mum will do when theres a new baby around .Try to remember how it was for you

Separating a mother from her newborn is what’s cruel. Especially to meet the whims of extended family.

It happens, it's an actual injury that most women have when giving birth.

What nonsense. Most women do not have such horrendous injuries after giving birth. Some of the posts on this thread are unbelievable and very nasty.

I can’t believe this is still going! It must be four weeks by now. Hopefully, the OP has seen him by now.

I'm sorry but I just don't get it. Whether the mother is ill/tired/doesn't like her in laws, or is just point scoring, it shouldn't mean that one set of grandparents get to see the new baby and not the other. The baby has two parents; if the mother is indisposed or just doesn't want to see her in laws, then the father should sort a visit out. It is the most natural thing in the world to want to be introduced to a new grandchild, as the OP's daughter in law will find out for herself when she becomes a grandparent!

March I'm a retired midwife. I'm perfectly aware of what a 4th degree tear is, and I can tell you that it is very rare and is NOT an injury "that most women have when giving birth" Neither is it a reasonable assumption.

Equally she could have a high level of anxiety about everything right now.

She could be seeing her dr about it or not, and she could be unwilling to share that information.

Or perhaps she’s just trying to cut MIL out. We just don’t know.

It’s unkind to just assume the worst of her though. So many expect DIL to be generous to OP. Where is the grace for her?

That's the point.

It happens, it's an actual injury that most women have when giving birth.
She could very well have that.
I cringed typing it out, imagine saying it out loud to your Mum about your Wife.

March crude and uncalled for. And total conjecture.