Still not met three week old grandson.

I assure you I don't pout or make any fuss, you have a different perspective as your relationship is with your daughter. Be kind .

But why does it matter how much the other grandparents see your grandchildren. What If you didn’t know how often they had visits. It literally has no bearing on your life or your relationships whatsoever. It’s actually none of your business who your sons and their families see and how often. The only thing that matters is when they are with you. You are the maker and master of your own unhappiness. You say your sons include you, you clearly did a good job with them and you are part of their lives. That’s what matters.

That is what I'm saying , years of folk saying shame you've got boys you won't see as much of your grandchildren, girls gravitate towards their mothers.
It's a fact I know but it hurts.
I'd never show it to the family. I shared it here as I hoped for some kind words to support me.

I don’t think Silver14’s saying the gender of her grandchild matters at all. She’s making the point that she’s a paternal grandmother, due to the gender of her own children.

Our DD's In-laws see the DGC more than we do. They are their first and only and they are younger and fitter than us.
Occasionally I hear the odd grumble about them but I say "shoosh, be grateful that you have such a great relationship".

We DGP live quite near each other so when they come to stay, they stay with his parents because it is all set up for them and get waited on hand and foot!

I hope the OP has seen the baby now. Sending good vibes.

My heart is breaking , I'm a mother of 3 sons, I didn't choose their gender they are my world. I have a granddaughter now, as much as they include me I cry and wait for the crumbs off the table

Silver you say much as they include me -so what are you complaining about?
Why is your heart “breaking” and what difference does the gender of your grandchild make to how you feel about her?
I apologise if this sounds harsh, but if this is your attitude when you are with your sons and their families , they are going to wonder.
Crumbs off the table - that does not sound healthy.

Op I’m very much of the view that new mothers have earned the right to take whatever time and space they need. That being said it would have to be a serious issue for me to have denied my Mil a visit for that long. We have a respectful relationship now but a difficult past, even then I would have felt guilty if I didn’t do all I could to facilitate even a short visit. I hope you have seen the baby by now and have had to some lovely newborn cuddles. I also hope your dil is ok as I assume she is having a very difficult time.

Silver - why in heaven do you think you get crumbs? Because you see less of her than the maternal grandmother? Why compare, it’s madness! Do you see you granddaughter? Does your son send you occasional photos? What more do you want?

My mum is part of my social circle so therefore sees far more of my children than my mil ( who only has sons). My mil knows this and respects it. Because she has never been dramatic Or competitive, if she ever felt she was being excluded I would respect her because she has been so reasonable. If she ever started pouting about me hanging out with my own mum I would lose all respect for her. Please try to reframe it and just enjoy what time you do get to spend with granddaughter- if you can’t and continue with this attitude you may well find the time you do have starts to lessen.

My heart is breaking , I'm a mother of 3 sons, I didn't choose their gender they are my world. I have a granddaughter now, as much as they include me I cry and wait for the crumbs off the table. Second fiddle. I read today it says the child that's important not me so I'll take a deep breath and enjoy the bits I get.

My money is still on other things going on behind the scenes.
The feeding thing might just be one reason, the less intrusive one that the Son might be ok in sharing.
Making the DIL/MIL the villain isn't helping anyone.

We just don't know.

Naty, you said ... The OP, however, lives down the street from DIL and their relationship _isn't good_ ...

Perhaps you didn't read these previous posts from happygran1964...

As I said I understand that she wants her family around her....

^I love my daughters in law, all three of them; not in the way I love my own daughter naturally but I do my very best to treat them all the same as each other and I lean over backwards to be supportive but to remain in the background.
I never press my opinions or offer advice and I think I am a good MIL in all honesty but yes I am upset at the moment^

For the record I actually get on really well with the other granny, we are all good friends but I don't feel comfortable talking about our children behind their backs

Maybe I'm wrong, but those statements don't sound to me like a family whose relationship 'isn't good'. On the contrary, I'd say it sounds like they've enjoyed a pretty good relationship so far. And, hopefully, I'm sure this is just a little blip which they will overcome.

I would speak to your son directly and ask if there is a reason they do not want you to visit and then ask when they think you will be able to visit. Maybe offer to bring lunch or dinner to the new parents, they may be so overwhelmed with caring for the new little one that they do not realize how much time has gone by already. I realize this is heartbreaking and feels like you are missing an opportunity to bond with the baby, but I promise you will still bond and make wonderful memories with your grandchild in the years to come. Try to look at the big picture, you are in this for the long haul.

I think having invited guests from another country could be different, especially if the mother had no feeding issues and there was a start and end date. Plus, you have a good relationship with DIL, Farmor15. The OP, however, lives down the street from DIL and their relationship isn't great, plus she's dealing with feeding issues AND she already has help. I'm assuming the OP's DIL thinks "she can come any time since she lives 5 minutes away" so there isnt a huge push for her to be accommodating at the moment.

It's no wonder that the OP hasn't been back. Her thread has burgeoned into a debate about her and her DiL's needs and wants; and other posters' experience in similar or dissimilar circumstances. Has any of this been helpful?

WinnieB you talkin' to me?

WinnieB - I phoned friend yesterday and asked if I could visit with another friend- was I wrong or “entitled”? There’s another friend I drop in to visit without even asking.

When 1st grandchild (son’s baby) was born in another country, OH and I visited when baby was a month old and stayed for a week ( I think we were invited before baby was born). As soon as we arrived, baby was handed to me. ?Having read some posts here about mils, I wondered were we too pushy and actually asked dil recently especially as I always help with cooking, shopping etc when visiting and maybe this might be too intrusive. Apparently she’s quite happy with our relationship - I think she’s delighted when someone else comes to help.

@Annpl asking for an invite to someone else’s house is degrading? Do you honestly believe that you have the right to visit whom ever whenever you want? That’s the very definition of entitlement.

Nope - I don’t do conjecture, I’ve already told you. You should stop the what ifs, your imagination is tying itself up in knots.

If she, sorey

Ok, I am game

Why would she go to approach no. 2 if he already tried no. 1?

Don’t ‘guess’ Hithere - that falls under the heading of conjecture. It seems as if you’re intent on calling the OP a liar which is a shame and serves no purpose.

Anne

You mean asking for a visit is degrading? I am not sure I understood your post

Hithere that approach is so degrading for th. I would not recommend begging. I definitely wouldn't do it. I have too much self respect. You have a strange attitude I think.

HappyGran hasn’t been back.

Perhaps we should all stop now until we hear from her? Maybe she’s been visiting even as we posted.
?

Will not help the case