Still not met three week old grandson.

If she had tried the first one, i guess she didn't get the answer she wanted so she went through the second option.

A more forceful demand will not the case when you already didn't get the answer you wanted the first time you asked

And how do we not know the OP hasn’t already tried the 1st approach ?

I am so glad I never had to beg to see my grandchildren for the first time after a month . So sad for the OP .

You only get denied of something that is your right

Cuddles are not a right. Visits are not a right. They are privileges

There is a huge difference:
1. Please let us know how can we help and see you guys, just want to take a peek.
Vs
2. It is already 3 weeks! I have been waiting long enough! Tell me when i can cuddle my gc for an hour

Very different approaches to the same purpose- meeting her gc.

Number 1 has way higher chances of success than no. 2

Why the Quotes around mother?

Dil is the mother.

But did you tell her to stay away trisher? If she had asked to come for a visit would you have said no ? That’s the difference .

It has just occurred to me that my MIL didn't see any of my children until they were at least a month old. My mum on the other hand came and stayed each time for a week and helped, so held them when they were a few days old.. She lived further away than MIL. I really didn't think I might be hurting my MIL I do hope she wasn't hurt. It was certainly not intentional. Your DIL may just be being a bit thoughtless and focussed entirely on the baby.

There are 672 hours in 4 weeks . Are you really suggesting that “the mother” is nursing every one of these hours Norah ?
I don’t think the OP ever meant that she wants to cuddle her grandchild for a whole hour anyway , but denying her even a few minutes is just plain cruel .

GrannyLaine and gillybob OP does have a distinct wants that may not match those to her dil. I don’t understand why we can’t just pop round for an hour for a cuddle. An hour is a century whilst nursing. Just an opinion.

I’m beginning to realise how blessed I am with my DiL.
When she and DS had DGD1, we flew to America when DGD was 2.5 weeks old and stayed for two weeks.
DDiL and DS gave every appearance of being grateful for the shopping, cooking, laundry and getting up in the night to give GD a bottle, that we did during that time.

But presumably that would just have annoyed the hell out of some of the, dare I say it, entitled young posters who have come on here to have a good rant about their in-laws.

Happygran we’re all thinking of you and hoping you see your DGS very soon

Or the MN perennial favourite which is not always used in a complimentary way Urm - pfb (precious first born)!

I agree with everything you said at 16:42 Granny. I’m not a gran, my kids are nowhere near the baby producing stage, but even I’m a bit surprised at the GPs being told to stay away for 4 weeks, given there doesn’t appear to be a falling out or distance between them from what the OP says.

Crossed posts SirChenjin. You put it much more succinctly!

Norah it becomes inappropriate when posters pile in without having properly read or understood what the OP has asked and then criticise harshly, based on what they think they have read. This thread has many examples of people who fail to acknowledge any perspective except their own. Upthread, I made the point that with the little information given, there is little that can be said to help Happygran without knowing a bit more about her situation. She hasn't been back for a while.

It’s a day off 4 weeks now! Bluddy ridiculous in my opinion. Precious new mummy much?
Jeez.

It’s not appropriate Norah because other stories which have accused the OP of being entitled and so on are based on nothing more than conjecture.

Entitled is catchphrase for OP unreasonably wanting what she wants when she wants

What on earth do you mean Norah?

The OP has (in my opinion) behaved with the utmost of dignity and patience . I would have thought that a grandmother wanting to see her own grandchild was human instinct.

Everyone posts to their own view and adds their own opinions and stories, why is that not appropriate? Entitled is catchphrase for OP unreasonably wanting what she wants when she wants.

I keep popping on hoping for good news from Happygran. Thinking about you and hoping you'll get to see your GC soon.

Good post Nansnet and I agree that this thread appears to have been hijacked. Hopefully the OP will have some good news when she comes back to the thread.

A good post Grannylaine

And that is the point- there has to be ‘love, respect and caring’ on both sides. Despite the insistence of some folks here, sadly many folks do not experience love, respect and caring postpartum from their Mils.

I agree that some do not experience positive care from relatives post partum ...from their own parents possibly or from their in-laws. Families and relationships are so different.

But although it MAY be that there is more to this than we are told on the information we do have, I think it is wrong to advise the OP based on conjecture or ones own negative experiences. She has been accused of being over bearing, selfish, demanding and a heck of a lot more and nothing in her OP, expressing her sadness at not yet meeting her grandchild suggests any of those things.

So although I dont agree with posters saying 3 weeks is reasonable, that is not because I dont accept that people have negative experiences post partum with relatives! The one does not automatically mean the other

Just popped back in to see if there is any good news, and see things have gotten quite heated.

I haven read everything, but I’d just like to add that Nansnet is spot on again, a lovely thoughtful post.

@WinnieB, I really don't think there is any need for profanities when trying to express yourself. With all due respect, your experience with your MiL does not relate in any way to the OP. Obviously, sometimes, families do not see eye to eye for whatever reason, and they find themselves in difficult circumstances like yourself. But, as far as we know, with the information given, that is not the case for the OP. On the contrary, I'm sure I read way back in the post that she has a decent relationship with DS & DiL, and also with the maternal GM. So, in that respect, it does seem very strange, and hurtful, for the OP to have been excluded from so much as a quick peek at her new GC.

I fully appreciate that most new mothers don't want a whole load of visitors descending upon on them soon after giving birth, but a quick visit from BOTH sets of grandparents is hardly a major intrusion.

Can we just make it clear here that not ALL grandparents are demanding, overbearing, and only interested in our own wants and needs. Most of us actually WANT what's best for our children, and grandchildren. It's a shame that some people, it seems, have not been blessed with caring parents, but that is not the case for everyone.

And, can we also make it quite clear that maternal grandparents are also in-laws too, and it is not always the paternal grandparents who may sometimes cause issues within a family. Many sons have issues with their MiL too.

It is nice to read the many posts from daughters-in-law, and mothers-in-law, who do have good relationships with each other. It shows that we are not all bad people, but sadly some seem to think that we are all the same.

I do hope happygran1964 has some happy news for us soon.

And that is the point- there has to be ‘love, respect and caring’ on both sides. Despite the insistence of some folks here, sadly many folks do not experience love, respect and caring postpartum from their Mils. For every friend I have who did (and they are so fortunate) I have at least one who didn’t. It’s not as isolated an experience as folks are making it out to be, hence why I suspect there is more than what op has told us going on in this relationship.

@WinnieB
The words you seem not to have understood in my post are love, respect and caring.

I don’t think you will Mike
I’d try a dating site if I were you.

Reported.