To insist he doesn’t go to look after the grandkids

Is your husband likely to receive a letter from the NHS in the next few days, in which case the decision would be out of his hands.
Could you look after the children for a few hours; I am assuming you are under seventy?
I agree with Craftygran that as the father is not your son, best to leave the decision to your husband and not interfere.

No

Craftygran5 I think that is a thoughtful and balanced view and I'm inclined to agree with you.

Hello I'm new but I hope you don't mind me commenting. This is definitely a difficult dilemma. I really feel for you as it is a real rock and hard place. The only one thing I can think of is how much difference there is giving birth these days compared to 30 odd years ago when I did it. My eldest daughter had her second birth in hospital alone due to the midwife being in attendance at another birth and there weren't enough staff. My granddaughter was mostly out by the time the midwife got in the room. Luckily her husband was there or she would have been completely alone in the birthing room for a long time apart from very quick checks. There are 12 midwives off work at my youngest daughters hospital so this situation will be seriously exacerbated. Also what happens if something goes wrong and decisions have to be made? My youngest says the situation my eldest faced is becoming more common given staff shortages. They also had my daughter leave the hospital 8 hours after birth. How will your SS collect his wife and new child?

I'd personally let your husband make his own choice here. You could permanently fracture your family pushing either option. Give your opinion by all means but remember if the wife or child do not come through this 100% OK and you insisted your husband not help, he and your SS may never forgive you. Birth is still not easy despite being mostly safer. Husbands in the room has been common practice for a long time now, mine was certainly at my births. Perhaps you can insist on the family completely isolating and any illness symptoms and your husband won't go. Him also leaving immediately upon his son and daughter in laws return with no touching or contact? It's not perfect but it could mitigate the risk somewhat? Otherwise perhaps try and help them get alternative childcare? I'm sorry you find yourself in this awful situation.

I'm afraid you and your DH have to put yourselves first on this occasion. I know it's hard when your children are involved but tbh your stepson should never have put his dad in this situation.

Yes I have suggested that a close friend helps. Her mother is 4 hours away and was planning on coming up to help for a week anyway, before COVID19 kicked off so they may ask her, she is younger than us but not sure if she has any health conditions.

Absolutely not!!

Your DH is on the danger list and therefore should put himself first. Your stepson is being totally unreasonable and thoughtless. Can't the wife's family or any of their friends help? I gave birth alone (well with midwives) when DH didn't manage to get to the hospital on time. Women have been doing that forever. It's only recently that husbands/boyfriends etc have been allowed in the delivery room.

I gave birth to three children totally on my own each time it’s not impossible
Your husband isn’t fit enough if his son is determined to be at the birth then they need a home birth or hire a baby sitter

I can’t believe his son would ask, No No No

A great big NO from me. He 'has heart disease/angina' so is at very high risk. I'm surprised that his son would even consider asking!

Nobody should be put into this sort of situation right now and because there are already 3 children at home, it's where the dad should be as he's " seen it all before " regardless of what an exciting and emotional time it is, the onus shouldn't be on someone else to look after the other children while this health crisis is going on.

The whole idea is to keep families in their own cocoon away from parents who are vulnerable. By not abiding by the rules given out means that it will continue to spread. Your SS won't be the only one who's in that situation so let common sense prevail and tell him to stay with his family while you carry on isolating.