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To insist he doesn’t go to look after the grandkids

(13 Posts)
ladytina42 Sun 22-Mar-20 12:09:32

Stepson and wife baby due in 2 weeks. They already have 3 kids under 7 year olds. Stepson wants his Dad, my OH, to look after the kids whilst he takes wife to hospital to give birth.

Due to The current state of the country I am not happy about this. OH is mid 60s and has heart disease/angina which he has medication for.

OH has not made a decision but AIBU to be foaming that he is even thinking of going? I do not want him to risk getting COVID 19 anymore than is reasonably possible. Neither do I want him to risk bringing it home to me.

I’m pretty mad about it, of course I understand SS wants to be at birth of his child but lots of people give birth without their partners there. Not ideal I know but neither is the situation we are in right now.

Opinions please.

EllanVannin Sun 22-Mar-20 12:39:29

Nobody should be put into this sort of situation right now and because there are already 3 children at home, it's where the dad should be as he's " seen it all before " regardless of what an exciting and emotional time it is, the onus shouldn't be on someone else to look after the other children while this health crisis is going on.

The whole idea is to keep families in their own cocoon away from parents who are vulnerable. By not abiding by the rules given out means that it will continue to spread. Your SS won't be the only one who's in that situation so let common sense prevail and tell him to stay with his family while you carry on isolating.

Hetty58 Sun 22-Mar-20 12:47:42

A great big NO from me. He 'has heart disease/angina' so is at very high risk. I'm surprised that his son would even consider asking!

TrendyNannie6 Sun 22-Mar-20 13:02:07

I can’t believe his son would ask, No No No

BlueBelle Sun 22-Mar-20 13:06:16

I gave birth to three children totally on my own each time it’s not impossible
Your husband isn’t fit enough if his son is determined to be at the birth then they need a home birth or hire a baby sitter

vampirequeen Sun 22-Mar-20 13:11:19

Your DH is on the danger list and therefore should put himself first. Your stepson is being totally unreasonable and thoughtless. Can't the wife's family or any of their friends help? I gave birth alone (well with midwives) when DH didn't manage to get to the hospital on time. Women have been doing that forever. It's only recently that husbands/boyfriends etc have been allowed in the delivery room.

Madgran77 Sun 22-Mar-20 13:15:07

Absolutely not!!

ladytina42 Sun 22-Mar-20 13:19:05

Yes I have suggested that a close friend helps. Her mother is 4 hours away and was planning on coming up to help for a week anyway, before COVID19 kicked off so they may ask her, she is younger than us but not sure if she has any health conditions.

vampirequeen Sun 22-Mar-20 13:24:40

I'm afraid you and your DH have to put yourselves first on this occasion. I know it's hard when your children are involved but tbh your stepson should never have put his dad in this situation.

Craftygran5 Sun 22-Mar-20 14:26:00

Hello I'm new but I hope you don't mind me commenting. This is definitely a difficult dilemma. I really feel for you as it is a real rock and hard place. The only one thing I can think of is how much difference there is giving birth these days compared to 30 odd years ago when I did it. My eldest daughter had her second birth in hospital alone due to the midwife being in attendance at another birth and there weren't enough staff. My granddaughter was mostly out by the time the midwife got in the room. Luckily her husband was there or she would have been completely alone in the birthing room for a long time apart from very quick checks. There are 12 midwives off work at my youngest daughters hospital so this situation will be seriously exacerbated. Also what happens if something goes wrong and decisions have to be made? My youngest says the situation my eldest faced is becoming more common given staff shortages. They also had my daughter leave the hospital 8 hours after birth. How will your SS collect his wife and new child?

I'd personally let your husband make his own choice here. You could permanently fracture your family pushing either option. Give your opinion by all means but remember if the wife or child do not come through this 100% OK and you insisted your husband not help, he and your SS may never forgive you. Birth is still not easy despite being mostly safer. Husbands in the room has been common practice for a long time now, mine was certainly at my births. Perhaps you can insist on the family completely isolating and any illness symptoms and your husband won't go. Him also leaving immediately upon his son and daughter in laws return with no touching or contact? It's not perfect but it could mitigate the risk somewhat? Otherwise perhaps try and help them get alternative childcare? I'm sorry you find yourself in this awful situation.

GrannyLaine Sun 22-Mar-20 16:54:47

Craftygran5 I think that is a thoughtful and balanced view and I'm inclined to agree with you.

suziewoozie Sun 22-Mar-20 17:16:44


eazybee Sun 22-Mar-20 18:18:36

Is your husband likely to receive a letter from the NHS in the next few days, in which case the decision would be out of his hands.
Could you look after the children for a few hours; I am assuming you are under seventy?
I agree with Craftygran that as the father is not your son, best to leave the decision to your husband and not interfere.