To not do unecessary errands just because Im not shielding?

I know I am rather off tangent here but this is when ‘doing the right thing‘ with elderly relations is totally frustrating. We actively encouraged our daughter of 41 years to phone an elderly uncle who lives on his own (no immediate family) despite her feeling totally inadequate and undermined by him historically, after having a conversation. After their conversation he berated her and found fault (despite the fact she has been brought up to respect her elders). She is a good mother, daughter and wife but was made to feel totally inadequate and like sh.t under a shoe after this conversation. We must stand up to this behaviour from elderlies who think they can talk however they like to the younger generation - because “well, we are family”! It is NOT on and we regret encouraging our daughter to maintain contact.

I suppose if someone was going to the corner shop, the butcher and M&S to shop for themselves, then that is fine, GrauntyHelen, if they have offered.
They don't sound like fads, they do sound like essential food. Does she not have a freezer? Could they buy extra when they go and then she could freeze it.

If she keeps phoning people and asking them to go especially for her, then no.
Tesco have not had any eggs for weeks.

The other thing, of course, is that she may be getting forgetful or does not quite understand what is happening. Reading her the Riot Act seems rather unkind.
Perhaps you should care.

I’m on lock down. I have been out four times in 10 weeks. Both short trips by car. Everything else has been delivered. I wouldn’t dream of asking people to run errands for me.

I have read my elderly Aunt the riot act she has folk running around to various shops as if all was normal -a weekly shop from TESCO but eggs from corner shop meat from butcher but chicken from MANDS I have told her that every time she sends someone on these errands she is risking them getting infected just for her fads She wasnt pleased I don't care

Life will never be normal again- We can't even develop accurate testing no less a vaccine-

But I want a trinket! Signed, sealed, delivered!

I feel like Im also going to be the "mean one" after lockdown when I dont suddenly think its a good idea for everyone from our families all over the country to be having big get togethers

Yes we miss them. But we will still be risk minimising for a long while after lockdown officially ends.

What worries me is the people agreeing to do these small non essential errands for my family members are probably also doing so for half the street, thinking theyre doing good deeds but actually they could be spreading it amongst the most vulnerable!

Im not being mean when I say Ill get essentials for neighbours but thats it.
Yes Im scared of us getting it but its not just selfish reasons, I'm also scared of being the one who spreads it to others.

Yes. I have a shielding friend who developed ifter 3 1/2 weeks in. Not been out at all. No shopping. No dog walking. No outside the house exercise.

Yes Ive heard of that too MayBee.

One of my relatives (not the letter writer in question) flags down passers by to take her letters to the letter box for her. She seems to think that shielding just means stay on your property, which she is technically doing, but she has all sorts of people coming and going for her. Still gets a daily paper newspaper. Has all sorts of people popping small things in rather than having weekly big deliveries. Chats over the fense to neighbours. That sort of thing. (They dont live alone)

I think DH and I actually shield more than her even though we go out for essentials because we have no unecessary deliveries, Chat to neighbours but dont forego the 2m rule just because theres a fense therr etc

It worries me that I’ve seen several reports of people that have been self isolating (or shielding: I get them mixed up) but have still caught the virus. Which must prove that you can pick it up from food deliveries or post etc?

If people will not even try to understand how to text or email or use WhatsApp then they have to live with the consequences of their decisions.

The letter writer can and does email and text. They dont do whatsapp

However they think because we can go to the post office, we should be going out and getting them treats and cards.

I mean CV doesnt care if youre "allowed" in the post office or not, does it?

Let off steam OP it’s completely understandable. Those criticisms of your patience wearing thin must come from saintly people because I think mist of us mere mortals are frustrated by someone or something at the moment. I would be angry if I received a letter like you did.

There are lots of people with CV risk factors too who arent in the shielding category, but are still at righer risk, so we're not all dancing down the isles during our weekly shop.

Nor will we all gleefully congregate as soon as lockdown has ended.

As I said way up thread I am worried for DH. His age, sex and weight seem to be worst hit. He is not in the shielding grouo but that makes it no less scary

I have asthmatic friends still going out to work. Im not going to add to their risk by going straight round their houses as soon as official lockdown ends

We are facing an indefinite stretch with just our household for real company.

There are pros and cons to that. Those isolating alone and those isolating in households all have tough times ahead.

Personally if I can help neighbours whilst I’m out that’s fine but I would not agree to go out specially to buy something or post a parcel for anyone.

I bought stamps online and ask our Postman to take any post or parcels I have. To save me going into a Post Office. Anyone can do this.

It’s not a great time for anyone, but some elderly shielded people are not being very reasonable. They have to understand that we are all in this together and we need to be very limited in our trips out etc. To protect us all.

If people will not even try to understand how to text or email or use WhatsApp then they have to live with the consequences of their decisions.

My 81 year old mum managed to work out how to FaceTime it’s not rocket science !

everybodys world has shrunk

In non shielding households, every essential errand could literally shrink your family.

There are no extra real freedoms for the non shielding. We dont see friends or family either. We get to go out and "risk" trips to the pharmacy or supermarket and that is really the only difference. We are all going through this.

I have done the phone version of smiling and nodding and now Ive been kicked in the teeth and Im not going.

Yes shielding is hard
So is regular lockdown.
So is working from home
So is having to go out to work
So is being furloughed
So is being self employed right now
So is being alone
So is managing small children or teens through lockdown
So is being single
So is having your relationship under a microscope because nobody can see friends or do hobbies to get some space

No, I actually AM done with being told by certain peope that lockdown is mainly happening to them.

And Im not going to do anything about it except blow off some steam

Its a minority who have been like this but today they got under my skin.

Maybe because they didnt just say it to me this time but wrote it to me DDs so thats got my mama bear back up and I am angry!

Notanan2 I really feel for you and how upset you are by this situation. I think the fact that your teens have been on the receiving end of it has made it all the worse for you. It sounds like your shielded relatives have become a little detached from reality during their incarceration and aren’t realising what’s going on out and about and how fearful that can be for those of us who have to go out for essentials. Make yourself a cuppa and break open a nice packet of biscuits if you have any and try not to stress any further. If you fancy something stronger than tea then go for it ?

Well, showing your true colours now!!
No wonder you have problems with elderly relatives.

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Some of the very elderly who are shielding fear they won’t get to see their grandchildren (or great grandchildren) ever again. Not for cuddles or sweet words in real life as some elderly people don’t have broadband, so don’t use the internet for virtual get together to ‘see’ these children. Imagine being in your late 80’s or early 90’s, with health issues, their family great distances apart and very little prospect for future get togethers. That knowledge must hurt.

And those grandchildren and greatgrandchildren and their parents who arent shielding are thinking and feeling the exact same things about them, so still no, the world has shrunk for everyone. The non shielders world isnt any bigger right now than the shielders.

Personally I have some older relatives making "end of lockdown get together" plans and I'm thinking we shouldnt go! Not because we dont miss them but what if we went, and were the ones to infect them?

When can we see them without the fear that we could be the ones who infect them? Certainly not as soon as lockdown ends, so when?

notanan, so you have lost patience with older shielding people.

I was trying to be sympathetic and helpful.
Now I ask myself. why I should bother as my patience is becoming stretched.

I think you could be the bigger person, choose your words and get them see that letters are just not appropriate at the moment.

We're all anxious, some of us may not see our DC and DGC for years now, if ever again, if they live overseas.

notanan2
?

Actually though notanan2 your comment So Im sorry but this notion that the world has shrunk most for those shielding, I've lost patience with it. seems a bit harsh.

Some of the very elderly who are shielding fear they won’t get to see their grandchildren (or great grandchildren) ever again. Not for cuddles or sweet words in real life as some elderly people don’t have broadband, so don’t use the internet for virtual get together to ‘see’ these children. Imagine being in your late 80’s or early 90’s, with health issues, their family great distances apart and very little prospect for future get togethers. That knowledge must hurt.

If they want a letter, I think I'd be inclined to print off this thread in its entirety and post it to them. They are in serious need of a reality check.


Another thing my imaginary sassy self will do

Good grief, I am gobsmacked by their attitude. Do they really think they are the only ones at risk?

If they want a letter, I think I'd be inclined to print off this thread in its entirety and post it to them. They are in serious need of a reality check.

Thats alright Urmstongran, I am unreasonably wound up/irked by this one person and just venting