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To not do unecessary errands just because Im not shielding?

(71 Posts)
notanan2 Mon 20-Apr-20 15:35:58

We are not in the total shielding category.

We still don't want to catch or spread CV19.

Im particularly worried for DH. He isnt officially in the shielding category but is the age and weight and sex that seems to get hit worst.

We are therefore doing our own errands. We keep these to essentials. Food, medicine, and posting things that needed signatures only.

We have recieved a lot of post during lockdown from shielding relatives who have had others go out and buy them things that they then get others to go and post for them.

Okay. Thats their choice. We have thanked them by phone/text/whatsapp but no posted thank you notes.

We have kept in touch with family digitally. We have made special videos and group calls for milestones etc.

We HAVE to go out to get our own prescriptions etc ourselves and we are glad to get home and get everything sanitised.

Anyway the girls and I have had a nasty letter from a shielding relative about us not writing to them. Apparently we should, as they are shielding and we are not so it is inconsiderate of us to not write to them. They are shielding after all.
They are not on whatsapp etc (fine, their choice)
They dont believe that texting or calling counts.
They have praised their own efforts in getting other people to go out and post their letters to us

AIBU to think that not being officially shielding doesnt make you immune to CV19. And going out is a worry. And we are not UR to NOT post things other than documents where docusign isnt available?

People who chose to not count text/calls as making an effort do not get to DEMAND that we risk ourselves or our community to become their isolation penpals!

I am just so annoyed.
CV19 isnt just happening to the shielding group. We are all on lockdown. Including those of us going out for essentials

AIBU to stop bothering with the texts and calls since they apparently dont count?

Tangerine Mon 20-Apr-20 15:49:47

I think your relatives are in the wrong and should not have sent the nasty letter.

I go out to the supermarket and shop for other people and, while there, I do post ordinary letters.

It's up to you. I don't see what's wrong with communicating on the phone or electronically but I imagine there are plenty of people who just are not able to do this for one reason or another.

rosecarmel Mon 20-Apr-20 15:53:37

Like I said to my son the other day, to me it appears to be business as usual regarding technology usage and attitude- But more so- Like ramped up on crack or meth-

me Me ME!

MamaCaz Mon 20-Apr-20 15:54:12

No, you are no being unreasonable. Your relative needs putting straight!

rosecarmel Mon 20-Apr-20 15:54:52


AGAA4 Mon 20-Apr-20 15:55:55

Hard to believe that people in the shielded group think that others can just run around as normal.
I don't think we should be posting unessential items. Chatty letters and cards can be done without.
Apart from someone having to go out, buy a card and then go to the post box what about the postmen? They have to continue working and handling mail, putting them at risk.

I am happy with phone calls and texts as this risks nobody.

Notanana. You are not being unreasonable!

notanan2 Mon 20-Apr-20 15:57:49

They are able. We phone. They just don't count that.

Also they wrote directly to my teen DDs as well as myself.

They want care packages. Not food and medicine, we made sure that essentials are organised for them. They want extras/treats to cheer them up because theyre shielding. Thats not just dropping a letter in an outdoor letter box, that sort of thing involves queueing!
And because they have sent other people out to do that sort of thing to send us treats, they dont get that its still a risky thing for non shielding people to do!

Thing is we're not even treating ourselves at the moment. We just want shopping to be over as quick as possible.

E.g. easter: girls got whatever easter eggs we could grab on our usual shop: no special requests or shopping around for X brand of chocolate.

Just because we CAN go out does not mean we are doing or buying whatever we would normally fancy!

Im sounding miserly now but Im not we still celebrate, we just dont shop around or make extra trips to do so IYKWIM.

rosecarmel Mon 20-Apr-20 16:03:01

Pish! .. Send her a slice of Minny Jackson pie .. HAahahaha

Eglantine21 Mon 20-Apr-20 16:03:58

I know how you feel.

I had a text today from an elderly friend to tell me a parcel is on its way. She got some one to buy the treat and somebody else to go and post it and, of course, the post will have to handle and deliver it.

And she’ll want a Thank you note.

My head is in my hands.....l.l

notanan2 Mon 20-Apr-20 16:04:05

Hard to believe that people in the shielded group think that others can just run around as normal.

They have a bunch of good samaritans running around getting them whatever they want (not just what they need) and they have had those people post us packages so dont see why we dont want run around the place themselves.

Personally I am helping neighbours with essentials but would not agree to go gift shopping/posting for them. Some people are clearly willing to go buy nic nacks for them but that doesnt equate with all non shielding people being safe or willing to do the same.

I think I would be less angry if they hadnt written to the girls about it.
Teens are going through a lot at the moment too. They arent shielding, but have their own CV19 crosses to bear!

Nobody gets to have a monopoly on CV19 just because of their category

M0nica Mon 20-Apr-20 16:08:12

notanan people as daft as your relatives do not deserve a reply. Why not complain and say you only accept letters if they are sent by pigeon post because of concerns about how many people with the virus might handle a letter in transit through the post?

A communication is a communication is a communication, whether emailed, texted, done over the phone, sent by pigeon, or carried by a runner running the whole way, or written by hand or typed and posted.

notanan2 Mon 20-Apr-20 16:08:45

Eglantine exactly that.

We have had a LOT of post from various shilding people (and barely any from anyone else) who have had others do it for them. So clearly a lot of people who are shielding think all non shielding people are business as usual!

Up until now we have just graciously thanked them all digitally/by phone

I know its only ONE of them who has been nasty but it has really deflated me.

We have I think been understanding about how hard it must be to be shielding and have made extra calls etc but where is the understanding for those of us who HAVE to go out for oursrlves? Thats a trauma too!

notanan2 Mon 20-Apr-20 16:14:29

I've had the girls acting like performing seals on SM sending everyone messages and thank yous etc

They are self conscious teens but have done it because we thought it was important at the moment...

I know in my head that most people will have appreciated its just one selfish person but the wind is out of my sails now.

AGAA4 Mon 20-Apr-20 16:15:01

You are right Notanan. CV19 can affect anyone not just the shielded ones.
To put others at risk to bring essential food is bad enough but to ask them to risk their health/lives for non-essentials is extremely unreasonable.
And I have teenage grandchildren so I understand that their lives are not easy at present so extra problems unwelcome to say the least!

notanan2 Mon 20-Apr-20 16:17:37

I also feel bad because the girls had to read it. They dont appear to care but you cant always tell with teens.

Both letters came together. I had assumed they were both friendly so gave them theirs while I read mine

I just dont need this. Am trying to keep the households spirits up.

notanan2 Mon 20-Apr-20 16:20:20

"me Me ME!"

There is a bit of CV19 Top trumps going on for sure Rosecaramel

There is no one unaffected.

Urmstongran Mon 20-Apr-20 16:25:21

Least said, soonest mended I suppose. Don’t bite back.
Be nice (even though fuming).

nanaK54 Mon 20-Apr-20 16:25:29

notanan your relatives are being utterly ridiculous

My DH is on 'the list' so we are both staying in obviously, we do not want or expect anyone to run around after us, perish the thought

flowers for you and your girls

M0nica Mon 20-Apr-20 16:28:13

I have been in communication with friends and family a lot over the last three weeks. I have not received a single letter.

AGAA4 Mon 20-Apr-20 16:29:27

I am sure you are doing a good job Notanan. There have been people who have upset one of my grandchildren and as you say you can do without these people.
We all have enough to cope with without selfish people thinking they are the priority.

Starblaze Mon 20-Apr-20 16:33:01

No not unreasonable at all. They are being very unreasonable expecting you to take on any level of risk for a letter or a parcel. I would absolutely not expect anyone to send me anything right now and I won't be sending a thing, we are working. When people show you who they are, believe them.

trisher Mon 20-Apr-20 16:34:06

I haven't had letters either. Do people still write them? Maybe you should lie and say you sent one but the post is very unreliable because of the virus. Alternatively you could just bin their letter and pretend it never came and keep texting or not depending on how you feel about them. They don't sound very nice people to me.

notanan2 Mon 20-Apr-20 16:35:29

Least said, soonest mended I suppose. Don’t bite back. Be nice (even though fuming).

I will be.
I'm just bloody deflated by it.
These days it takes less than usual to cause upset.

There are others who I call regularly who havent been nasty BUT all they talk about on the phone is how THEY are shielding and them them them and yes I did call and I did ask but to not get asked after in return is exhausting.

It's NOT everyone. Some shielding people have been great/ mutually supportive.

I just WANT to throw a big tantrum and say "stuff you all" after the letters.
But I won't I'll moan at you lot instead flowers

notanan2 Mon 20-Apr-20 16:37:08

I haven't had letters either.

They've mostly been sent to the DDs from people who are shielding.

Less so for DH and I

Hetty58 Mon 20-Apr-20 16:37:44

notanan2, some people! You always get the odd, selfish, entitled sort in any group of people.

What they should do is thank people for offers of help. They have no right to expect anything from you - at all - so just ignore them!