grandson punished by not being allowed to visit us.

Annepl, the point i was making was that whatever you feel about smacking, you cannot impose that view on any other parents, if they act within the law.
it is not your decision.
you seem to be rather proprietorial about grandchildren. i would urge caution, as this is the kind of thing that can annoy parents and lead to LC/NC.
and it is open to interpretation as to what treating a child with love actually means in practice. some people seem to think it means giving them everything and anything they want. others think it means keeping to a strict routine so they feel secure. you can only impose your practices on your own children. that is almost a definition of a parent, the one in charge of a child. no one else is in charge in the same way.

Annepl, are you suggesting that anyone who sees the situation differently from you does not see families as very important to them?

Apologies if that's not what you're saying, but it does come across that way.

About what if they fall ill before the next meeting - it is manipulation and guilt trip.

You can't turn the clock back if you make a wrong decision.
But I'm afraid we'll just have to agree to disagree. Perhaps you are right Hithere, families are very important to me. And that includes aunts uncles grandparents etc.

What is very obvious to me is that this topic has run into five pages but there has only been approx two posts by the original poster !! Obviously the subject has cause a lot of discussion but the person who instigated it hasn't been back , maybe lurk and read but doesn't see the need to comment. Very odd .

Namsnanny thanks. I felt so alone.

"My own children adored their grandparents who were the best GPs you could want. I couldneverhave done this to them or my children. I feel really strongly about it. What if one of the GPs took ill before the next visit?"

You are projecting so heavily in this thread.
This gc is not your gc, OP is not your mother.
Not all families function as yours did

About what if they fall ill before the next meeting - it is manipulation and guilt trip.

Anyway, if they feel ill, I would be worried of my child had visited them and got the same illness from them.
I would be sad for the grandparents but glad we may have stopped the spreading.

Ideally you should all be in agreement and working together on teaching the child right from wrong but with the parents very much in charge of how they waish to play it ......if the parents see this as the way to go then you could have a gentle word with your grandchild about how you understand why his/her mum and dad are worried about the lying and you understand why they felt he/she should miss the weekend treat as a consequence of that wrong behaviour. Talk to your GC about why it is important not to lie, and say you look forward to when they will be staying again...etc etc.

I personally would not view this as "punishing me"...the action is not about you at all...it is the parents way of teaching their child that there consequences for wrong behaviour!!

annep1 …. I agree with your posts

My own children adored their grandparents who were the best GPs you could want. I could never have done this to them or my children. I feel really strongly about it. What if one of the GPs took ill before the next visit?

Annep1

The way you write it, you would think the child is going to jail or military school!

I think she would lie again to stop herself getting into trouble if she knows she will be punished so harshly.

It's only one time for goodness sake; why the am drams!!! My granddaughter is 8 and, if this was her punishment for misbehaving, she'd never do the 'crime' again for sure. Rather me considering it was 'punishing' me, I'd think it was the parents who had lost out on a rest!!!!

I am not going to get into the issue of lockdown because it is the principle of the punishment that is in question. If it were my grandson, I would be backing the parents that there needs to be consequences for lying but I would also talk to them about whether there was a need to punish me at the same time. However, I think that for my grandson it would probably be the punishment that would make him stop and think the most (were he able to understand it at all) so my overwhelming thought would be it is more important for him to grow up being honest than me seeing him. At the end of the day, our overall ambitions for the child's happiness should be the goal. Liars are rarely happy people and trust is extremely important to building strong relationships.

I understand, maddy- I was pointing to the difference in wording- You cannot go to the sleepover vs you cannot see somebody-

Aside from that, I cannot comment on the OP's story because I don't understand it-

He's not grounded. He's not being allowed to visit his grandparents.

annep1

So...he’s grounded.

oh, how I feel for you, It breaks your heart when you feel your grandchild is treated unfairly! But, as you now know, it isn't allowed for different households to mix.. we are all hurting over this but, it is for their good aswell as us grandparents.

rosecarmel
Here in the UK we are on lockdown. We are only allowed to go to do essential shopping once a week, and one hour of daily exercise per day. Over 70s are advised to stay at home at all times and have shopping delivered or a family member or neighbour to shop for them. We are not allowed to mix households. So if it’s draconian, it’s draconian for everyone. This child should not be visiting his grandparents at all. Grandparents have been told that they must not do their usual childcare, which is why schools and nurseries have remained open for very small numbers of children whose parents are key workers.

Not much to go on ..

But .. "You cannot attend a sleepover" is considerably different than " You cannot see (insert any name) "

The second is draconian ..

That’s grounding. Not getting to go for a sleepover, regardless of who it’s with, is being grounded. It’s not mean. It’s discipline and proper parenting.

It's just incredible how many GNters are keen to dodge the rules. If it's representative of wider society, we have little hope of slowing Coronavirus. Don't expect any sympathy from those of us who are complying!

I think the main point here is that your grandchild cannot visit you at all because we are in lockdown. It applies to everyone. It isn’t negotiable. You cannot look after your grandchild.
We are unable to provide the childcare that we usually provide for our grandchildren. Our two year old grandson has had to start nursery early because we are no longer allowed to provide the care. His parents were told this and a place acquired for him because they are both key workers, they are doctors.
You cannot provide childcare for your grandson. You must tell his parents and provide no further care.

He's not grounded. He's not being allowed to visit his grandparents.

No one should ever smack a child. And no one would on my watch!
I think some people just don't realise you're meant to treat a child with love.

The kid is grounded. He’s not being deprived of anything.
Seriously get a grip.

Wellbeck the GPs childmind when parents work at the same time . They are essential workers. As I've said before the rules are not b/w.
And yes it is more than a bit mean. This child is very young. Depriving him of his GPs does not sound very loving. The child will remember this.