Gransnet forums


grandson punished by not being allowed to visit us.

(115 Posts)
ouma6 Fri 24-Apr-20 16:54:32

background. grandson 7. very close to us, lived with us when small. He lied to his parents (Dad and girlfriend). Normally on a weekend he visits us, generally a sleepover. His punishment for lying is not being allowed to visit us this weekend. additionally he only spends 6 months of the year in our area so time is precious for both us and the grandson. I feel this is unfair to all three of us and another punishment should be worked out, not punishing us as well. His Dad works on weekends, Grandpa is only available on weekends. Opinions please.

Bathsheba Fri 24-Apr-20 16:57:14

He shouldn't be visiting you this weekend anyway. Haven't you noticed we're on lockdown?

Good God, what does it take to get the message through to some people? angry

merlotgran Fri 24-Apr-20 16:58:28

Surely children who do not already live with grandparents are not allowed to visit them at all during Lockdown?

ouma6 Fri 24-Apr-20 17:01:46

we have been on "lockdown" together since the beginning of March, before lockdown was official, we were on vacation together and returned together to be in lockdown and I am carer when both parents work schedule clashes as well (essential workers). Sorry you felt the need to "judge" as I omitted to put additional details down.

MerylStreep Fri 24-Apr-20 17:02:14

Someone obviously didn't get the memo.

Gemini17892 Fri 24-Apr-20 17:04:41

Seems harsh to me and sad for you. Children do lie. If he expects a big punishment he is likely to lie even more .
Someone needs to talk to him about the reasons for telling the truth. Sounds like mum is a bit frazzled and having given the punishment needs to stick to it.
I remember an incident when my kids were that age. No one would own up and then the person who didn’t do it said she did it. I only found this out 30 years later !
You need to save face on all sides. Negotiation is necessary. Also I’m thinking mum would like a break from him this weekend too ! I wonder if she could strike a bargain.

Hithere Fri 24-Apr-20 17:05:48

1. You are not a third parent for the kid.
The disciplining and parenting of the child is carried out by his parents, grandparents have no call
His parents dont also owe you any time with the child or have any informal custody agreement with the grandparents.

2. Why is your gc sleeping over in the middle of a pandemic?

Chestnut Fri 24-Apr-20 17:06:03

The rest of us are all missing our grandchildren too because they're not allowed to visit us! And that has been the case since 23rd March which is one month. I can only assume you've been under a rock as it has been plastered endlessly on the TV and radio that you cannot mix outside your own household.

rosenoir Fri 24-Apr-20 17:06:31

If the parents work then you are not all on lockdown and they seem to be able to manage with childcare this weekend.

Also it is their child therefor their rules.

Hithere Fri 24-Apr-20 17:09:33

After the update, you being a carer for the child does not entitle you to have a call on how he is raised by his parents.

MissAdventure Fri 24-Apr-20 17:25:06

This idea of lockdown seems flexible. Not sure how that works.

Xrgran Fri 24-Apr-20 17:30:05

Sorry I’m confused how does he visit you when you are all on lockdown together? If parents are not on lockdown as they work it makes sense for them to stay with the child and none of them visit anyone at all!

Norah Fri 24-Apr-20 17:33:21

Lockdown seems reason enough.

MawB Fri 24-Apr-20 17:33:55

Wrong on so many levels
What merlot and others have said.
He is not allowed to come and stay with you,
You are not allowed to provide his childcare while parents work
If his father is going out to work he is not on lockdown and if you all live together I fail to see how the question of a sleepover at yours arises.
What if any, part of “lockdown” are you observing?

annep1 Fri 24-Apr-20 17:45:26

Regardless of the lock down issue, I think this is a very harsh punishment for a young child for telling a lie. As someone has already said it will encourage him to lie. He's only seven fgs.

BlueBelle Fri 24-Apr-20 17:48:58

I m confused here he s not allowed to visit this weekend because he lied but you say you’re all on lockdown TOGETHER since March.... well that’s makes no sense at all if you’re all on lockdown together where is he living to not be allowed to visit ???
You ll need to clarify what you are talking about ouma6

Maggiemaybe Fri 24-Apr-20 17:56:54

You haven’t really made the situation clear, ouma6. Are you the maternal grandparents? If he used to live with you, have you some sort of residence order which entitles you to have your grandson at weekends, even in lockdown?

Bathsheba Fri 24-Apr-20 17:58:09

I agree BlueBelle. Makes absolutely no sense at all. The child is either:

a) living in a different house and visits the OP for sleepovers, in which case they are not 'in lockdown together', or

b) they are indeed all 'in lockdown together', i.e. all living in the same house, in which case, how is he stopped from visiting for a sleepover?


Smileless2012 Fri 24-Apr-20 18:03:55

Taking the current lock down out of the equation, why 'punish GP's to punish a 7 year old child?

Oopsminty Fri 24-Apr-20 18:14:13

Clueless here as well

I regularly looked after our grandsons and they had sleepovers

But since the lockdown that's all stopped. Not seen any of my grandchildren for weeks.

I thought everyone was doing this

No mixing of families etc etc

Doodledog Fri 24-Apr-20 18:38:24

Maybe they all live in a house with a granny annexe? Or maybe this is a wind-up - who knows?

Taking things at face value, and assuming that there are no relevant lockdown issues, I think that it seems harsh to punish a young child in this way, and as has been said, it will only encourage him to lie more. Having said that, I also agree with whoever it was that it is not a matter for the grandparents to decide.

Your role is to support the parents, not to undermine them or criticise their child-rearing, outside of very obvious boundaries (eg if they physically punish the boy).

Interfering will only make things more difficult all round, and potentially reduce your contact with your grandson even more. If you are not interfering, but just sounding off on here, then yes, it is a shame that this has happened, but presumably it won't be ;one until you see him again, and you can have a lovely time then.

Doodledog Fri 24-Apr-20 18:39:35

long, not 'grinne'.

Doodledog Fri 24-Apr-20 18:39:59

AARRGGHH!! Oh for an edit button.

Hithere Fri 24-Apr-20 18:48:26

We dont know what the lie is.
We don't know the consequences of that lie
We cannot say the punishment to the child is too strict
We don't have all the facts

annep1 Fri 24-Apr-20 18:49:07

Your role is to support the parents, not to undermine them or criticise their child-rearing, outside of very obvious boundaries

I think I would be concerned about parents who mete out such harsh punishment to my young gc.