Disasters and funny stories in the kitchen

DD1 loved Toad in The Hole when she was a teenager. I thought it would be a good idea if she learnt to make it herself when she was about 16. “Make the batter first” I said “and stand it in the fridge to keep chilled”.
“Put the sausages in a casserole dish and brown the top of them in a hot oven”. She did that and let them burn, so she did it again.
By the time she had the browned the sausages in the hot dish she poured the cold batter into the glass dish (Pyrex) -
and it exploded into a myriad of pieces frightening us both. What a mess.

Many years ago early in our marriage I put some chestnuts in the oven but did not realize they needed to be pricked first. I opened the oven door and they exploded into my hair, what a mess. Mr J was no help as he fell about laughing!

Many years ago my father treated my mother to a Kenwood Chef. Anxious to try it out, she decided to cream potatoes in it. She set it on its highest speed and did not put the bowl cover on. The ceiling and walls were covered in creamed potatoes.

I got into trouble for laughing and had to help clear it up before it set.

My sister made hot cross bun dough and stood it on the wall-mounted boiler to rise. When she reached up to get the bowl down, it slipped through her fingers and landed upside down on her head. God knows how she got the dough out of her hair.

My only regret is that I wasn't there to witness it.

I have 2
Do you remember the sponge puddings you got in round tins and put the tin in a saucepan to simmer... well it boiled dry as I went out and forgot about it we had treacle all over kitchen ceiling it took ex DH weeks of work to get it off.
The other one I gave my ex father in law bistro gravy thinking it was coffee hasten to add he spat it out.

Jaxie - my oldest son did the same thing to me, except he put them in one of my small, lidded dishes. I took it out of the fridge thinking it had garlic butter in it and opened it to....

I have a particular hatred of maggots at the best of times and that was definately the last straw. I retched until it made me ill.

Either he gave up fishing with maggots or kept them somewhere away from the house!

My brother-in-law, whilst still a bachelor and living at home put a plastic box of maggots for his fishing activities in the fridge. His mother entered the kitchen to find they had escaped and had crawled off to lodge under her kitchen cabinets. He wasn’t too popular for a while.

Eating a meal in the kitchen when my children were small I reached for a bottle of brown sauce.I went to give it a good shake only to realise the lid had not been screwed on ! The sauce flew up and hit the ceiling...then came back down all over me.A few years later I was painting my hallway with pale yellow emulsion.I came down the ladder to move it to another spot.Totally forgot the open tin of paint at the top of the ladder.Was stunned to be hit on the head by the paint tin and covered from head to foot in paint.My partner was helpless with laughter and took ages to help me sort it out.

Oh Icanhandthemback you poor thing ,I can imagine the heave making smell...ewwww

Anyone by THE ARLINGTON CREAM MAKER from The Ideal Home Exhibition?!!!! Sufficient to say cream on ceiling, walls floor, grease for weeks of not months, once used never again!

Years ago I invited some friends around for a meal. The main course was fine and I had tried to impress with my version of Baked Alaska and went back into the kitchen. All was prepared ready for the ice-cream and meringue to be spooned over the flan. Unfortunately, our cat had taken a liking to the flan and there were holes in the middle with bits on the floor as well. Horrified, I quickly picked up the bits and made some sort of flan bottom and covered it with ice-cream, meringue and shoved it in the oven. I then served up the Alaska and friends were suitably impressed.
It was years later that I told them what had really happened and yes, we are still friends.

Got into it with a sibling while making pumpkin pies- She slung a ladle full of uncooked pie filling at me, I threw one back, and it turned into a battle ...

Sodapop + kitchen = disaster. Simple equation,

When making jelly, I used to top it up with cold water, and used recycled plastic trifle bowls from the supermarket to set it. One time I made blancmange, and forgot it would be hotter than the jelly. Poured in, and watched in horror as the plastic bowl melted. Blancmange all over the worktop!

As a child I came home from school and went through the back door into the kitchen. The kitchen was black and full of acrid smoke. Mum wasnt home so I ran to our next door neighbour. She entered the kitchen and lifted a saucepan off the stove and threw it into the garden. She also managed to turn off the cooker. My poor mum had gone out for the day leaving stewing steak cooking. I know dad was really cross about it, and mum spent about a week cleaning black stuff from the walls. I guess dad thought I could have walked into a full blown fire.

When I was first going out with my husband to be his mum went away for a few days leaving boyfriend and his brother home alone. Peter asked me to boil some milk for cocoa. I put it on and when it had boiled turned off the heat and turned to get the mug. When I turned back there was milk all over the cooker top. Their cooker was electric and I was used to gas where the heat goes off when you turn it off. My future mil was not impressed when she came home because I wasn’t very good at cleaning up and there was still burnt on milk in nooks and crannies.

I had a Great Dane when I was younger and somebody told me that tripe was the best food for her. It smelled awful so I thought it might smell a bit nicer cooked. I popped it in the pressure cooker then got side tracked. To my horror, it shot its load all over the ceiling and walls. Believe me when I tell you that it is almost impossible to get rid of the smell!

I put my pressure cooker on without water in the bottom. Curious that nothing was happening and no steam was hissing, I found to my horror that the base of the very heavy pan had 'bowed' due to the heat and was rocking about on the pan supports. I had to send it to Prestige to be restored, a VERY expensive exercise, and within a fortnight I did the same thing again! (Baby brain at the time - my son was only months old). Decided at that point that I didn't want a pressure cooker any longer.

These days, I'm quite a good cook, even if I do say so myself! However, years ago, when hubby and I first got together in our teens, I'd never really done much cooking. I decided to try to impress him with my culinary skills (which were almost non existent in those days), and cooked him a Coq au Vin. The only problem was, I'd not used fresh garlic before, so when the recipe called for 3 garlic cloves, I didn't really know what a 'clove' was ... I put 3 WHOLE BULBS in my Coq au Vin! Let's just say, it was a way heavy on the garlic, but he still ate it, bless him!

When the children were small, we always made a birthday cake for their special day. When my son was still in his Thomas the Tank Engine phase, I was delighted with my success at making him a cake with a themed decoration, and a real toy engine on top.
I popped it into the oven out of the way in our small family kitchen, while we were getting ready for the party, then had to pop out for some last minute shopping before lunch. On my return, to my horror, the oven was on as dad was preparing lunch.
I opened it up to see a very sorry looking cake, and asked ‘Where’s the plastic box it was in?’ ‘What box?’ came the reply, never to be forgotten.
The plastic box had completely melted onto the cake, now inedible after all my decorating efforts.
I never used the oven for storage again.

I made peanut butter cookies this morning and when I tried to remove them from the baking paper they turned to dust.

A few days ago I had run out of biscuits and decided to make cookies to my own recipe out of granola cereal. I put them in the oven and went into the sitting room and became engrossed in a film on Talking Pictures, called Houdini. When it finished I went into the kitchen to make a bedtime drink and discovered I had forgotten the cookies and there they were, looking just like coal.

Well, in my early married days I've served up green mash after dying something in a saucepan. Tipped half a bag of pearl barley into the stew I was making, only for my then husband to discover dead maggots floating in it when I served it up. Then there was the time my son tried to cook himself a frozen pie in a foil dish - in the microwave, for 45 minutes! Fortunately we are both grown up now!

Once I was stirring the gravy on the hob top when part of the ceiling came down on my head, the old horse hair plaster. Needless to say the gravy had to be abandoned.
Another time, I was puzzled as to what had happened to the circular cork mat that I use to put hot dishes down on. When I came to serve the peas, I found it , cuddled up in the saucepan lid. I must have put the lid down on it and it got sucked up.

We were making blancmange in our cookery class and the teacher was coming round, tasting - a brave woman! As she approached it occurred to me that I hadn't put sugar in mine and I waited for her to reach my table. To my relief, she had given up tasting and I was off the hook. Last night, about 67 years later, I failed to put sugar in my custard. It was horrible!
Then there was the time I thought I had made cous cous and when I discovered that it hadn't swelled up in the water, I realised that I had made it with oatmeal.