Taken for Granted

Hi Naty...I like you cannot understand people who are selfish and who take advantage of others. It really puts me off people like that...they frustrate me...no good trying to point it out to them as you are banging your head against a wall. For peace of mind you are better off distancing yourself from them...I have felt better in myself doing this over the last week. xxx

My mom was one of seven. The fifth born!

I am also a Cancer! June baby!

I know how you feel; I cannot fathom how people are selfish or egotistical to the point of hurting or taking advantage of others! I just cannot do it!

Be kind to yourself. Try to find a community of people like you. You have lots to offer this world.

Hi Naty...thank you for you messages. Yes I was born in July 1964...I am a Cancerian and we love to look after people. But some people take advantage. and I hate that. I feel quite insulted when they think your a pushover when I am not.
My problem is I think people are like myself when they are not...I would not dream of taking advantage of people but maybe that's because I know how it feels. Trouble is 'givers' always attract 'takers'. and I have had many around me. I am the eldest of seven children and looked after my siblings so yes it started when i was very young. I am really sorry to hear of your Mums passing...I bet she was really proud of you. Your Mum has brought up a very caring person who tries to understand and empathises with people they don't know. Thank you for your lovely message. xx

Okay, I've read other posts, OP. I figured you hadn't had kids because you have a lot of time to care for others. Not having had kids could be a great thing, as you have the energy and resources to care for a lot more people than your own flesh and blood.

You sound so lovely and kind. Were you born in 1964? So was my mom, who has sadly passed on from cancer.

I'm in your corner supporting you from afar. Try your best to find people like yourself. Kind, caring and generous. Give to others and also to yourself.

As for your friend, just slowly withdraw your support. They are probably asking you to print things, not realizing how much it's putting you out. People like you tend not to.communicate very effectively because you don't want to disappoint. Then, people are shocked, because they thought they weren't any bother at all. These people probably think you don't want the wardrobes anymore and don't want them in the trash. You need to communicate your boundaries clearly before issues arise.

I had a weird thing happen years ago...a very generous aunt of mine had bought me several gifts for Christmas. I was under the impression that she had gotten them as gifts from her students and that she'd likely put them in her basement due to disuse (she is a bit of a hoarder). She asked me to pick a present. I said I'd take them all rathee than see them pile up in her basement. She had found this strange...and then later in the day I suddenly realised she had bought! Them for me and wanted me to pick! I was horrified and apologized and explained why Insisted on having them all. Haha! It was just a misunderstanding. But you can see how unclear communication makes things strange.

Ignore obnoxious commenters. People love to tell people they are mentally ill on this site.

Do you know why you enjoy giving so much? When did this behaviour start? Do you feel inferior to others or unworthy or do you just trust people a lot? I know someone like you. He's extremely generous and always wants to please people. I've told him he needs to stop or he'll be used.

Thank you Trendynannie6... I have now stepped back. I am now going to take care of myself and thank you for care and understanding. xx

Why do you assume my life is perfect?

You asked for feedback, not validation and pats in the back.

Hithere.. you have too much to say. Yes I am annoyed with you and your approach...It must be great to be perfect and have a perfect life. Leave your comments with yourself...some of your approach has been rude and condescending where others have not been. How about that coming from a fool!! I think you need the therapy for not respecting someone's feelings...yes I do feel attacked too by you. Your job is done now with me...move onto someone else and put their life in order...I dont appreciate what you have to say and how you say it. Deal with your rudeness and your patronizing ways...there's a start for your therapy!!!

Donna1964 I stand by what I said in my first post, you are a very caring selfless person, whom others can take advantage of, and obviously have done, you are a rescuer, I get the feeling if you see what you interprete as hardship from someone, you somehow want to step in and prevent or protect, this is how you are as a person, but I do think you should step back and think of yourself much more Donna, you are a person in your own right, be kind to yourself, I wish you all the very best x

She is not your employee - employer is a bad autocorrect.

Donna

You need way more therapy.
You are not grasping the real problem and getting defensive and feeling attacked (btdt many years ago myself)

Plenty of us can see the following points a they are so obvious:

1. She is not your friend. Friends don't use you like they did

2. She doesnt owe you any explanation who created the go fund page for her.
She is not your employer, she doesnt report to you.

3. You think you were treated like a fool because you were not in charge and in control of the help you wanted to provide for her.

No, you are a fool for giving so much to somebody you barely know and clearly taking advantage of you

As soon as they get the help from somebody else, you get mad.
That's not how help works.

I use the word help because it is the OP think she is doing, not the real definition of help.

Wellbeck...too much judging going on with some of you. Its called decency amongst two friends. They want you to do the GO FUND ME PAGE for them. I would have no problem if she wanted then someone else to do it...but have the decency to let me! Don't just send them the link to then fund them... that is insulting and treating them like a fool!!

are you aware of the theory of co-dependence. read up on it.
trying to rescue people, making relationships based on helping people, doing too much and then getting resentful for not being appreciated...
it can be a very tangled web to get out of.
of course it is good to care about other people's welfare, but we have to be careful that we are not trying to buy loyalty. that's one reason why it's better to do it as part of a group.
also for your own safety, psychological as well as physical.
look how enmeshed you got with expectations re that woman; feeling that she owed you an explanation for allowing someone else to set up that page, when it had been your idea, as if you had copyright on it. as if she had been disloyal to you. can you see how off-beam that thinking is.

look up co-dependence. i know whereof i speak. good luck.

Donna

If you feel you are doing the right thing and are happy to be so generous, why are you posting if you are taken for granted?

NotSpaghetti... thank you for your lovely reply. A two way friendship full of laughter and mutual respect, shared interests would be great. I love to laugh and see the funny side of life..I have had some very funny people in my life and I have loved it...we have had some hysterical times together. Sadly those people have passed...but you never forget them and the laughs you have had together.
Thank you for your good wishes & happier times. I wish you all the happiness and good health for the future xx

Grannynannywanny... thank you for your reply. I am decent...I would help anyone. I live by my conscience. All I want is a bit of respect & appreciation. Some people mistake my kindness for a weakness and get the shock of their lives when I have taken enough and they get my wrath or I just cut them off. I am not as soft as I may seem . I have done charity work and voluntary work..but I worry about people and don't know when to switch off. I feel so much for the homeless...I buy them something to eat & drink when I can. I have bought medicine for them when they have had a really bad cough..I have gone out on cold nights with duvets & blankets I may have and took them to hostels in my car or I get in touch with outreach workers & Councils and get them to do their jobs and go out to the homeless. I will leave money to the Homeless when my times up xx

ineedamum...thank you for your reply. You have it in one! I was brought up to look after everyone but myself...I have done it well. I come from a good place...I mean well and it has kept me busy over the years. ... I hate to see someone hurt, upset or taken advantage of ...But it does attract the wrong sort. xx

Donna1964, I think we are from similar backgrounds. Although posters are very kind in taking time to post a message, if you arent from a dysfunctional background you don't realise you have been given a gift.

Children from dysfunctional families are damaged in many different ways. In your case you were the scapegoat so you're automatically blaming yourself. You recognise the pain of nobody being there for you, so when your friend who struggles asking for help, it was a compliment she could ask you as you're approachable. Most people like helping others when they go through tough times, so don't beat yourself up. Lots of people find it difficult saying no when asked for help.

The issue seems to be you're not happy with how much help you gave. Again, people from dysfunctional families find it very difficult to set boundaries.

I love what a previous lady said, that friends are chosen for their personality and not for what they give.

I agree with your point about you doing work on yourself, but keep on meeting people who don't do any work on themselves. People find it easier to blame others or gossip/put others down rather than look inside.

Donna1964

You sound like a kind and decent person who has been taken advantage of many times over.

It’s now time to try to be kind to yourself. My dear old Dad used to say “charity begins at home!

You sound like a very giving person. But perhaps when things return to normality instead of lavishing your kindness on one person you might enjoy some kind of organised charity work.

This would allow you to be the good person you clearly are but without the risk of someone taking advantage of your good nature.

But for now use this time to relax and take care of yourself ?

Hithere...I have had plenty of therapy...believe me. I have had enough therapy to just live day to day things have been that bad. But, despite it all in some cases I always blame myself. That has come from my childhood...as I was the scapegoat. I was blamed for everything by my Mother and Father..they did a good job on me and I can't seem to break the cycle. That said I am not like this with everyone. I do stand up for myself...when I was 40 I had a break down...I was so ill. I made a promise to myself that NO ONE will speak to me like crap again...I will not tolerate disrespect!! My toleration levels are not what they were...people are told in no uncertain terms. But what you find is when you do this...people don't like it! Because although you have worked on yourself...many haven't and then want to either reflect their problem back onto you or transfer the problem...which is frustrating. There is a lot of people out there who need to take a good look at themselves but wont. I know my shortcomings...but my shortcomings harm no one but myself. Yes I do have a void...I never had children...I would have loved to have my own children. I have never married either...I was going through too much and kept it a secret and tried to be normal...what 'normal' is??? I have had plenty of boyfriends in life but when I look back a lot of them where going through something when we met, lost confidence. I built them back up and then they went on their way...some leaving me behind and married the next person they met. Some have wanted me back but done me too much harm I would not go back. I have dealt with everything alone..but in a lot of ways it has made me stronger. I could write a book and it would be a bestseller

Donna

Her past is NOT your fault.

So many of us didn't have the childhood and attention we deserved as kids

As adults, it is up to us to deal with our dysfunctional ways and fix them

What you describe is not friendship but a voluntary parasitical relationship
They suck you dry till you get fed up and move on to the next person to get your needs covered.
Guess what - they won't ever get fulfilled.
What you are doing is trying to fill a void and it won't ever end unless you go to therapy and learn a better way to cope with your past

Stop! just stop and get them out of your life and if you find that hard get professional help to do so. A solicitors letter maybe.

donna1964 I think you deserve real two-way friendships and this was not really one of those.

Maybe when life is a bit more “normal” you might consider joining a group activity somewhere where you will meet new people? I sense you would be a kind and thoughtful friend to someone and need to enjoy your friendships based on laughter and mutual interests.

Please ask yourself each time you meet someone new (or reconnect with them) “am I trying to rescue them?”
If you are, this may not be a true friendship developing and you should maybe back away.

I wish you good luck, and happier times ahead.

I was going to say block her on absolutely everything, phone, facebook etc and return any post. I'm not sure if she is actually a con artist, or just taking advantage of someone who is (possibly) too generous for her own good, but either way she is not someone you should have in your life.

Good for you. You don't need someone like that in your life.