To be angry with my brother over our fathers death?

Anybody know what toe-jam cheese is? And is it always served with lavender and the scent of incessant urine?

Goodness me, to keep an argument warm until next day takes real dedication ( and is no help to Buttonjugs)!

progressive American psychology

Ah! Now it makes sense!

I've a question: How many of you have ever heard a eulogy that wasn't true? And after it was presented, did you ever get angry about it, enough to approach that person and tell them that what they said was a lie?

Ah .. Grandmafrench, I'd take progressive American psychology over toe-jam cheese, lavender and the incessant scent of urine any given day of the week ..

Aren’t families complicated and relationships within them fraught with pit falls !
OP I am glad to hear things are improving with your brother and I hope you all resolve things in time.
I have been surprised at how vitriol has crept into this thread when all the OP did was ask for a little support!

Vulnerable lost sheep overdosing on cod psychology from weird American websites can make them very strange (and intractable, deaf and insensitive). However, as long as most of you have helped buttonjugs, it has to be a positive result.

It's OK everybody. She just doesn't get it poor soul.

I agree tickingbird. Neither term is applicable to the OP and as for scapegoating, it is the OP herself who has been used as a scapegoat from some on this thread to excuse her brother's behaviour.

More amateur psychology. What codswallop.

rosecarmel -- Let's be real. The reason that so many see nothing wrong with OP's behavior is very simple. She is the 'good child' for having looked after her aging parent, the dream of many parents and more so those that are abusive and know they don't deserve it.

OP's brother is a "lesser" because he was a 'bad child' for not fulfilling his 'obligation' to his father. OP's questionable behavior is swept under the rug/minimized while brother's actions were magnified -- because that's how dysfunction works.

The Golden/'good' child can say or do whatever because of their elevated status and the mere idea of equality, like a mutual apology in this case, is a laughable and unnecessary action according to most here. OP is 100% 'right'... Brother is a Narc and is 'wrong'. No chance for wrong on both sides? "No." say many and 'popular vote' is what matters... Equality is for "lessers" -- In other words, to abusers, "Of course You are 'equal'. You are equal to all the other people I deem not as 'good' as Me."

Both 'children' can behave the same way but one gets a "pass" and the other is vilified. It's called Scapegoating and usually only goats see it. Abusers and enablers are so busy engaging in their dysfunctional patterns to see 'it'... It's their "normal".

Jane10, The Three Faces of Eve?

rosecarmel

Smileless, the OP wasn't just upset about the FB post and said so- She was bitter with her brother prior to the posting- She told others how useless he was and then came here telling us how useless he was- She too was looking for sympathy and received it-

She found another opportunity to bad mouth her brother and took it- That sounds like a pattern to me-

For all we know know he could have bent over backwards on the days he was "barely" there- But once more, he wasn't good enough-

I looked after my mother in our house for 3 years (she went to daycare)so I could work full time with2children at school .My brother and family never offered to have her once .Eventually she had to go int a home as she became violent due to Dementia .When it came to the funeral he took over wasted loads of money as she was 96 and had been in the home for years so very few people came She would have been horrified .

Chewbacca

A discussion involves the exchange of views and opinions rosecarmel. Posting on FB about the death of a father you had nothing to do with, and describing him as wonderful and a role model is looking for sympathy.

Presumably if the OP's brother's FB 'friends' knew him and his father's past, they'd have been as shocked at his FB post as she was.

No matter. He has apologised and that lays a positive foundation for his future relationship with his sister.

I wish you and your brothers well Buttonjugs.

Now she's trying to hit the mute button on you hahaha .. Good luck with that, Chewbacca!

Smileless, the OP discussed how she felt with others she knew and that's acceptable for her- But it's not acceptable for her brother-

It's one of the points continually being swept under the rug-
As usual!

Best not to feed 'em Smileless

Oh I see, so when any of us are upset by the actions of for example a family member, and discuss it with friends and/or other family members we're gossiping, talking that person down and going behind their back!!

The last line in the OP "Was this unreasonable?" Buttonjugs was asking for our opinion, did we think her behaviour was unreasonable and it appears that the majority of those who've responded don't think it was.

Your ability to read the mind of someone you've never even met is truly remarkable rosecarmel. To know that the OP came here only to "seek agreement from like minded individuals".

I agree that there are some dysfunctional thought processes on this thread, but they're not coming from the OP or those in agreement with her.

Oh, yes, I guess you can call it a virtual joy-ride to watch the majority navigate "around" the points others as well as myself have raised-

Yep, ignore them altogether, as though there was no mention of these actions made by the OP in her own words, right there in black and white or whatever colors ..

rosecarmel Labelling the OP dysfunctional now!!! These posts make for fascinating reading.

May I ask what point is rosecarmel missing?
I think I am missing it too

rosecarmel. Do you read the posts of others? You seem to blindly miss the point over and over again. Maybe you're getting something out of it?
It can only be a very cheap thrill.