AIBU to complain about DH's gardening obsessions.

I've one a bit like that, Qizzer.

We established some 40 years ago that he was no gardener and that it was strictly my province, so he's learned, on the whole, not to do any unauthorised hacking and slashing, but on a number of occasions when I've asked him to do a job he gets it a bit wrong. Sometimes things recover and sometimes they don't.

Hi latest hit was when I asked for help in clearing a massively overgrown clematis montana which grows over a freestanding trellis. I'd done the preparatory work of cutting back unwanted stems but there was a huge mass of entangled stems at the top which I asked him if he could remove. Then foolishly left him to it. A few hours later I found that he'd cut the remaining growing stems off at about 2ft. One or two left intact. The tangled mess still at the top.. This spring the few living stems have leafed up and there were a few scattered flowers.

At least I know it will regenerate, but, there's still a huge tangled mass of dead stems to remove...

The there was the Rambling Rector rose that I was trying to get to climb up a big tree. He's cut that to ground level a time or two. Thought it was a bramble...

Honeysuckle is very fragile. I have some on a trellis, and some ivy started growing amongst it. In our efforts to get rid of the ivy, we've snapped a load of the honeysuckle stems too. I might replace it with something a bit more tolerant of handling.

Count your lucky stars ladies. My DH isn't really sure what that big green & brown thing outside kitchen door IS!
He knows it is good to sit out in on a hot day & barbq but other than that he will ignores it completely.
I love foxgloves too!

I wish I had someone to prune all my overgrown shrubs. Having had no rain for six weeks They have grown exceptionally well to the detriment of all the other plants.

My very unpleasant neighbours have decimated my honeysuckle, which is on a trellis attached to my fence. The garden, (very small) was looking unusually lovely, due to lockdown and the weather. He threw some of the choppings into my garden, the rest of it is dying amongst the few remaining living branches. It's so butchered, it's now falling off the trellis. I now have a lovely view of their washing, left out for days, the pile of old car wheels, the bike...etc. And it used to have a beautiful scent too.

I only really like plants when they are first planted, small and spindly. Once they have grown to full height I regret their presence. I think I would really only be happy in a zen garden with different stone textures. Now our garden has uniform-height mushroom-shaped shrubs and it's just about bearable.

There are some very elegant, pretty trees on the opposite side of the road to my apartment. I watched them being pollarded about 18 months - 2 years ago. One of them had been more vigorous than the others and it was brutally (so it seemed to me ) left like a knobbly maypole with ( I thought) no hope of growing again, but this year it has sprouted lots of branches and is growing amazingly well. It has made me so happy to see its survival.

I have a couple of dedicated foxgloves beds. Everybody admires them. Beautiful.

You have my sympathy Quizzer. I've believed in the old adage 'opposites attract' for a long time but in later life it gets very wearing to always have opposite opinions. My OH, who has never had the slightest interest in gardening, and would readily admit it, is now bored with lockdown and has decided to tell me what needs doing in the garden. Plastic grass has been mentioned - never going to happen! - and everything is a 'mess'. It's a cottage-style garden full of rambling clematis and 'gentle' plants and yes, includes nettles for the butterflies and foxgloves for the bees (sorry Cabbie). Every plant has its purpose for me or it wouldn't be there, but he has no awareness that our now-AC helped to choose and plant many of the flowers and bushes and create a bower, and that my 'memory garden' has flowers dedicated to friends no longer with us. Yesterday we had words about some trees that dared to overhang the path so my beautiful philadelphus, in full bud, got lopped back so we now have a lovely view of our neighbour's concrete wall. It's not too strong to say that the garden is my sanctuary and this really affects my mental health. Give him a project Quizzer, apparently making raised beds, requiring lots of noise and hammering is a good one! Or do like Grandad's wife and stand behind him with a trowel!

I could have written this! My white lilac is getting the chop as we speak! He has an obsession with getting light into the garden, and even paid someone to chop the trees in the copse at the back, which aren't even ours!

If that is all you have to complain about count yourself lucky. I have heard horrible tales on here. Let him get on with it. Just don't let him near your hair....

Can’t you spot a few birds nesting and tell him to continue will be illegal?

I bought a Garrya about 15 years ago. It never had what I call "caterpillars" and I have since found out that there are 2 sexes of that plant, a male and a female. Can't remember which one has the caterpillars but I think it is the male. Obviously I have the wrong one and it was just a waste of money.

How I can relate to this! Tell my DH to prune anything and he will bonsai it. I have found it safer to do my precious shrubs myself and only tell him to cut back laylandii or similar that will recover.

My DH obsession is with the pond,he spends hours gazing into it tut tutting,apparently he took out too much weed at the end of winter,and combined with a mild Winter,no frosts etc,he has green algae,he's spent pounds on new filters,light bulbs,pumps,,special treatments,and barley straw,New plants etc etc,there is a little improvement ,but not much,he's a bit too impatient,it's quite a sizeable pond and all the f ish seem ok,some days I feel like pushing him in it !!!!

Ouch [Quizzer] I feel your pain! The plus side - he is clearly fit enough to be useful, and most things will survive his unkindness. You will have to find some coping strategy meanwhile - which does not involve screaming and hitting him! Other people might be best to advise you on that....

My husband is exactly like that. Everything has to stand to attention or it gets executed! It’s frustrating!

Men and machines! DH has a ride on lawnmower which has cut the grass in our large and far from perfect garden back so much that it doesn’t stand a chance against the weeds growing through it. What doesn’t get the mower is attacked with the strimmer - anything at the edge of a border gets swished off as soon as it pops it’s tip through the soil. I’ve also caught him dipping the strimmer into the midst of the border because he spotted a weed! Our beautiful large tree mallow was mercilessly hacked back just before a severe frost and is Now dead. His knees are really painful so he can’t dig or weed. I’m grateful that he can spend his time in the garden and yes it does need to be kept under control, but like so many I inwardly scream at times. Is this why we all are in love with Monty Don? We never see him welding a machine in his idyllic garden where the soil is so perfect and the weeds never grow.

I would hid the clippers, hedge cutters etc.

Oh, GrannyLaine. Mine did that a few years ago. In the middle of July he decided to butcher my garrya becauyse 'he couldn't see the fields beyond the house'. I wept, too.

My OH can be brutal with cutting things, back or even down! It's for their own good is his response. Friends and neighbours refer to any radical work in their gardens as 'Doing a Mr Molli' As I haven't been going to work during lockdown ( and no idea when I will be either ) I can sort of keep tabs on him. Funnily during the clap for the NHS on Thursdays I had 4 neighbours say. We've seen Mr Molli in the front garden DO NOT LET HIM TOUCH THE CHRISTMAS TREE! It's beautiful at the moment and stands tall and elegant and gets lights put on at christmas. ??. I have fingers crossed.

FOXGLOVES ARE NOT WEEDS ?

I thought foxgloves were poisonous?

Cabbie21, im with you- ive 2 sons both at home 21& 17 who could manage a bit hàcking down the grass& weeds,(ive osteoarthritis) but do they?No! Our back garden now looks like a flipping jungle!

I can remember returning from work one Saturday to find that my brother in law that I thought was a gardener, who had offered to prune some of my shrubs for me had been over and gone over the lot with a hedge trimmer so they were all at the level of just below the fence height! My garden was surrounded by what looked like a hedge!
Any flowers there had been had also been cut off and my beautiful Garrya Elliptica that I had spent a lot of money on as an 18 inch , nurtured for several years and had been my mother's favourite was no longer there! It had been uprooted and burnt on a bonfire, along with the other clippings as well as a garden bench that I had taken 3 days to paint the week before (ok so one of the slats in the seat had slit but it could still be used with a cushion) I was devastated!
In his own garden, everything is in rigid precision. He'd hate my garden now it has grown back to the lovely blowsy shaped shrubs !