husbands

If you’re asking the question on this forum then quite possibly you’re not ready yet. You’ll know when the time is right and then go for it. Don’t dither about
Life is far too short to be unhappy. Take care

Hi there. Tricky situation. You say you don't love him anymore, big red flag. The lock down could possibly kill anyone's relationship that is for sure. So, I would just create a bit of space from him. Go out see your girlfriends, walk in nature if you can and clear your head. Also, check your financial situation which is very important as well. Sit back, take a big breath, talk to a trusted friend and consider your options. Good luck, not easy. You are young enough as we all are these day to have a look out there what is available on the internet, some I think would give it a miss but is a choice, good luck honey. b

It's not fair on him for you to stay if you don't love him any more. I've just come to the same decision. Different interests, no conversation, no laughs, no fun. What is the point? Both of you can go and live your own lives, and move on.

My ex husband and I ended up sitting in different rooms every night as we didn't like the same things and I felt as if I was on my own most of the time. He argued about everything I did or didn't do, he poked fun what I wore, ate, everything! I felt so unloved so decided to leave. I went to live with my mum and got sorted. I am now 10 years on my own( lost my mum 8 yrs) and very happy. It was scary at the start, but I can do everything for myself in my home, paperwork, the lot. I have no inclination to find anyone else. Do what makes you happy, you are only here once and don't stay for the sake of it. Have no regrets, I haven't.

Do it if you can. I divorced in my sixtieth year, relying on my state pension ( at 60 then) and teacher's pension though that is less than the full pension as I had not put in the 40 years required - few women have. My ex husband declared he had no money, so we had to split the value of the house 50/50. There was nothing else. When he died years after marrying for the fourth time at the age of 84, he left nothing to our two sons and his final wife left with anything he had acquired. Living on your own is much to be preferred to a loveless marriage on both sides.

So sorry Willow, I was diagnosed with an incurable disease 2 years before I married and asked him if he wanted to go ahead as it looked ominous and he went mad, shouting how dare I question his loyalty, 5 years later, he began to show his true colours.
He was so insular, thinking that if I didn't agree with him, I wasn't listening to him, how arrogant and disrespectful of you having your own opinions about thing.
He left in 2018, I didn't love him anymore and I don't think he did me, suffice it to say, I have a few cats, which are far better company and a giant teddy to make up his space on the bed.
Financially it can be a nightmare, so please do consider your steps, once you go down that route, the persona completely disappears and they'll take more than a pound of flesh.
I wish you well, I have peace now and he never realised just how frail I was and said he was sick of me being sick, what a thing to say, not the persona I married.
Glad he's gone.

If you are financially able to go on your own,then do so now!

@annecordelia, I can relate! This is our second marriage and we usually get along fine, but the stresses and strains of Lockdown, and then him going back to work in our family business after a month, are chipping away at us. He annoys me every day, I have even told him if I had somewhere else to go, I would leave! I feel guilty, as he is the one who is putting himself at risk for our livelihood (I am on Furlough). I don't feel like that all the time, but he makes me feel unsafe and anxious, as I don't think he is being as hygienic as he could be when he returns from work. When I ask if he has washed his hands I am "nagging". I feel guilty, as I want to support him, but I am fearful every day of how much worse things could get for us and our immediate family - he works with his DSiL, and DH's grown up DD is on Furlough and in the "vulnerable" category. If DSiL passes Covid on to her, she could die (and leave her kids). I worry about this every.single.day. but all I get from DH is "I'm a great believer in odds..." Am I being over-anxious? I am sick of scrubbing and cleaning so much more than usual as well. When is it going to end? I just hope soon, and that our relationship will survive!

It's the wrong time to be making this decision,but you do need to talk to each other about it.I'm a widow,and I'm very unhappy,but it's the lockdown,it's getting to us all,life will be easier when we can get back to some normality

I spent thirty-eight years with a husband with whom I had absolutely nothing in common. In fact, there were many times that I positively disliked him for the life he denied us. I took early retirement with great trepidation when I saw changes in his health, he was twenty years older than me.
The next ten years until his death were the best of our marriage. Our family was living their life. Every day he and I did something different together even if only going out for coffee. We spent time in Europe and travelling on day trips throughout England and regular day trips to France for lunch. I am very much a home bird, but I look back on those last few years with much pleasure. I have been alone now for eighteen years and love ever day doing what I want when I want. But in truth, a life without this man would have been much poorer.

Hi Willow, lock down has been soul crushing on many levels here in the US. I am the fourth wife and my husband has multiple health issues, in addition to being older. I have been with him since 2004. He was the love of my life, but unfortunately, sometimes love isn't enough to make a healthy marriage. In addition to Covid, and all the civil unrest here at the moment, we also have had some gang related shootings in the neighborhood nearby. I hate to sound like a coward, but I woke up last night at 2:30 a.m. from a horrific nightmare involving lions preying on people, and was just happy to hear him snoring from the other room. I am so confused about what life is right now, half the time I can't stand living with him and dream of living alone free to do what I wish when I wish, but then the other half I remember that I loved him once with all my heart and don't know what my life would be without him. It has been a bittersweet relationship, but I do think I would be somewhat afraid and lonely to be alone at this point in my life and am not up to the challenge of meeting new people. At least I know he is a good person at heart, which is more than I can say for most men these days.
Good luck!

Did you not know before you married him that you would be his third wife? Did you not ask him why his first marriages had failed? The answers might have set up danger signs for you.

You now find you no longer love him because of his many faults. These do not appear overnight. Was there no indication before you were married that you were effectively incompatible? Having different interests is not always a bad thing.

Nobody can really know what goes on inside a marriage except the two people involved. I cannot but sympathise with the distress you are feeling, but it would have been interesting and enlightening if we could have heard the husband's side of the story.

Willow...do it now..... I was about to part from my husband when he was 50 and me 46, after 25 years of marriage... we just realised after kids went that we had nothing in common , no like minded interest, he never reads a book...I’m an avid reader, he watches tv every spare hour he got. Refused to exercise or walk anywhere. Upshot was....I put a deposit on rented flat, and told him luges toi shirt and I was going.... three weeks later he had a stroke! I thought I can’t leave now I must stay and see him on to his feet again. He refused to ‘get in his feet again’ he has sat in an armchair and watched tv 15 hours a day while I had to go work full time.... he refused any other employment ( lost his original job)... so since he’s been 50 I’ve been working full time( until four years ago)...doing all housework.... cooking ...washing....shopping.... he’s been ‘at deaths door’ for 24 (count them) years. And I’m stuck, with a man I do t live ...dont even like!!! I’m stuck...GO NOW!!

Has anyone heard of 'Growing old Disgracefully'? Cannot find group locally. Mid Wales. Do not 'do' Facebook.

This is my third year of being divorced (well, I refer to myself as 'single' if anyone asks) and I'm a lot happier than I was in the latter years of my 28-year marriage. My ex husband was the one to leave (he had met yet another woman, whom he married shortly after decree absolute had been granted - she's his third wife). There is nothing about him that I miss and I'm glad I filed for divorce. A word of caution - you say the house belongs to you. As FlexibleFriend comments, the courts will start at a 50-50 split of assets. So be sure to look after yourself. I knew my ex would 'persuade' his new woman to sell the house that she owned outright once he'd married her and to move to a new home (and area) together. Turns out I was right. I was able to negotiate a very good deal for myself and bought my new home outright for cash. 100% mine. His new wife has gone from owning her home to owning 50% of their new one. Some men just want the money. Like 1404kiwi, I'm enjoying a much calmer life. I have an occupational pension and do very occasional freelance work although I don't really need to - just helps to keep my brain going! I celebrated my 62nd birthday last week and had a great day outdoors in the company of a few friends (keeping the required social distance). I wish you all the best.

Hopefully you have many years ahead of you to enjoy. You sound unhappy and you have probably already decided to make the break. I was in a similar situation to you 20 years ago when I was 50. I have never regretted my decision to divorce . The first few years were difficult but I soon built up a network of good friends and I enjoy having the time to devote to my own interests. I still appreciate quiet Saturdays without rugby or football blaring through the house! Be brave and good luck!

Leave him. I am the carer for my husband of 53 years since he had 3 strokes 4 and a half years ago. He has anxiety and depression also vascular dementia. He was an alcoholic and stopped drinking 20 years ago. I hate being his carer and these last few months have just about finished me off. Everything he does and says annoys me and I am very impatient with him. He doesn’t really deserve me treating him as I do sometimes but I can’t seem to stop.

Sorry - silly me I thought you were 39 not 59. Ignore the children thing.

Don't stay with someone you don't love. You've got many years ahead of you and as you get older it will be more difficult to leave. Make sure your money will be enough, otherwise save for a bit, then leave.

do you not want children. If not, fine, If you do then find someone compatible that you can have children with.

Tricky. My husband and I had different interests, went on separate holidays etc. We did have children/grandchildren. I felt that we were good for each other, he was spontaneous, I am a planner. Love came and went. However he got ill and I was pleased that I could care for him. when he died five years ago I was very well prepared for a life alone as I had already established my own friends activities etc. So I feel that both situations, marriage and widowhood have been a balance in my life, each with advantages and disadvantages and I dont regret staying together.

59, no shared interests or likes, no children, no love- It’s a no brainer.

Life is very short, it’s not a dress rehearsal and any number of other clichés. You know in your heart what you want to do. Do it.

Long before I split from my ex H I remember a time when both our children went away for a few days. They were still relatively young and we had a taste of being 'just the two of us' again. I found it a little worrying. We had little to talk about and I realised that a future when the children grew up and left might not be so wonderful. However I stuck with it, and it was mostly OK.

Then we moved to a new area, forced by redundancy, and things were difficult. He started an affair after meeting someone online. I found out 6 months later and we decided to separate, though for a while he continued to live with us - in the spare room. I didn't kick him out because after 19 years of marriage I was too scared of coping alone, especially with 2 warring teenagers to deal with.

Eventually she moved nearer and he moved in with her, but we didn't divorce for quite a long time. When we did I negotiated terms that suited me as by then he'd been made redundant again and was moving abroad for his next job. He prevented me getting a divorce when I first wanted it as I think he thought he'd get a better deal when the children left home for university. In the end I did well financially, but only because circumstances allowed me to get a good deal because of his move overseas.

I regret not kicking him out straight away, but in the end it worked out for me. I was wrong to worry about being on my own - it suits me very well actually - but it may not suit everyone. It can be lonely at times but I have plenty friends and good family, though they all live a longway away. It is harder in these lockdown times as I miss actual human contact, but I'm not having to tolerate another human being here that I'd rather not be with.

I had a very good solicitor, recommended by friends. His solicitors were probably recommended by his mother as they were in his home town, though he was living abroad. I suspect that cost him dearly! Do your research.

If you can suggest a plan for settling things financially try to do so. I saw an opportunity and grabbed it but I wouldn't have been able to do that if he'd been staying local.

Also try not to make a life-changing decision during lockdown. We are all under stress at the moment and things may look different at some point in the future. My daughter, who has a big opportunity in front of her at the moment, says she doesn't want to make a decision 'with corona goggles on.' But if you continue to feel the same, go for it. Life's too short to live with regrets.

I fell out of love with my husband and we retired early at that time. We did have plans to travel the world together. Then it all came crashing down. I got diagnosed with a debilitating illness and nearly died. My husband has cared for me for three years. He's been a tower of strength and its rebuilt our relationship. I told him he didn't have to care for me. We could separate so he could have a life. But he loves me and is not going anywhere. I did have my.moments during lockdown where I gave him.several ear fulls. There will always be times when I want to be alone. I wouldn't tell.him you don't love him yet. Sit him down and say this is serious we need to look about how we go forward or whether we do. If he won't listen just walk out and go stay somewhere for a week or so and see if he misses you. If he doesn't then you've got your answer. He needs to know this is serious. Do get some good legal advice if you want to separate. I.think.too that after we go.through.menopause we lose intimacy which men.need in order to.feel.connected. But also think.what it was you loved about him. Maybe you can.get that back.

I would definitely go. Life is too short to spend your life with someone you don’t want to be with. It will be the beginning of the rest of your life and you’re still young enough to have a great time. Good luck