Friend taken a step too far I feel

Nannan 2. I don't follow advice from Boris. When you're on the 'endangered species' list as I am, you don't need a politician to tell you what to do. So you use your common sense.
I might listen to Chris Whitty though ?

Oops sorry thought I was starting a new thread I’ll remove and post correctly

Our 1 year old granddaughter is going to be a beach baby. We’re in Spain and we can go into the beaches now. Does anyone have any great tips on handling sand sea and everything else that involves taking a 1 year old onto sand ? One I’ve remembered is talc and a small paint brush to get sand off feet and legs. Just wondering if anyone had some inspiring ideas ?

So worrying when people post that they or others have done things they think are OK when clearly they aren’t. Going indoors increases the chances of spreading, whatever distancing you practice. Touching someone on the arm is just as risky as kissing them. Sitting down, touching items, opening doors etc. All will spread the virus. Even if you are all symptom free, any one could be incubating the virus. If you have the virus, you shed it constantly. You shed it everywhere you stand, sit or walk. Even meeting in a garden is not totally risk free, it’s just a better option if you’re desperate to visit.
Everyone has to take responsibility for their actions. Personally I really don’t want to be responsible for infecting any other person so I’ll follow my own risk assessment.
I think many people would be better able to cope if they knew everyone was doing their best. Unfortunately some people are doing their best to spread it.

My neighbour had her hairdresser into her house a couple of days ago. This together with some comings and goings in the household doesn't seem sensible to me.

Why be jealous of someone who is not only risking themselves but also their families? I was supposed to sit in the garden with my Son and Grandson before he went back to nursery but it rained like heck so I couldn't. Did that mean I resented other people who were/are lucky enough to see their Grandchildren? My Daughter is holding a first Birthday Party for my Grandaughter and I could have been one of the "Bubble" but she is also inviting a Paramedic so I have chosen not to go. I could be jealous or churlish but I choose to see it that my daughter is cementing friendships which will make her happier in the long run.
It seems to me that your friend understands that you are struggling which is why she turned up bearing gifts but in return you are feeling anger because she is desperate enough to break the rules. Perhaps try to dwell on the nice parts of your relationship rather than her misdemeanours. None of us know what it is like to walk in another's shoes. Anger and jealousy are such destructive feelings, they just make you feel worse whereas positive thoughts are more uplifting and will help you get through these strange times.

I do not consider the spread of this virus small stuff inishowen.

The coronavirus problem is temporary, a friend can be there throughout your life. I'd urge everyone not to judge or ditch their friends based on their choices for what will turn out to be a very short phase. Judge them on how they've behaved through all the rest of the time you've known them. Keep yourself safe by doing what you know you should, and just hope your friend and her family get away with their indiscretions so they will still be there for you when it's all over.

It is very upsetting when we have all tried so hard to keep to the rules. Fortunately, my son and family have cared enough to shop etc for me but keep the social distance. I live in Wales so we can only travel five miles anyway. The past couple of weeks I have been able to drive to my sons ( only a mile or so away) and collect my shopping , sit in the garden with my granddaughter and see my family. This has made such a difference. Apart from that I have not been near a shop since the middle of March. Even My DIL has been avoiding supermarkets where possible and if she has to go chooses her time very carefully.

I have an elderly friend who I have known since I was a little girl, she 's one of the kindest people you could wish to meet. She is not in good health, her husband who is 87 years old is on the shielding list. They live on a small farm which their son works, he has severe asthma, his wife has MS and had to have a kidney removed last year, They have a teenage son. They have carried on as if nothing has happened the son and grandson have their breakfast and dinner at his Mums. The DIL ( who never visited) turns up frequently. The son goes to various places places to pick up the people that normally help him with the work load.

I have begged her to take care but all I get is ' please don't shout at me!' We live in a rural village and there have been four deaths in the area.

We have to turn a blind eye and concern ourselves with the fact that we are trying to do the right thing.

The reason why we are judgemental is because those behaving badly can spread the virus and that affects us, others and NHS. What we dread most is being forced to go back to lockdown or even have huge breaks on the easing. Millions in the country so many more people that can get it. Very dodgy when not all have obvious symptoms. Everyone will have cuddles sooner than those with family living in another country like several people I know.

I have no interest in whether my neighbours are obeying the rules or not. It is none of my business. The expression " don't sweat the small stuff" comes to mind.

We are not all in it together judging by the behaviour of some of my neighbours. I know I will not feel the same about them if we ever become virus free.
I have saw my grandchildren 3 times since March and feel I have kept to the rules for the greater good but sadly not everyone feels the same.

I think Suedonim gave a really good answer - lets not spend time and energy on things we cannot change, while still doing what we think is OK. I know it is hard! but one of the good questions in relation to our thoughts and actions is "Is this helping me or not?" I got that from an excellent TED talk
www.ted.com/talks/lucy_hone_the_three_secrets_of_resilient_people? I hope this link will work - she is talking about how to get through difficult times, including personal loss. It applies to most of our lives - not just when we have challenges.

We have self isolated since the start of lockdown as dh and I are both in an at risk category. My dsd has self isolated for that time too as her little ds has multiple health problems and she’s beginning to feel the stress. Yesterday she visited us for a socially isolated picnic in the garden. It was cold so we ended up 2+ meters apart in the living room. That’s definitely against “The Rules” but poses no risk to anyone. We have decided we will do this weekly. If the weather good then we can stay outside. If not, so be it.

I think we all must stay as safe as possible but the government rules make so little sense sometimes that I think it’s time for me to use my common sense.

Maybe just worry about your own actions and whether you believe you are doing the correct thing.

Hi Frosty60. I understand why you are upset. This is a friend, not a neighbour so you are emotionally connected. Friendships are made for lots of reasons and shared values are high on the list. Your friend has done something very significant that broke rules and not only that - she told you. It says something about her that she didn't keep her actions to herself from either embarrassment or empathy. She knows you are missing your family too after all.
As others say, you need look after your own but you'll feel different about your friend for a while.

Frosty60. I get angry to. I've seen my daughter and 2 teenage granddaughters, they live along three road and they've sat at a distance in my back garden, coming in the side gate. But my 4yr grandson lives quite a way, I don't live on my own, so haven't seen him since Feb. Although we normally see him about every 6 weeks. My brother and sil, decided to visit her grandchildren go into the house for tea. And had lots of cuddles with her grandchildren. I got quite very annoyed when she told me and informed her it's against get rules. But she replied ah well, we decided it's ok to cuddle but not kiss them. My reply was it's wrong what you did. And ended the phone call quickly before I said much more. Still really annoyed.

I think 1 metre distance outside while both wearing a mask and maybe a touch on the arm over clothes when you say goodbye to a loved one is safe and acceptable, but we all have to decide for ourselves. The sad fact is that so often the most vulnerable are also in most need of a hug to show them that someone cares.

I see other people breaking the rules/guidelines constantly, I'm suffering as much as them from the lockdown, my eldest daughter and grandson live 2 1/2 hours drive away and I haven't seen them for nearly 4 months (except on video), but I understand why things have to be this way. A pregnant work colleague of mine, who didn't want to come to work because of the "risks", posts photos and videos on social media of family gatherings in her house and garden, with the adults non-social distancing and cuddling/kissing young children. Not sure why some people think the rules don't apply to them but I try really hard to ignore it and just get on with our lives.

Please excuse my typos. It’s predictive text and always makes my children laugh. I thanked a man who works for me for his massage once!!! Must read before pressing send.

Sorry Frosty60 but you've got it in one when you say that you're feeling envious of her because she's breaking all the rules and you're not. We're all doing what we feel is right for us at this time - some of us are obeying the rules and some of us aren't. That's life I'm afraid. There's no point envying her - she is obviously doing what she feels she should & she sounds like a very kind friend if she brings flowers & chocolates. You'll just have to turn a blind eye & concern yourself with your own circumstances rather than worrying what your friend is doing.

I’ve also been made so angry but people I know having relatives from 200 miles away to come and stay and that was a fortnight ago!!! My partner of 7 years, lives 100 miles away. I’ve not seen him since 14th March. He said he will pick me up next weekend and take me to his, we both live alone but when I heard he’s had his son’s there, staying over and they are also going and staying with their friends and their mother I thought no way. I will not ses him until I know that he’s been alone in that house for at least two weeks. My family mean too much to me to break any rules. It’s so selfish and it’s us who abide by the rules who will have to wait longer. Please don’t lose your friend over this. It’s not worth it. She obviously cares very much about you. Just do what you feel comfortable and tight with. This will get easier and none of your grandchildren will really remember any of this. Chin up!

I really don’t know why people are so judgemental. These are strange times and if you do a personal risk assessment and act accordingly, you will be ok. For me I have always looked after my GC, every single day of the week and see them at weekends too. Their parents are in teaching so are key workers. There has been no option but to carry on as before. We have always taken the view that we are all healthy and probably need to get the virus at some point to create immunity so worry less about that as long as we don’t make others unsafe. Also the children are much safer in our bubble than with strangers. I lost my beloved husband in September and would not have coped without this contact. I doubt my daughter would have either as the loss of her dad was devastating for her. Just keep on doing what you are doing and leave others to do what’s right for them. People saying that alternative views are stupid and selfish are very unkind too.

As others have said, don’t worry what others are doing. I’m seeing my grandsons now and my widowed son so maybe I’m breaking the rules. I didn’t think I was. However, it’s for you to decide what you’re comfortable with as government advice is just no how these days.

But you see, thats the problem, right there, in saying "do what you feel is right for you" because thats what Boris is encouraging now, just so it covers the governments arse- and his aide in particular, when they flout the rules, and its letting him follow the herd immunity idea at same time!- But we shouldnt do that because its not just whats 'right' for us- its not just 'us' who will suffer if we catch covid19- our families will suffer, anyone who we pass it to will suffer, the NHS will suffer! Whats wrong with you all- it is selfish& stupid to take all these risks when we have nothing to prove we will be safe, just Boris saying so doesnt mean it will be