Friend taken a step too far I feel

The regulations coming out of Whitehall show a lack of logical thinking, and are much too late, smacking of hitting the panic button.
(Biased; having been in Quality Control and dealing with this sort of situation almost daily, for a major part of my working life)
So everyone interprets the rules in their own way.
DW and I are classed as being vulnerable, and have generally obeyed the advice, but used common sense when not so doing.
Consequently, we, and small circle of sensible friends, have survived so far.
But, then, I don't believe that EVERYONE else is going to infect me.

It makes us report spam, too.

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MissAdventure, exactly, we are all in it together.

Or, do what is right for everyone.
Even better.

Do what is right for you and your conscience will be clear and you can carry on with an easy mind. Take care and stay safe.

Dustyhen2010, absolutely correct. It isn’t right and it makes it harder for us who are following guidelines. I can honestly say after reading all the posts that I shall not feel guilty because my family and myself have followed guidelines. We have put our family first and care about their well being. What I will be furious with is if there is a wave of this virus and I haven’t seen my family actually in person, not behind glass or FaceTime, but actually in my home or theirs and because of other people breaking rules we have to be in lockdown again.

I don't think 'spying' is what people are doing. Unless you are blind you can't avoid seeing people putting others and the NHS at risk by being foolish. I have a feeling that most folk saying 'mind your own business' and 'do what is right for you' are maybe not following the guidelines to keep us all safe. I could be wrong of course and apologise to those who are.

I just don’t understand why people are spying on their neighbours and friends.
As long as you are comfortable in what you do to keep safe why do they make it their business. Have they nothing better to do.
I would say do what you think is best and let others do the same as long as it doesn’t affect you then it’s none of your business.

We have visited (and vice versa), DD2, partner and toddler for the past fortnight (live locally). Neither family have left their homes since the second week of March other than for walks for exercise so we feel safe. DD1 and her family had Covid in the first week of April but not too badly. She came round to our garden last week with DGD1 (teenager) 2 weeks ago to drop off bedding plants, a 120 mile round trip for which I was very grateful. First time we’d met since Christmas. However, because she goes to supermarkets we maintained strict social distancing and sat in the garden well apart and gave them a picnic style lunch.

I think we all have a duty to keep ourselves and others around us safe. I also think people should be allowed to judge for themselves t.b.h. I have mixed in (large) gardens with family before being told it is ok. We have socially distanced in the gardens and are well aware of the implications of not doing so.

People who live in accommodation who have communal gardens don't need to be told they can't go there, even if they observe the distancing rules.

We don't need 'policing' we don't need approval. We also don't need anybody objecting just out of jealousy. I totally object to all these mindless demonstrations where nobody is concerned about self distancing but apparently that is o.k and everyone understands why they are taking place? Not me! I would rather have a small gathering, observing social distancing in my back garden.

Everyone should do what they can to prevent the spread of the disease but I also believe people should concentrate on their own part rather than become obsessed with what others are doing.

Part of being an adult is the right to make our own rules about our own conduct.
Except we're meant to be following rules from the government just now, and part of being an adult is using self-restraint when necessary.

Whilst I feel your annoyance with your friend, technically, it's none of your business what she or anyone else does. Just continue doing what you're doing because you're doing it the right way for the protection of your family and yourself. If she comes a cropper at some point, then if you want to, you can have the satisfaction of saying 'I told you so.'
As someone in the vulnerable category, not only have I done 12 weeks shielding, but I have to do another 12 weeks because the hospital said I'm at risk. They are bracing themselves for a second wave, which - they say - will be much worse than the current one. As frustrating as that is, I HAVE to comply because a) I don't want to die and b) I don't want to catch something that I inadvertently pass on to someone else and they die!
Boris Johnson raised my hoped the other day when he talked about bubbles. My partner and I don't live together but we could form our own bubble - but then, 2 seconds after I imagined myself in this bubble with my partner, Boris pricked my bubble by saying that us vulnerables can't go into anyone's bubble - under no circumstances. I have to wait until Monday to see what he has in mind for me.
I could rant and rave about the unfairness of it all but is it really? Do I want to be able to go out and about if it isn't safe? And I have to tell you - no, I do not want to - as I said, I do not want to die so I'm happy to wait until it's safe to do the things that I used to do. I haven't seen my children, grandchildren or greatgrandchildren since well before this all began - and they may or may not remember me - but if I'm dead they won't know me at all, will they? So - my advice - for what it's worth - is to do what YOU want to do and don't give a sh*t what anyone else does. Being resentful about what other people do is the road to misery.

nanatoone
Just when you think you have heard it all along comes another. Quote 'we are all healthy and probably need to get the virus at some time to create immunity'
Tell that to those who have lost ,not just loved ones ,but friends from this dreadful virus.

For your peace of mind, find a good book to read and ignore what others are doing. Part of being an adult is the right to make our own rules about our own conduct.

I know how irritating others can be when you are struggling to stick to the rules. My in-laws are idiots, all visiting each other and even staying overnight, without seeming to understand that they are putting themselves and other people at risk. My DH isn't tempted to join them, and he knows that I wouldn't let him back into the house if he did! They do annoy me, though. To be fair, they always annoy me.

My DD found an all-in-one disposable suit on Amazon, complete with hood. She thought that if I wore that with a mask and gloves, I could have a first cuddle with the baby. I thought I would look like something from the film ET and baby would be terrified.

What a strange world we live in these days.

Even if you did want to report your friend or anyone else, I doubt the Police would be too pleased. Unless it is something publicly wrong like a big barbecue, I don't think they have the time to keep chasing up various Grandparents who are overstepping the mark.

I agree your friend is in the wrong but I'd leave it.

yes, it can be annoying, when I have zoomed or facetimed with a few people I know, and relatives, I have been surprised at how many people are living their lives different to me..

I am glad I am not angry with my friends,, just amazed at how different we all view these rules and this virus.

Nothing wrong with telling a friend if she is behaving badly. Hopefully, as someone said it will all be forgiven in the future. If not, it’s not a true friendship. I agree that this is absolutely not ‘ sweating the small stuff ‘ That is just things like when someone leaves a wet towel on the bathroom floor, uses the last milk and doesn’t tell you, etc.......

You know what, we live in a democratic country, we the British are very good at making up our own minds about issues. The government has issued GUIDELINES emphasis on that word. Your friend clearly has a mind of her own, I personally like people who think for themselves, she has probably thought that if they’re in lockdown and been nowhere and I’m in lockdown and been nowhere what then is the risk if we come together, this is the logic.

could the strength of your feeling against your friend at her behaviour, which is both stupid and selfish, be a transposition of your sadness at distance, lack of contact with your own loved ones.
you feel sad. you are grieving. naturally. you feel helpless.
having a target to feel angry at acts as a way of channelling deep sad emotions into active strong angry ones.
take care. and good luck. be true to yourself.

Whatever we say or do, some people will follow the rules and some won’t. The extent to which that spreads the virus or not is out of our control. Can people please stop being resentful of what other people do, and get on with living their own lives? I see so much anger, spite and bitterness on GN and it achieves nothing.

I keep the rules. I have neighbours who break them big time. What does one achieve by getting stroppy? Only harm to oneself (stress, ulcer) or harm to those one is in contact with because one whinges all the time, makes their lives miserable and causes them to worry. Take a deep breath. Say ‘sod them!’ And then get on with enjoying life, limited though it may be.

If you can’t do that, you need help. If there’s underlying depression, anxiety or stress, contact your GP for an assessment.

What you are feeling is what a lot of people are feeling. My neighbour in Scotland is isolating with her husband who has to shield and is terribly distressed about not seeing her only grandchild who is three and in London. This time when there is a possibility of coming out of strict isolation is a very difficult time for us all. The world suddenly changed dramatically, we were in shock, adjusted to an extent, but now we are realising how impossible it is going to be to live in isolation from our families and much else long term. But the world is still unsafe. We are beginning to realise that we are probably going to have to make compromises between safety and love and desire. And that is a hard thing. None of us can be sure where we will draw that line and what the cost may be or what is in front of us all. You have so far drawn a strict line and felt supported by the idea that you are following communal rules set for you. But it is increasingly agonising. Your neighbour has made her own decision to see her family again. You are so upset because it is throwing up all these issues for you. Should you follow your heart as she has and as you long to do even if this means possibly endangering yourself, your family and the community and taking upon yourself full responsibility for making that decision with the guilt and fear it involves. On the other hand the isolation from each other is also hurting you and your family and causing anguish and feels unsustainable and destructive itself. We are all of us or almost all of us feeling this sort of unease and stress at the moment. There are not easy answers for any of us. You are projecting all these feelings onto your neighbour and that is a big part of what is fuelling your anger with her as one individual person. I think you know this really. She sounds as if she cares for you and is kind. It is hard to accept anger from another person. It is often easier to reject someone who is angry. On the other hand she may not be able to easily cope with being judged by you and it may be important for her to try to keep your friendship. Is the friendship important to you too? Anger is destructive to the person who is feeling it. You could forgive her. But it may be too difficult to be near her at the moment while you are wrestling with your own situation. I am having these feelings too. I would say many, many people are. It is the times not ourselves that are at fault. We can only each do the best we can and endure as best we can. Good luck and my sympathy and fellow feeling.

So sorry don’t know how to delete - how embarrassing