Mother’s Day/Fathers day.

Was meant as reply to Smileless2012.

Father’s Day in Aus. Is first Sunday in September so your son still has time to remember

Happens to me all the time.
New ipad for his 70th small amazon voucher for me.
Household appliances from him over the years as birthday /xmas gifts
It goes on

Yes you have every right to be hurt, i would be.

I was felt hurt a few years ago when my daughter in law presented me with a small bunch of flowers and her mum got a very expensive handbag, we were all eating lunch together, so it wasn't difficult to see her gift.

My son obviously knew nothing about it his face was a picture. He apologised afterwards and i let it go, i knew how much my son loved me.

A few years on this son no longer is in my life so no card off him.

I would say nothing just to keep peace.

MiniGrandma, the same happened to me this year because Lockdown made it difficult. Father's Day was celebrated in a much more elaborate manner with a flurry of cards! The irony of it is, I really miss the children and grandchildren where DH is happy at not having to put himself out for them. He is such an unsociable g*t sometimes!

One son sent his youngest brothers birthday cards late as he'd found them under the front seat of his car, a few days afterwards, thinking he (or his partner) had already sent them as he couldn't find them in the house, nor could she when she double checked

Sorry but I agree why this would happen would bother me so I must be sensitive too it would niggle at me.

Haha TATT, thats the sort of thing i do, or i buy cards, as i cant find the ones i DID buy ahead, then find first ones straight after, (often buying SAME card as i already bought weeks before, as i must have liked it!)....

My eldest forgot my birthday and it wasn't until he called round a few days later and my grandaughter noticed cards and a huge box of chocs from my youngest (which I was so glad to share with them).
He was so apologetic, told him don't worry both he and his wife have had to work through lockdown and with schooling and so much going on I'm not surprised. Told him I've had so many birthdays would be quite glad to forget a few.
Suggested we all go out somewhere for a meal when lockdown eases.
I felt bad because he was so sorry, his wife even rang when he got home to say sorry.

I tell mine no cards or gifts every year ,its just commercial nonsense ,in fact I tell them no presents or cards all the time .My daughter rarely listens and her girls will make wee things for me and my son always checks that he's heard right as his partners mum loves presents .I know my children and grandchildren love me ,I hear from them every day and before lockdown saw them most days too they tell me they love me regularly and thats far more important .If I want something I buy it .

Also, yes there were problems as lockdown was involved at time of mothers day, i did not get anything from middle DD when usually shes all about personalising gifts to fit the receiver, but 2 cards turned up a few days after mums day, post marked BEFORE it, so posties were clearly overwhelmed, but it wasnt till i rang to thank her that she mentioned did i like my gift? What gift? Turns out Royal Mail had kindly lost that so shes had to wait & give enough time to either put in a claim for missing items or just buy it again then risk send it again.or save it till i dare go out & about again!

Get hubby to have a quiet word

I get hurt when my son forgets or doesn't make an effort. His partner leaves it to.him. I'm still.miffed my friend said she had bought me a present in Israel and haven't seen it yet with several years gone by.

Agree with earlier comments, Mother’s Day happened as lockdown started.
When mine ask me what I want for Mother's day I always say a hug and if you want to bring me something a bunch of daffodils is all I want.
Dad tends to get more expensive gifts but it really doesn’t bother me.

Hmm.NEVER say, "oh you shouldn't have" (if you do get a card/gift) or "oh, i don't need anything" (if asked if theres anything in particular you want/need) or " i don't need anything for mothers day"! OR "i dont need a reward for being your mum- i have you!" (Before OR at time of giving) Then you can't be misconstrued! Trust me on this, ive 7 children between 17-40 and if you arent SPECIFIC enough it can be misconstrued. (especially by the youngest 2) Heres flowers for all you lovely ladies

Thank you for all you replies.

I am not going to bring the subject up as I am not very comfortable being confrontational. I will just let it go.

It still hurts though. ☹️

It’s easy to understand why you’re miffed, Minigrandma, especially as you are so generous with your time to help with your grandchildren. There may well be a simple explanation - other Grans have talked about the difficulties with lockdown. My daughter bought my Mum a gift card for her birthday last year and it was only when she decided to tidy a drawer this Spring that she found it tucked away in her ‘safe place’! My Mum must have been puzzled, but she never said a word.

Might they think of you as a strong, non-needy person? I know that's how I am perceived - but it would be nice if occasionally the proverbial boat could be pushed out.
Also, have you ever said: "Oh, don't worry about it, just a nice card will be nice."

Remember that there will be many mothers out there who received nothing.

Each year our son writes a card to his dad for Father’s Day but his wife always wrote my Mother’s Day card from him.
I mentioned it one year and since then he has written it, I almost felt it was like a boss asking for his secretary to send his wife something nice for her birthday but as someone said in this forum maybe I was being over sensitive

I don't think you are stupid at all MiniGrandma. I think if they're truly honest most folk would be a bit miffed like you.

I don't think lockdown is a reason for inaction or inertia from your son and his family. Folk with decent jobs and money can source whatever they want from the internet and get things delivered with the press of a few buttons.

Not having expensive gifts is ok but having direct comparators with different treatment on Mother's Day and Father's day is irksome. When you added in that you provided childminding and holiday care it is shameful that you're not afforded at least the same as your husband. What is it with people? If your son and his family have an issue and want to disrespect you they've done a good job. It would have been better maybe to have a convo with you about it.

You could raise it, you could ignore it, up to you. Life is a merry go round, you don't always have to be on the same one as others, even your family. The thoughtless behaviour of your son on this occasion may come back to bite him in due course!

I wish you well, sending you a huge thanks for your lovely grandma qualities. xx

Minigrandma, no you're not being stupid, I'd feel the same way. Personally, I'd make a little joke of it and say something like "I'm a bit jealous as you always buy Dad a present but all I get is a card. I don't mind though as I know you love me". Hopefully that will get them thinking. Otherwise perhaps your hubby could have a quiet word with them.

I never had a gift for Mothers day from my son and dil, just a card, but when social distancing in the garden began I did get a belated present which was totally unexpected .Nothing from my daughter though. My husband had a presents and cards from both my son and daughter - just cant see it as a problem - know my daughter loves and cares about me - dont need a present to tell me.

I'd be grateful for getting anything, can't remember when I last got a Mothers Day card and certainly no phone call, same with Fathers Day. We love our son but do realise he is on the Aspergers scale as was my father and they are very high achievers but can miss what other people would see as ordinary courtesy. I always tell myself it doesn't really mean he doesn't care(I hope).

yes! you are being stupid! some people don't even get a card!
A good guide to everyone on wether they're are being 'stupid or not is to think what you would think if someone else wrote the comment.